Girls I need some help...

[93Civicgurl]

I will be as detailed as possible (without this being 5 pages long). Ok I have been dating this guy for 3 months, and he is 6 years older than me. I love him very much. And he loves me. All he wants to do is make me happy. The problem is he has a terrible attitude. He gets really pissed at the slightest thing. When we go driving, he has to be in front of everyone. Things have to basically be his way.

I confronted him about this attitude problem and he blames the whole thing on his motorcycle wreck (5 years ago). I know that he almost died, and all that. But I do believe that he should get over it.

Basically, I love him, but I hate his attitude. I feel that it is starting to wear off on me. I don't know how much more of it I can take. And I don't want to hurt him. When we got in a fight, and he thought we were gonna break up, he starting crying and shaking really bad. I could tell that he was really upset. And a 210 pound body builder, crying, was a sight to see...

Basically should I confront him again, or should I just call it quits???

[speediva]

That's quite a predicament.

It sounds like he is a rebel without a cause. Sure, he can be mad at himself and others for the wreck, but after 5 years he really ought to keep that anger inside with ease. If he can't, there is something unhealthy about this attitude/temper of his. I wouldn't necessarily say to leave him for it, but try to work with him on calming his temper and directing the frustration and energy into more constructive facets. For example: if he gets physically violent (hits the steering wheel, stomps his feet--I pray not hitting people) then perhaps a first step could be for him to verbalize what he feels. A good scream about a "donkey-raping, sh*t-eating MFer" might just be as good as pounding the living crap out of his poor dashboard. From there, maybe decreasing the intensity of the commentary would be a good next step.

Unless you feel threatened by his attitude, I wouldn't leave him. I personally think you should hold a VERY serious conversation with him about your concerns for his emotional well-being. If he is entirely unwilling to work towards a goal, then that might be a sign that time is winding down for the relationship...

~just my pocket change~

[boingo82]

My boyfriend used to be like that...what caused him to change was a whole bunch of things. I let him know that if he wanted to call people names that was fine, but I absolutely wouldn't be around him if he was making death threats or being physical in any way. Another thing is to diffuse the situation with humor. If there's a way you can make him laugh, it will take his mind off the percieved offense, and settle him down. Finally I used logic, if it was a situation that could be logically worked out.

All in all he has settled down tremendously and I think part of it is that he's secure in the relationship - today's our 1 yr 6 mo anniversary - and it's likely yours will mature over time as well. Just let him know the expectations you have from him and stick to your guns.

[KatWoman]

It sounds like he has issues of "letting go" You say he blames an accident that happened 5 years ago. Is he crippled or scarred or have remaining physical problems because of it? He needs to realize that we can't change what happened in the past. Even though things happen that may impair us or change us in certain ways, we need to do the best we can with those changes and learn to live with them because those will stay with us the rest of our time alive. Some things are hard to get over, and there are some things you never really get over...like the death of a family member or close friend, but we can't hold tight to the past because it prevents us from moving on. We have to adapt to the changes and make the best of things...it's hard at first but it is all about your attitude toward that situation. Hope this helps a bit. If he continues to have problems letting this accident go, it may not be a bad idea to seek some counseling.