i screwed things up, need opinions from guys and girls please!!!

alright, here's the story. sorry it's so damn long, but if you get through it i would appreciate any comments that anyone can give me to help me out with what i should do.

when i was in high school i was best friends (and really liked) a girl for probably about 4 years, took her to my senior prom, went on a cruise together to the bahamas (our senior class trip), and basically spent all of my time with her in high school and never told her that i liked her, but it just felt like we both knew it and that somehow things would just turn out. when we went to college, the distance between us spread to about 5 hours, and i would only get to see her when she was home on some holidays, and for a short time at that. slowly we emailed and wrote each other less and our lives became pretty different until we barely talked to each other anymore. well i got a girlfriend in my sophmore year of college and have been with her for almost two years now, and as some people tend to be jealous (as i am of some of her old boyfriends) she is jealous of my high school sweetheart, even though we barely talk anymore. well i went to my high school homecoming not too long ago, and who was there, but my best girl from high school, and i told her about my girlfriend and everything, and that she was going away on a weekend in the not so far future, and that i would like to come to her school and visit her. it just kind of popped into my head and i said it to her, and she said that would be great, and she was looking forward to it. well then i wasn't sure what to do. i didn't tell my girlfriend about it, and i just kind of thought i wouldn't go, and just let my h.s. girl go, not talk to her anymore and tell myself that it is all over.

well finally the day came and my girlfriend went away for the weekend (she was going about 8 hours away and she said she wasn't going to call), so i got out of my classes, got in my car and started driving. i stopped that night and stayed with a friend, and on that saturday morning i got up, called her and told her i was coming, and drove to her school to see her. it was great to see her (since i had only seen her for a short time at homecoming), and we spent the whole day close together, talking and catching up, and just hanging out. well that night we went to a party, and although i was kind of looking forward to getting out (i only drink occasionally, although i am 21), i didn't have any idea what was about to happen that night. well we got to the party, and i met all of her friends and stuff, and we were just drinking and talking and stuff, and it slowly started to show that i was having too much. well i took ahold of her hand at one point, and i ended up not letting go of it the whole night. as we walked around and drank more, i was hugging her alot and holding her, and when i would talk to her, sometimes i would whisper to her in her ear, and i was kind of kissing her ear and her cheek and stuff. it is funny how i remember this stuff now, but i didn't care to think anything of it when i was doing it. well anyway we were standing in the hall as it was getting pretty late in the night, and i finally started talking. i have no idea what i was doing and this was the bad part.

the alcohol took control and i spilled my guts. i told her about how i had liked her in high school, and wanted to go out with her and stuff but i didn't want to ruin our friendship, so i guess it had turned out for the better and stuff. she just kind of listened as i kept on talking and telling her my deepest secrets that she never knew, and i had told myself for a long time that i had forgot all about. well i gave her a hug after talking for a few minutes, and as i came away i looked her in the eyes and i gave her a kiss... and she kissed me back, and it lasted for a short minute (it seemed like a long time while i was there, but i know it wasn't real long). well just after we stopped one of her friends walked in and asked if we were ready to go (he was the designated driver for the night) and she said, and after he walked out we kissed a little bit again and then left. we rode home and went back to her apartment and went into her room and she made me turn around while she changed, and then she came over and sat with me on her bed. she just kind of asked me about what i had said, and i told her that i was glad that i told her (still the alcohol talking), and that i would want to do it again just to make sure it was real. well she did, and this one was a little longer and a little better, but would prove to be the last.

she said that we should go to bed, as it was about 4am by now, and i asked her where i was going to sleep... and she just kind of pointed at her twin size bed and said here, as long as it isn't too wierd. well i had slept with her in that size bed with her in the bahamas about 4 years ago (just slept...) so that was fine with me, just like having a sleepover with your best friend when you were little. well i laid down and she laid next to me and i put my arms around her and we said goodnight to each other... i didn't sleep very well that night, i kept waking up and i could see her fairly well from the street lights shining in the windows... she is really good looking and it was kind of like an old dream come true. i finally fell asleep and woke up when her alarm went off around 11am or so, and she said she was going to get some coffee. well i sat there and waited for her to come back for about 1/2 hour, and finally i got tired of waiting and went upstairs, and she was up there having some breakfast. we didn't talk nearly as much that day, and after a slow rainy day of doing nothing, i finally said that i should get going. it was about 4pm and i had a good 5 hour drive back to school, and she walked me to the parking garage where my car was and said goodbye and gave me a hug, and i asked her if things were wierd and she said no, but didn't seem very convincing. well i got in my car and i had 5 hours to think about what i had done and what had happened.

i called my friend that i had stayed with on friday night and told him what had happened and asked him what i should do, and he said he didn't know. i told him that if anybody asked, to say that i had stayed with him all weekend, and that i would talk to him later. there was a message on my cell phone from my girlfriend... she had called around 3pm and she said that she didn't know where i was, but she hoped that i would be home soon because she wanted to see me. after awhile more of driving, i finally got up the nerve to call her, and she told me all about her weekend (she was at a family wedding) and she said that she had a great time and that she couldn't wait for me to get home. she asked me what i had done all weekend and where i was... and i told her that i was at my friend's for the weekend and that i was on my way home. well i got back to my school at about 9pm (my girlfriend and i go to the same college), and i went to my room and changed my clothes and sat down for a few minutes before i went to her room.

