Seems like I am standing at the precipice of the abyss

[replicant_008]

There are times when you realise that all of your plans are pretty inconsequential and that the things you worry about are mere toadstools compared with the things that fate deals to you when you least expect them.

Take for instance the past 7 days in that time I have been to two funerals for untimely deaths. One the result of a motor-racing accident and the other the untimely and sudden passing of a former workmate. My former workmate was 28 years old and had been married about a year - one of the kind they describe as 'salt of the earth,' she was one of those quiet, loyal folk who could not do enough for others. Replicant mourns her untimely passing with sadness as he does the untimely passing of the racecar driver.

I'm also at a crossroads in my life, the pyrrhic collapse of a relationship of two close friends, the rather laboured and clumsy conclusion of my own and the uncertainty that has brought to my life not to mention the underwhelming experience I have had with my new employer, the farewell of good friends to other time zones - all have contributed to a rather beleaguered state of melancholy I find myself in.

For someone who leads a life rich in new and wonderful experiences, I now find myself questioning whether the rewards I can achieve outside of my working life outweigh the path that my career is leading.

Not for the first time in the last few months have I considered my options and the opportunities that have passed by and thought about their consequences and the path they may have lead. It's a nice set of rose-tinted spectacles hindsight - but even in my state of melancholy I know that even if I chose another path long ago that events may still have brought me to this point.

My self-diagnosis is that I am suffering a mid-life crisis - somewhat early than I expected it to occur but I was always was an early bloomer. I find myself questioning values and the apparent wisdom that I have been bestowed - and wondering in this changing world how archaic some of my moral, ethical and value sets have become.

I also wonder if being out of step has made me weary and cynical - how my innocence has been whittled away and that each day brings me closer to a destiny that someone else seems to have helmed rather than my own stars.

So standing at the precipice of this abyss of self-loathing I know that it is time to make some decisions and assume the helm and if my course has wandered then to find the star to steer my path or whether I need to set another course and find a new star to find my way.

I'll let you know how I get on.

[Jimster]

Extremely deep my friend and sorry to hear about your workmate- only as old as myself- it really does make you think- What if I were to drop dead tomorrow??? But enough with that...................


There often comes a time in life where we go through a period of change- triggered by recent events in our lives- often it is a pain in the ass to adapt to- but in the end- things return to normality- the only thing is- this is a whole new normaility, if you get my drift.


I hope that all goes well in your life changes Replicant

[Oz]

Many condolences for the tragic passing of the friends Rep. Remember that your status and career, which you have worked hard for, have afforded you mind bending opporunities unheard of to more than 9 out of 10 of the Earths inhabitants.

Good luck with your life choices and changes, I have every faith that they will be successful and rewarding endeavours.

Keep that 'whole picture, slightly detatched' view of the tapestry that is life, and you'll be :sun: .

Oz

[Sean]

I'm sorry to hear about what has been happeneing to you recently. It seems like life is dealing you the short end of the stick. I hope you make the right choice and steer yourself away from the precipice.

BTW, you are a very, very good writer.