Let's start a joke thread

[stieh2000]

What was Elvis Presley's last words?

"Corn?"

[SLoe]

Sorry if any of these are repost, I lost track of the thread.
GOOD
In Richardson, Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any Then he discovered the problem. A 12 year old b! oy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!"
The officer later found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST
A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding. As the TX State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball." He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.

[FlippiN.af]

Originally Posted by loeman

Sorry if any of these are repost, I lost track of the thread.
GOOD
In Richardson, Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any Then he discovered the problem. A 12 year old b! oy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!"
The officer later found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST
A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding. As the TX State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball." He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.

Good ones. I had only heard the last one, but funny.

[SLoe]

>A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was
>severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft
any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to
donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the
doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband
and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.After all, this was
a very delicate matter.
>
>After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's
new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends
and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty! One day, he
was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.
How can I possibly repay you?"
>
>"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I
see your mother kisses you on the cheek.

[FlippiN.af]

^Ha ha..pretty funny. Nice one.

[FlippiN.af]

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he just would have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

[WickedNYCowboy]

Here is the oldest and lamest joke I can come up with.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks why the long face. *Runs from the mob of people trying to kill me for ruining the thread.*

[FlippiN.af]

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00. He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

[Damien]

^now that had me laughing. the rest before

[FlippiN.af]

Heres a sick joke:
Two bums are walking along the side of a road early one morning, complaining about their empty stomachs. The night before they
had spent every dime they had on whiskey, so naturally they had no money for breakfast. By and by they come upon a flattened possum lying dead on the roadside. The first bum says to the second, "I'll split it with ya."

The second politely refuses, so the first bum eats the entire thing by himself. An hour or so later, as they are walking, the first bum starts turning green. He gags for a few minutes and then spews the possum remains all over the road.

The second bum smiles and says, "I knew if I waited long enough I'd get a hot meal."

[sv650s]

can't steal any jokes from the net right now so i'll just use one of my corny ones. what's the difference between a 600hp supra and a 1000hp supra? nothing they both run 12's