she gave me a hug and told me she wanted me to stay over with her that night because she had missed me, so i did. as i kissed her and laid down in bed with my arms around her, things just didn't seem right and i think she could tell, but i never said anything. all i could think about was where i was sleeping and who i was sleeping with the night before. a little time has gone by since this happened, and my girlfriend never thought anything else of it. as for my high school sweetheart, well that is a different story. i normally email her 2-3 times (not so close together that she wouldn't have time to reply, or that would be annoying) before she will write me back, and when she does she has nothing to say. things are different, wierd, and our friendship seems to be ruined. i am not sure what to do, i went behind my girlfriend's back, but with someone that i always thought it was bound to happen with, and now she doesn't know and i do, and i lost my best girl friend that i had before her. any help on what i should do, whether i should tell my girlfriend about it (she would definitely break up with me), what i should do about losing my old best girl (whether i should just forget about it since i am happy with my girlfriend, or try to fix it and how), or break up with my girlfriend and not tell her why (so my conscience doesn't kill me, but i really don't want to do that), or what i should do. sorry the story is so long but i wanted to make sure all of the details were there so hopefully lots of people could give me feedback or some help. thanks for reading.

thomas crown

ouch man, theres no easy way out of this one.... except maybe a threesome, but somehow i dont see that happeneing.:D Uh anyway, stick with your current girl, at least for now. Unless you like trying to keep a long distance relationship going too. Plus your best friend girl was probably a little tipsy that night too, so just kinda pretend that nothing ever happened, or talk to her about it and just say that it was a one time thing, and forget aobut it. no need to totally stress yourself out over this. we all screw up eventualy.

Wow, I'm glad your comuter didnt crash while typing that. :)

The conscience can be a very bad thing. Sometimes I wish I didnt have one. :) I know exactly where you are coming from with your situation, to an extent. It's a tough descision you have to make. But first of all, in my opinion, the alcohol didnt make you say, and do those things. Alcohol just gives you the guts to say things you dont dare say when sober. So you need to sit down and look at what you want. Are you willing to lose your happiness, and your life with this current girlfriend, just to try for a old flame? Yes, your friendship may be tarnished, or perhaps ruined by what happened. But do you think it is repairable? If you think it is repairable, and thats who you really want to be with. Then go for it. But I think it is safe to say, you really dont know her that well anymore. You have grown apart, and only talk via email. You dont know how she lives her life anymore. So you may be risking losing your happyness now, while trying for something that may turn sour later. Now on the other hand, do you love your current girlfriend, enough that you could see yourself with her in the future? You have said it is almost certain she would leave you if she knew? If you do want to keep what you have now, I would say it's best to keep quiet. If you tell her, you will have ruined two good things. Yes, you should not have been sneaky and went behind her back, knowing she is jealous of her. But you really didnt do anything that bad. You could have done way worse. But if you keep quiet. You may want to let the past, stay in the past. Dont carry it along with you. If you want to know why I think this, feel free to IM me. I am sure others will put in their opinions, but this is just mine. :) Keep us updated.

-Kris

thomas, it sounds like your high school girl didn't have very much to say when you told her all this?? Did she just listen and keep quiet?

Sounds to me like she doesn't feel the same way...

Just be glad that you got a chance to say it all...it's obviously been on your chest for a long time, but it doesn't seem like much is going to come of it.

Maybe email her and tell her that you're glad you told her everything, but you're happy to be friends and you're not expecting anything from her.

And then get on with your life with your current g/f :)

And who you really love and want to be with , this is the most important thing... you want be happy with another girl if you love another one , but if you say you're happy with your current gf then there's no case. Just honestly ask yourself , who you love...

if she really loves you... she will understand, on some level. and if she gets all pissed, and sees that it is really getting to you.... and making it upset you, she should............... oh shit.. i don't know what i am talking about anymore.. if my thought comes back i'll post it.

its been my experience that everything comes out in the end. as a girl i'd rather hear about whatever happened right away. as much as it hurts, it hurts a hell of alot more to find out months down the road, and feel like something been hidden from you that whole time. you're left feeling very decieved. anything like that is hard to deal with but if youre upfront and honest, then its easier to forgive. like i said this is just how i feel about things, your girl may be different, just figured i'd give you a girls opinion.

Shell's right. It seems like your high school girl didn't have much of a reaction when you told her all of that. Just try to forget what happened, it seems like not much did except a little making out and the next day she acted like nothing really happened. So.............forget what happened and next time you e-mail that girl, maybe you should act like nothing really happened. Just ask the basic questions, what's up? how's life? anything new going on? etc....

Then there is that valid point vtecluvr said. Girls somehow tend to find out everything somehow. so maybe next time you e-mail her, do what i said at the top and maybe mention something about it so that one day your high school girl doesn't call for you and your g/f now answers the phone. Get what I mean?

i had my girlfriend read it, she said that if i ever did something like that, i had better tell her because she would kill me for not telling her, not for doing it...

well i still haven't really decided what to do yet... i haven't said anything to my girlfriend about it at all and i just don't know how i would bring it up as more and more time passes. as far as my high school girl goes - well she barely talks to me anymore, when i write her emails she doesn't have anything to say when she writes back. Shell was definitely right and the feelings are obviously not mutual at all, although i am glad that i finally told her, i just wish i hadn't ruined (at least it seems like that so far) our friendship. so far though i have just kept quiet and hoped that she wouldn't find out if i didn't tell her, and so far it is good but i still have the whole thing on my chest, just like i did about liking my other girl and look how that turned out when i finally decided to get it out... i think that the two of us have just grown apart since high school and lost most of what we had before, and i was hoping to get it back and it did just the opposite and made it worse. at least i don't have to worry about her calling while my girlfriend is at my place i guess. but me thinking about it, well that's a different story because i do all the time. well that's it, still no definite solution but thanks to everybody for your opinions, i'll take more if you've got them, otherwise i'll let you know if anything else comes up.