The Truth About Chuck Norris

[ci5ic]

Made a few of my own:


Vin Diesel knows what Willis was talkin' 'bout.

Vin Diesel was born without knees. He has to break his own legs whenever he wants to walk somewhere.

Vin Diesel once farted, resulting in the creation of the universe.

Vin Diesel giggles when he gets papercuts.

Vin Diesel's erection will bitch-slap your punk ass too.

Vin Diesel puts hot-sauce on Habanero's before he eats them.

Vin Diesel once bitch-slapped Chuck Norris so hard that Chuck's Wranglers shrunk in fear. This is why Chuck's pants are so tight.

Vin Diesel can lift heavy objects without bending his knees and keeping his back straight. He can also wear loose-fitting clothes around spinning machinery if he wants to.

[-Davo]

Thanks guys, you made my hangover worse.

Oh man my head hurts.. And now my chest. I think..yes, I am crying now, hehe.

[AndeeG]

if you took the ones w/ vin diesel and substituted the word vin diesel for chuck norris, they'd be like 50x better. No joke.

btw, the OP was by far the best; i haven't laughed so hard in years.

[Toksin]

Thread of the month!

[xeroinfinity]

Nice joke lists, but vin diesel & chuck norris both still suk & they are both piss poor actors.
I cringe to the sound of chucks nightly ab infomercials, before you know it , Vin will be with chuck and tony little selling exercise equipment. LMAO!!

[GForce957]

Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.

Chuck Norris defeated the Canadian Army with a rusty wooden spoon.

Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.

Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world.

Chuck Norris beat up MacGyver using only a paper clip, a rubber band, and a pinecone.

One drop of Chuck Norris sweat can cure you of anything, even death.

The letters in Chuck Norris name can be rearranged to spell doom in twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are


Chuck Norriss heart beats once every full moon.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas blindfolded, while having sex with 3 women.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris house is a Total Gym.

Ecstasy is actually made by extracting the special seratonin mixture found only the skull of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the earth, thus creating the hole in the ozone layer.

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero

Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he wont trade any of them for anything.


The milkshake doesnt bring Chuck Norris to the yard.

The Pope once accused Chuck Norris of heresy, but as it turns out, Chuck Norris is, in fact, the true Son of God.

Chuck Norris penis is considered a weapon of mass destruction.

[Damien]

Originally Posted by GForce957

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

talk about "ribbed for her pleasure"

[imtheoneandonlyD]

[quote=GForce957]

There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are



Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas blindfolded, while having sex with 3 women.

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero

Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he wont trade any of them for anything.


The milkshake doesnt bring Chuck Norris to the yard.

QUOTE]


ROTF, those are awesome. I couldnt stop laughing at the milkshake one.

[ci5ic]

Originally Posted by GForce957

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero

Chuck norris > stack dump

[GForce957]

Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the Special Olympics.

CNN was originally the Chuck Norris Network but was later changed to a news station because the awesomeness of a Chuck Norris network kept blowing up satellites, TVs, and viewers eyeballs.

The evolution theory states that everything evolved from one living being. Chuck Norris is that living being.

Chuck Norris is where babies come from.

Chuck Norris has been in every porn video since 1985.

One day Chuck Norris was in fact killed when he round house kicked someone in the face so hard that it shattered the universe. But in heaven, Chuck challenged God to an arm wrestling match. Chuck won, and the universe was reformed.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green ..4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris is the reason Jesus died.

Had the priests in The Exorcist just said, The power of Chuck Norris compels you instead of The power of Christ compels you, the movie would only have been about 30 seconds long.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, dont be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris once had sex with a polar bear, with his orgasm he created the third ice-age, which is also known as the second coming of the robotic Vin Diesel.

Rumor has it that the semen from Chuck Norris six-foot wang can cure leukemia, especially in small children.

Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym.

Chuck Norris once boned the Mona Lisa, which is why she smiles.

The first rule of Chuck Norris is you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

One time while sparring with wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.

Chuck Norris has never given anyone the finger. However, it is believed that the event could flatten landscape within a 30-mile radius.

Few people know that President Jimmy Carter appointed Chuck Norris as Secretary of Awesome in 1978. This cabinet level position was later rescinded in 1981 after Norris refused to give up his title.

As well as being an actor, martial artist, and poet, Chuck Norris is also a world-renowned physicist. It was in this capacity that he once had a disagreement about steady-state theory with Stephen Hawking. Hence the Wheelchair.

[imtheoneandonlyD]

Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym.


ROTF, this thread rules.

[elementskater15]

"Ala" is really Arib for "Chuck Norris"
Once, Chuck Norris jumped in the ocean, and sunk Atlantis in the progress...

thats all i have for now (kinda lame, i know)
this is the funniest thread i have ever read!

[GForce957]

A mod should sticky it

And the truly awesome thing is, There is at least 200 more chuck norris's i have

[imtheoneandonlyD]

Post them, i NEED more.

[Ace$nyper]

funniest post EVER