Shyness. Is there a cure? - Page 2

S Brake · #16 06-15-2002, 04:24 PM

just start over. tell yourself that you're the shit, and after a while you'll believe it. then you will carry yourself like you're a well liked respectable human being. also find the right group of friends, when you're around good people then the shy part of you will disappear

89ssgti · #17 06-15-2002, 09:10 PM

if you look and feel confident,people will want to talk to you.
¸Also do not care about what others think,you can care,but just don't think about it

carnut · #18 06-15-2002, 11:28 PM

I just noticed that you're one of the young guns. You still have a lot of learning and experiencing to do yet, don't try to do too much at once otherwise you'll burn yourself out like lot of these young superstars of yesterday and today. Take everyday in stride and do more than the previous day, little at a time. Comparing yourself to other people is really not a good thing to do (see my previous post).

I went to a cruise in today and ran into some old friends from years past. One of them I haven't seen in 14 years so we piled in my 67 Stang and toured Pasadena for awhile and we had a great time. You just have to be ready for the unexpected.

moondog · #19 06-17-2002, 01:15 AM

shyness is a behaviour, or way of interacting. Just saying "I'm shy" doesn't really explain why that should be the case, and there are many different reasons for being "shy". Do you have a sense of precisely what it is about social situations that you find uncomfortable? What is the common thread running through the occasions when you're really uncomfortable/shy/withdrawn? I'm not saying "figure that out and everything will be fine", but it gives you a bit more information, and a place from which to start. If you can recognise in yourself what it is you fear about what might happen to you, or how others might react to you, or think of you (or whatever), you can start to make a plan of attack to get past it. You may still feel "shy", but the aim is for that not to impair your social interactions any more.

darkness · #20 06-17-2002, 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by moondog
If you can recognise in yourself what it is you fear about what might happen to you, or how others might react to you, or think of you (or whatever), you can start to make a plan of attack to get past it. You may still feel "shy", but the aim is for that not to impair your social interactions any more.

Been there, tried that, don't work.

CraigFL · #21 06-17-2002, 01:12 PM

I got over my shyness many years ago after I joined a "Toastmasters" group. It helps you with public speaking and thinking quickly on your feet. I've spoken in front of thousands of people so speaking to individuals isn't anything now. Something like this may help you gain your confidence-- probably the leading cause of "shyness". Tostmasters has groups that meet just about everywhere....

VideoNasty · #22 06-17-2002, 07:07 PM

I used to be horribly introverted and shy in public....meeting new people is hell on me.... slowly but surely I got over it by putting myself in situations where I HAD to talk to people... like at work I take care of the counter, I played bass guitar in a band for a few years(being on stage will force you to overcome alot of fear!), I ran the sound at a punk/metal club for a few years(I had to talk to many cute guys in bands, actually had to be quite rude to a few of them even!), I worked ssecurity at the same club(its fun busing underage kids!), also alcohol helps me to be a bit extroverted in public

wait, I meant obnoxious...

MBTN · #23 06-17-2002, 07:40 PM

I did something extreme, I joined a fraternity. Everyone I knew was like "Zuh!?"

DMC12 · #24 06-17-2002, 07:49 PM

Buy a DeLorean. Seriously!!! It throws you to the wolves & you gotta learn how to deal with people really quick.

I got my first DMC when i was 19, and learned over time how to talk with complete strangers. You realize that the world contains many stupid people & there is no reason to be afraid of them (except lawyers & cops... steer clear).

Jay! · #25 06-17-2002, 07:50 PM

I'm not shy, I just hate people.

Ha, ha... j/k

I guess I used to be "shy," but now I'm really more introverted by choice. I think it comes from working with the public; now in my private life I avoid interaction!

Well, not so much, it's not like I'm a hermit.

My advice: develop your wit. For me, this came through High School drama activities: plays and improv comedy.

The ability to think quickly and reply with clever responses will boost your confidence with strangers.

Also, go rent the movie Swingers. :coolguy:

"You're like this big bear, man! And she's like this little bunny."
"And you've got these big claws..."
"Yeah, these huge claws..."
"...And you don't know what to do with them. It's like you don't want to hurt the bunny, so you batting it around..."
"Yeah, man, you're just playing with the bunny..."

:hehe: See the movie, and you'll get it.

speediva · #26 06-18-2002, 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by jay@af

Also, go rent the movie Swingers. :coolguy:

"You're like this big bear, man! And she's like this little bunny."
"And you've got these big claws..."
"Yeah, these huge claws..."
"...And you don't know what to do with them. It's like you don't want to hurt the bunny, so you batting it around..."
"Yeah, man, you're just playing with the bunny..."

:hehe: See the movie, and you'll get it.

Dude, that movie was.... well, interesting. I guess I would have taken more away from it if I had paid attention. But the thing with me was that I fine-tuned my wit that I'd had almost all along and I allowed myself to be heard. And if you mess up, who cares? So you laugh at your mistake and try something else next time.

taranaki · #27 06-18-2002, 09:31 AM

"Taranaki" is a protective shell that I withdraw into whenever I feel shy,or insecure, or unhappy.It is great to be able to pretend that I am the big-mouthed, confident and loud type when I can't bear to share my real feelings.It's not a great thing to rely on it too much,but if it helps me through the worst of it,it's good practice for when I am in a public place.Some of the things that I have said through 'Taranaki',I could never say to someone's face.

carnut · #28 06-18-2002, 10:41 AM

In my case it all depends on the other person. I don't like to be too aggressive and look for signs. When I was married my wife was very hard to size up, so I think that was our problem, oil and water.

After my divorce, I met this really wonderful lady who was in the same situation as me and we got along just fine. We had a great time together and she could be BAD when she wanted to, but alas it got too serious and we called it quits. (Too many bad memories of our previous marriages).

Now I'm seeing a person that I've known for a long time off and on and am taking this a lot slower. She is a very nice person but lately has been showing her dark side a little. A little intrigue is interesting.

Lord_Vektra · #29 06-18-2002, 12:14 PM

I was shy I got a really good friend who was not that is why really helped me he would do anything anywhere and I just had to get used to it. between that, being part of my church youthgroup, and work I have gotten better but I still cant really let girls I like know it which sux

darkness · #30 06-18-2002, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by taranaki
"Taranaki" is a protective shell that I withdraw into whenever I feel shy,or insecure, or unhappy.It is great to be able to pretend that I am the big-mouthed, confident and loud type when I can't bear to share my real feelings.It's not a great thing to rely on it too much,but if it helps me through the worst of it,it's good practice for when I am in a public place.Some of the things that I have said through 'Taranaki',I could never say to someone's face.

Well thats a thing we have in common then Mr. T

Only a few select people know what "Darkness" actually means.

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