Saw my ex tonight

So im sitting at home at around 10pm when the phone rings. To my surprise, it's my ex of 5 years whom i broke up with a few months ago (background (http://www.automotiveforums.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=425796)). I havent spoken to her in well over a month and havent seen her in two. She wanted to meet up, so i said ok...

I picked her up and we went to a quiet place for a bite to eat. We chit-chatted about nothing much (how's work etc...), and didnt talk about anything serious. I drove her home about an hour later and when we pulled up outside her place i asked her why she wanted to meet up tonight. (The last time we met, she'd said she didnt think she could be just friends, and she hasnt contacted me at all apart from returning my "happy birthday" text message last month with a thank you message.) She got upset and said "i miss you so much". It brings tears to my eyes just thinking of the look on her face as she said this.

To cut a long story short, she hinted at getting back together, saying she knew i was the one for her, etc... I didn't want to say that i dont think she isn't the one for me, because the bottom line is she may well be the one and i dont realise it. We spent 5 years together, and for most of that time we were very happy, but there were valid reasons why we broke up (she wanted us to move in together, i didnt, she waited two years for that to change and it didnt). She said she was aware of that, but she wanted to see if it was definitely over. She needed to know for sure so she could start to move on. Personally, i have moved on and have been dating someone for about a month now, but seeing my ex in that state tonight broke my heart.

I cant sleep (hence this post), and it hurts more than it did when we actually broke up. I wanted to hold her so bad and tell her things would be ok, but i knew i shouldnt and it was killing me. I still loved her when we broke up and tonight i realised that those feelings dont just disappear. I havent been thinking of her much for the last month or two, as it makes things so much easier, but something tells me she's going to be in my mind a lot more.

I really dont know what to do. I hate the idea of never speaking to her again, and i know thats what she would want if we dont get back together. What a fucked up night...

If it feels right, get back together! I went through almost the same thing with my girlriend. She sounds like a winner if she cares about you as much as it sounds. One question though: Does it seem like she is pressuring you to do things you don't want to do? I would think after 5 years, you two would have worked out most of the kinks by now. Me and my girlfriend have gone through something similar. I don't want to worry, or even think about commitment yet. I had to make that clear before I could start talking to her again.

Just tell her how you feel and if it works out, it works out! If it doesn't, then you two arn't right for eachother and she can never see you again because she deeply cares about you.

Things happen for a reason, I strongly believe that. If you're not sure, why not just date, not seriously, but test the water. Get to re-know each other and try to discover new things about each other that you didn't in those first five years.

yea i'm going through(or went through) a very similar situation. this girl and I were dating for about 3 years then broke up because it wasn't working out. Then we really didn't speak to eachother for about a year then we just started talking again. We've gotten back together now and it's great, seriously if it feels right then go for it. You don't need to do anything "serious" but it can't hurt to go for it and see where it goes. It just sucks how you can't be "friends" thats how me and my girl were, we couldn't stand to see eachother not together(sounds hokey, but i don't give a shit). So thats why we didn't talk for so long. Goodluck, hope it all works out for you. Peace-

what do you have to loose?

Just tell her how you feel and if it works out, it works out! If it doesn't, then you two arn't right for eachother and she can never see you again because she deeply cares about you.
We're in completely different places so i fear that's what's going to happen. Whereas your gf accepted that you're not ready for commitment and is happy to be with you despite that, my ex is not.

Things happen for a reason, I strongly believe that. If you're not sure, why not just date, not seriously, but test the water. Get to re-know each other and try to discover new things about each other that you didn't in those first five years.
It would be impossible to date 'not seriously'. I know every little thing about her and she knows every little thing about me. If we get back together it's right where we left off...

like the others said, if it feels right do it.

I feel you man...


6 months after I broke up with pam I saw her... Feelings just don't dissapear. For some they do, others they tend to just sit around.

I thought I had moved on, forgot about her, then when I saw her... It was like looking at her for the first time all over again... Man that shit haunts you..

I could never bare to look at Brony again. Or talk to her... Althought I want to, all the time, it never goes... I know if I do, it'll hurt...

