[CivicSpoon]

So I'm pretty sure my mom is trying to kill me, via death by squirrel attack.

It's been snowing like crazy for the past week or 2, and there is about 3+ feet of snow on our back deck, where my mom and I smoke. Our chihuahua died over the summer, and I use to shovel a path off the deck, down the stairs, and a 6ft area for him to do his business. Obviously with him gone, my lazy ass no longer shovels the snow off the deck, so my dad took the lighter shovel I used to the front yard, so I've been using a broom to keep an area for the 2 of us to smoke on. (I've been doing the primary shoveling of the driveway this year so I am happy to use the lighter shove with this heavy ass snow.) So there's just enough room for both of us to smoke on, and the rest is covered in 3ft+ of snow (setting up the situation here).

So a few days ago, my grandmother tells my mom that there are birds around here that don't eat from our feeder, and only eat off the ground. They love their damn birds; my grandmother has a bird themed clock and multiple books to identify different bird species. So... my mom decides that it's a good idea to throw bird seed on the tiny "brushed off" area on the back deck, for those specific birds to eat.

Either this was a not very thought out plan, or an evil mastermind at work. Around here, birds aren't the only creatures to eat bird seed. We have rabbits around that we semi-regularly feed with almost bad fruits and vegetables, that eat the bird seed too. We also have the scariest creature known to man... the squirrel. I thought we all learned a lesson the year my dad grew attached to them, and spread corn kernels all over the front and back yards, and had the damn rodents waiting for food at the front door every time they heard it open...on their hind legs...begging.

So what's the issue you might be asking? (or maybe you're asking me to get to the fucking point already, because you've realized you wasted your damn time reading my random bullshit again.) A tiny area leading directly to our back door, completely surrounded by a 3ft+ wall, and filled with squirrel loved food. You tell me, how is a tiny, possibly rabid, animal supposed to get in and then get out quickly, when a big human gets in the god damn 3ft+ ring?! Fight to the fucking death, that's how! My mom wants me to get rabies. Or she wants me to kill a squirrel for dinner.