Difference between a mans and a womans oil change...

[kris]

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Total $21.00.

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: Gets hot oil on you in
process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back
yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December 1992
in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00
Total-- $4150.00
But you know the job was done right!

[primera man]

....ITS ALMOST THAT TRUE YOU HAVE TO LAUGH !!!

[DVSNCYNIKL]

I agree!

[Rich]

Its All soo true.

Originally posted by kbslacker
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.

Ive actually had to do this. The oil wasnt in a hole in the yard, but it was in a 5 gallon pail that was almost full of oil.

My idea....Use a funnel with a screen and pour the oil in until the plug is found in the funnel. Problem. The screen was soo thin that the damn oil barely went through and I ended up with more on the ground than ever. Shit like that makes me want to start drinking

[KatWoman]

Originally posted by kbslacker
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.

:jump: :angel:

Do I get any brownie points for providing my own oil? I bring in Mobil 1 synthetic and a Mobil filter for them to use hehe.

[DVSNCYNIKL]

Originally posted by KatWoman


:jump: :angel:

Do I get any brownie points for providing my own oil? I bring in Mobil 1 synthetic and a Mobil filter for them to use hehe.

I guess we could let you slide. But you have to bring beer too and belch.j/k

[Heep]

Originally posted by HuMMerMan
Ive actually had to do this. The oil wasnt in a hole in the yard, but it was in a 5 gallon pail that was almost full of oil.

My idea....Use a funnel with a screen and pour the oil in until the plug is found in the funnel. Problem. The screen was soo thin that the damn oil barely went through and I ended up with more on the ground than ever. Shit like that makes me want to start drinking

Hah, same here. When I was working at a Ford dealer, I dropped a drain plug into the big oil drum. My solution: fish around in the drum with a telescopic magnet thing. Retrieved the plug within 30 seconds.

[speediva]

*lol* I just had my oil changed at Valvoline 2 days ago!

But normally I help my dad change my oil. This time, I was over on my mileage and I didn't want to risk driving around on dirty, nasty oil, so I payed up. $40 for the partial synthetic oil change (I would have gone full synthetic, but I figured my G could live for another 3000 miles before I went all out )

[MercCougarXR7]

That list is semi-accurate .

Ah - I've got it down pat though. I come home with my oil+filter, get the ramps, wrenchs, and I'm set. Takes about 5 minutes .

[Steel]

8000 miles without an oil change and still going strong!!

but, its not MY car, so if my dad wants to change the oil only every 12,000 miles, hey, he can ruin an almost perfectly good V6 engine. Im buying my sisters civic soon, and she takes care of her car

[primera man]

Originally posted by kbslacker
[B
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
[/b]

Well to be honest i have done this at work on a locomotive.

Now these big suckers hold 800litres of oil........lets just say that this loco needed 1100litres to fill.

Dick of the week to P.Man

[Moppie]

Originally posted by primera man

Now these big suckers hold 800litres of oil........lets just say that this loco needed 1100litres to fill.

How did you explain that one? 300L of oil isn't something you can just mop with an old rag!!!
FUCK thats a lot oil!!

-->moppie stop thinking about how much oil that is!!!!<--

Damn. ok.
But man thats a lot of OIL!

[primera man]

Originally posted by Moppie





How did you explain that one? 300L of oil isn't something you can just mop with an old rag!!!
FUCK thats a lot oil!!

-->moppie stop thinking about how much oil that is!!!!<--

Damn. ok.
But man thats a lot of OIL!

We have huge underground tanks to take up a big spill like this. It all drains into these tanks then we pump it back into waste trucks.

I had a fair bit of talking to do !!!
I want say anything about the 3500 litres of diesel i lost either.

[Moppie]

Originally posted by primera man


We have huge underground tanks to take up a big spill like this. It all drains into these tanks then we pump it back into waste trucks.

I had a fair bit of talking to do !!!
I want say anything about the 3500 litres of diesel i lost either.

I know how much and how far 3,500l of desiel would spread!!!!!!

[primera man]

The loco got hit by a wagon and put a large hole in the diesel tank in the shunting yard.
There was nothing i could do to stop the leak.

So im standing there watching the diesel pouring into the ground and i'm thinking, "this is good, its soaking up real good into the ground...cool, i'll tell the boss in the morning"(its 11pm at night).

I get a ring in the morning to go and explain or else !!

What i didnt know.......there was a underground stream right under neath the spill and the diesel was running straight into it.... it fucked the stream and the wild life.....all 3,500l of it


It made the front of our paper that night