Why aren't you ready to commit to her? If you dated for 5 years and didn't want to commit or promise her or anything then maybe you shouldn't be together and she should be with someone who will.

Why aren't you ready to commit to her? If you dated for 5 years and didn't want to commit or promise her or anything then maybe you shouldn't be together and she should be with someone who will.
Why arent i ready to commit? I still feel like a kid. All i want is for her to be happy but i dont know if i can give her what she wants right now. The thought of her being with someone else... i cant bear to think about it... She said that she didnt even want to know if i was with someone right now (which means the opposite) so i didnt say anything, i just said "likewise". But i know she isnt seeing someone and she probably suspects that i am.

It's really upsetting that i could have made all the hurt go away last night and i didnt. I dont know why i didnt, but i dont want to get back together for the wrong reasons.

Why arent i ready to commit? I still feel like a kid. All i want is for her to be happy but i dont know if i can give her what she wants right now. The thought of her being with someone else... i cant bear to think about it... She said that she didnt even want to know if i was with someone right now (which means the opposite) so i didnt say anything, i just said "likewise". But i know she isnt seeing someone and she probably suspects that i am.

It's really upsetting that i could have made all the hurt go away last night and i didnt. I dont know why i didnt, but i dont want to get back together for the wrong reasons.


It's all good, if you're not ready you're not ready. BUT, if you truly care about her, and obviously you still do. You should work your feelings out to her, come to an understanding with each other. Not just "Well you dont want what i want right now so it's over." You obviously still love her or you wouldn't have gone and seen her, you wouldn't have made this post, and you wouldn't be thinking about her right now. So why not try to work things out, get back with her, and be there for her. Basically just make the decisions that wont leave you with regrets.

So who bought the meal?

I got some very good advice one day from a good friend of mine when I was toying with the idea of getting back together with an ex.

He told me "An ex is an ex for a reason"

I disregarded his advice that time, and it turned out horribly. So I live with that in mind now. But, follow your heart, who am I to tell you you should or shouldn't do it.

She broke it off with you, for certain reasons. Have those reasons changed? If not, then getting back together is a bad idea, it will only end with her ending it again.

You can love more than one person, and have to realize that it's just not right with some of them.

Whereas your gf accepted that you're not ready for commitment and is happy to be with you despite that, my ex is not.

Wouldn't that be the issue? :screwy: If you two can't work that one thing out, then IMHO it will never ever work.

Anyways, best luck. You will figure it out. :smile:

Any update on the situation?

not to jack your thread... but i saw MY ex from a while ago (if anyone was around they might remember that thread..2 years or so). It was...

awesome.

I'm still completley in love with the girl, which our sharing a bed last night only compounded the feelings. But i kept my lips shut and my hands to myself. We've had our outrageous fights since we broke up... but now i'm over that bullshit.. I'd much rather hang out with her and have a good time than have her mad at me.

Did it hurt? yeah.. a little. But i can take it now... heh.

cool.

sorry again to jack your thread, but i dont wanna start a new one for fear of the most recent ex finding it.

Jay...

If you don't take this chance then you might regret it for the rest of your life... (Don't make the same mistake so many before us have done)

Good luck with what ever you choose to do but remember you can't rewind time... But you can act on chances that are in it...

Thanks for the messages guys. Here's a quick update...

She called the next day and apologised for making me go through those feelings again. I told her not to be silly, she didnt need to apologise. Ive tried not to think about her too much since we met last week. I love her, but i honestly think time apart is the best idea right now. We were very dependent on each other and both have a lot of growing up to do. That'll only happen if we're apart. If i realise she's the one for me, ill go back and try to get her. It may not be possible then, but i'll take my chances.

Wouldn't that be the issue?
Yes, that is the issue. I'm just not ready to settle down. Cliché, i know. But it's also the truth.

From your last thread I remember that the main problem was her wanting to move in together. I personally don't see what the big deal is about living together. You've been with her for 5 years, and you've learned this person, and she's learned you, and she loves you for everything you are.

What's wrong with sharing a place with her? It doesn't mean you're married. You can still break up. The only problem I could get out of that is if you still want to see other girls.


So... I'm pretty confused about what your problem is. What do you need to figure out?