Funniest Thing you've heard a ricer say!

[vanilla gorilla]

There was this guy that had this new model civic. It was a fake SI, had a nice body kit and hood and everything, actually looked good. I would always rev up at him and the rest of his cool car club.

One day me and my boy rode up town, and went to walmart (I think to buy some shotty shells or something) and as soon as the car (srt) pulled into the parking spot, this guy with the civic comes out of NOWHERE and just runs up on me.

Him: I got a race for you, stay right there!
Me: You finally gone run that honda!?
Him: No, I got something for ya, DOnt go anywhere, Ill be right back
Me: I wanna race the civic!
Him: Hell no, wait here.

Then he drives off...so I wait. He comes back like 15 mins later and some guy in a pretty new M3 was following him. So the guy with the civic pulls up and starts talking shit bout I need to race him, and how he will kill me and all this. Theres a bunch of people around.

And I was just like, how you going to challenge me with someone elses car?...I wanna race YOU. Hes like nah, nah, race this. And Im like, PULL YOUR SHIT OUT.
So they start talking shit bout how that M3 will merk me, so IM like fuck it I aint scared, lets run.

I was like this is a stock ass neon and I will kill you, They want to see under the hood so I show them. Then I say pop the hood on the M3. The civic guy is like, nah nah, show him after we beat em. So Im like whatever. They pop it its stock.

Make a long story short, we pulled em out on 95, done a 40 roll. He shifts gears like my great grandma. It was close for like 3 seconds, then we pulled him hard.

After that, we went back to the spot, and I was about to start talking mad shit.....but when we got there, they had a change in attitude....they werent talking no shit, they were super nice and all on our jocks....it was wierd.

[vanilla gorilla]

Oh yea. One time me and my home boy were having a disscusion about how his 01 Sonoma loses oil. I knew it doesnt smoke or anything, so I asked him if it leaks any oil, he said no. Then this other kat is like..."maybe its got an internal oil leak". And we are just like huh....what? Then we just start ragging this guy, and he says, "I meant water"....And then Im like....wait whats water got to do with oil.

Lol, I said, You tried to catch it, and make yourself seem not as stupid....but then you just made your self seem even stupider. So we just continued to ramshack him and he got hella pissed.

[lamehonda]

Any time they tell you what there car "runs in the 1/4" based on estimation because of an intake mod or exhaust they aren't even tuned for and a magazine test. An intake isn't going to take 2 seconds off of your time!!!! Not to mention the fact that they can't drive and would be hard pressed to get within a second of the published time.

[steviek]

funny how that happens eh vanilla

I finally figured out how ricers calculate quartermile times.
Ready for this Lets use an example

Stock Civic actually runs 16s in real world stock decent driver.
Then They find the fastest time listed in any magazine or internet source posted anywhere and quote it like its the bible. Now they have a 15.4s car.

Then they assume whoever that was driving that car wasn't as good a driver as them.
Now they have a 14's car.

They add an intake header and exhaust and someone somewhere has quoted that it will shave 1s off their et's (from a 16s car which is a lot easier to do then from a faster car) and now they have a 13s car.

They take out their back seat and spare tire and now they have a 12's car.

Now here's where it gets interesting.

They race their buddys civic with the exact same mods as them and by associative retardism they both believe that they have 12's cars going head to head.

One of the cars wins by lets say a second and instead of qualifying the second place car as a "13s" car they subtract one second from the winning cars time so not to discredit their ricer logic. So the winning car is now an 11s car where the losing car remains a 12s car. This is now the benchmark for all other ricers.

Their tautological logic works so flawlessly it cannot be disproven until a real 11,12,13 or even 14 second car disproves them or they go to the track.

If it is the former then it was likely a street race and there are a myriad of reasons which can discredit the run. Either that or the driver of the true car gets ricer classified as a 10 or 9 second car based on their previous logic.

IF it is the latter than the track excuses apply which are also plentiful which include but are not limited to; slippery track, too hot a day, no slicks, bald tires, bad tune, vtech issues etc etc.

[NateS]

Haha nice stevie.

The most funny thing I have had said to me was when I was sitting in a parking lot with a couple friends. This guy walks up to my car and is checking out my front mount. He walks over to me and says "Nice front mount man! Is it turboed?" I replied with "Nah man, I just shined up my radiator last night." Stupid answer for a stupid question.

Other than that, I live in a small rural town so there are a lot of "11 second" contours, civics, and probes. Of course they all insist on revving and burning out at every stop light.

[david-b]

HAHAHA Stevie. Makes sense though.

[TalonEclipseMixGsx]

Id have to say the funniest thing I have heard is when I was in school and a guy at school wanted to see the engine bay in my GSX. So I pop the hood and he says oh you still got your stock turbo. So I ask him how can you tell. He says oh I used to have a laser and it had a TDO5H turbo too, they aren't very quick. In that one sentence he basically told me how stupid he was, and ever since then I had no respect for the douche.
He had a v6 camaro which we rebuilt the engine in class and he was convinced it was going to have at least 400 whp. The car isn't running to this day. Currently he drives a 2000 cavalier with F1 racing side mirrors and a loud exhaust, and he is convinced that he can beat anything on the road unless its a cobra mustang.

When will these LOSERS be eliminated from the gene pool?

[tsi95]

This was a couple years back in high school my best friend had a 300zx and showing it off in auto class. this guy comes up to us and says "sweet ride, but my brother's has vtech" we asked him are you sure, he kept insisting that it did. we bursted out laughing once he left!!!

[Blackcrow64]

Got a new one!

So I made a quick run to Taco Bell cause the food at work sucks. There are a bunch of ricers in their bone stock cars with loud exhausts parked everywhere. As usual, they were being loud and obnoxious. The Cobalt has a louder exhaust on it from the last owner, so I decided to have some fun while sitting in the drive thru. Little rev... Some of them look. Little bit of time passes and I give it another rev, but this time a little higher. Quite a few of them look. I hear them talkin shit. I get my food and I get on it some out of the drive thru to the road. I'm sitting there waiting on traffic and I hear one of them yell "Hey you!" I didn't look. Still waiting on traffic. "Hey Cobalt!" Still didn't look. Traffic clears and I launch it out of the parking lot onto the road and the thing ran surprisingly good for a Cobalt. As I'm going past the remaining bit of parking lot the one kid yells "Get back here and race us!" I leave and go down the road and park back at work. I'm walking back in and I see em all flying down the road looking for me. Nothing more fun than stirring up the bees for the night!

[david-b]

One of my boys boss owns a Corvette. His status on Facebook the other day was...

"Went to the Chevy dealership and asked the for clutch fluid. The parts manager said, 'ok, for auto or manual?' I walked out"


HAHAH!

[steviek]

lol about the clutch fluid.. I just use brake fluid anyways.

Brian you should have talked with them a bit thats where their idiocracy really shines through.

[david-b]

But doesn't Brian driving a Cobalt and revving at the drive-up technically make him a ricer too? If he talked to them, he can be like, "Ya well I have a AWD turbo Talon at home".

[steviek]

Originally Posted by david-b

But doesn't Brian driving a Cobalt and revving at the drive-up technically make him a ricer too?

lol yea I thought that too but didn't want to say anything

[vanilla gorilla]

It does make him a ricer.....

But if his talon was in working condition....

Then he wouldnt be a ricer, no matter what he does in the Cobalt.

[david-b]

Originally Posted by vanilla gorilla

It does make him a ricer.....

But if his talon was in working condition....

Then he wouldnt be a ricer, no matter what he does in the Cobalt.

So give him another 5 years and then he won't be a ricer.