Doctor DVS

[JD@af]

AWW CRAP!!! You know I was stuck in a 2-hour traffic jam on I-95 South, and then stuck hanging out at some lousy bridge in Stamford this morning, waiting for Waste Management to come and haul off a roll off dumpster while all this beautifully-offensive insanity was transpiring in this thread?!?! Too bad I missed it...

Very impressed with all the hilarious jokes you guys pulled out of your asses on this one (really love the chili/puke joke, DVS!). I look forward to renewed insults in round 2 tomorrow :ylsuper

And if there's such a thing as an AF "Thread of the Year" award, I'd say this is a strong contender :sun:

[Jay!]

BEST THREAD EVER!

[Moppie]

Damn fools!

I think both of you have been smoking to much dope, or have you simply forgotten about the Yaya?




But this is a damn hilirious thread!

[Jay!]

Originally posted by Moppie
But this is a damn hilirious thread!

Long ago, there lived a sailor named Captain Moppie.

He was a manly man's man, who showed no fear when facing his enemies.

One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship.

The crew became frantic! Captain Moppie bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates.

That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumph. One of them asked the captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"

The captain replied, "If I had been wounded in the attack, the shirt would not have shown my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid."

All of the men sat and marveled at both the courage and intelligence of such a manly man's man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching!

The crew stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual brilliant orders.

Captain Moppie gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants."

[boingo82]

Originally posted by DVSNCYNIKL
Primera Man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise , he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

Oh, so it killed him??

[JD@af]

Originally posted by Moppie
Damn fools!

I think both of you have been smoking to much dope, or have you simply forgotten about the Yaya?

:finger: WHAT THE FUCK IS A "YAYA?" :huh:

P.S. Nice one, Jay!

[Spec2 Girl]

Originally posted by JD@af
:finger: WHAT THE FUCK IS A "YAYA?" :huh:

aaarrrrrggh not the yaya!!!! :cry: :cry:

[YellowMaranello]

Originally posted by JD@af
:finger: WHAT THE FUCK IS A "YAYA?" :huh:

Dead, thats what it is.

[primera man]

ROUND TWO.....WHERE ARE YOU DVS

DVS came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will
make you happy tonight."
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all
over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple is lying in bed. DVS said "I am going to make you
the happiest woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you."

DVS said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love
to you really badly.
Mrs DVS said - Well, you succeeded.

DVS - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
Mrs DVS - That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart.

DVS - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I
gave you?
Mrs DVS - Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard.

[tazdev]

[Moppie]

Originally posted by jay@af



Long ago, there lived a sailor named Captain Moppie.

He was a manly man's man, who showed no fear when facing his enemies.

One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship.

The crew became frantic! Captain Moppie bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

But you know whats reall funny, I went out and bought a red shirt today, probobly about the same time you posted this!

Forunatly I have no intention of buying any Brown pants :finger: :finger:

[JD@af]

Moppie is like that flaming bag of poo on your doorstep. You can stomp on it, but then you'll be followed around by his shit all day; or, you can just let that bag of hot air burn itself out naturally

:finger: Feel free to kiss my ass!! And don't forget to add those brown pants to your shopping list!

[taranaki]

Moppie is really thirsty one day,and in the roughest part of town.He sees a bar,and decides to grab a nice cold one.What he doesn't know,however is that the landlord has a very large Doberman,and the animal has just dropped a turd the size of a small hatchback just inside the pub door........

Moppie steps into the bar slips on the turd,hurtles across the room and crashes head -first into the bar counter.As he is straightening up,slightly more dazed and conused than usual,into the bar comeDVS,P-Man,andMr.T.

Unfortunately,Moppie's little skate has spread the turd in all directions, and these three big bad bastards all end up slipping over,sliding across the floor and landing in a stinking heap at Moppie's feet.

As they stand up and dust themselves off, Moppie looks at them,points to the brown smear on the bar floor and says.....

"I just did that!"


Last I heard he was out of intensive care...........

[DVSNCYNIKL]

"Let the bodies hit the floor"





One night, Primera man passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
Primera man didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. Primera man reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

Primera man was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, Primera man decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now Primera man was so scared he practically soiled himself. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"




"Let's begin!"

[Moppie]

Quickie before I goto bed, some of us have real jobs that actualy require us to be a aleart and active.



P-Man, DVS, Rag and Mr T were all hiking in Tibet when they realise its getting a bit dark. Forunatly up ahead they spot a little Inn, and head towards it.

Upon knocking on the a door a little old man with white hair asks what they require.
"A room for the night is all we need good sir" says Mr T.
The old man looks at the 4 weary travelers, nods his head "yes, I can supply you each with your own room, but it is on the condition that neither of you sleep with my daughter! And be warned in case you do, I will know and you will suffer for it!"
Behind the old man all 4 then catch a glance of the most beutifull women any has ever seen, and all instantly accept the offer of thier own room each.

The next morning before Mr T awakes with a large rock on his chest.
On it is a note: I know you snuck time with my daughter last night, now you will suffer the Tibetian rock torture.
Mr T sniggers, then laughs at the silly rock and quickly throws it out the window, a drop of several hundred feet.
On his chest lies another note: You left testicle was tied to the rock.
Mr T screams and dives out the window to try and catch the rock, but notices another note on the window sill: You right testicle was tied to the bed post!


Upon hearing Mt Ts screams the other 3 are instantly awaken and run to see whats going on.
The old man stops them in the hall and says "your friend interfered with my daughter! I found him, and so laid a trap of razor blades with in her! now which of you three also could not resist her!
OPEN Your trousers each of you!"
Rag looks suddenly guitly, opens his trouser and sure enough his cock drops off! AHHHH he cries, and the old man lopes his head off with a long sword!
DVS also looks worried, and threatened by the old man opens his pants.
Sure enough his cock also drops off, and his is scream silenced by the old man.
Pman turns to the old man and voluntiarly opens his trousers. But all 3 inchs of his manliness hang in place.
The old man looks at him and says "You sir are an honurable man! you are free to continue your journy"
Pman opens his mouth to say thank you, but is only able to utter "than.." before his toungue drops off!.




:finger: :frog: