Fatherhood

[fredjacksonsan]

Heh; in 5 years you'll be able to play MORE, and babysit less.

[DGB454]

Originally Posted by MagicRat

How many of you out there have children?
Since the average AF user is about half my age, I expect not too many of you have kids.

My wife is expecting her first child (so far, I think its mine ) in 6 months. I have lots of neices and nephews so I have an idea about how my life will change, but I would like to hear from any other dads (or mothers) here about how their lives changed when the first kid arrived.

If you don't have any kids, any particular observations on how your own dad was a good or bad father to you?

Thank you.

I haven't been on here that much lately otherwise I would have answered this question a while ago.

First off...Congratulations Magicrat.

I have 1 son who is now 13.

How will your life change? I can tell you how mine changed.

I finally grew up.
I realized that there was more to life than just my own satisfaction.
I learned to give up sleep and later look back on that time when I lost a lot of sleep fondly because I cared enough about him to do it.
I learned to give up friends that I may have liked because they would have been a bad influence on his development.
I learned to care more about someone else than I did about myself.
I learned to love someone else more than I ever thought I could.
I am learning that when he finally leaves home he will also be taking one of the biggest parts of my life with him.
I am learning that I don't know if I am a big enough person to handle it when that day comes.


My advice....Spend every second you can with your child. You can never get it back. Believe me when I say that you will want it back some day. I spend as much time as I possibly can with mine and it's never enough. I see him growing up so fast and I just want it to slow down so I can have more time. It's not just about quality time and it's not just about quantity time. It's just about time.
Use it wisley. Use it with your family.

[MagicRat]

Excellent advice. Thank you for the insight, DGB,

[highteknology]

seeing how i'm only 21, still in school and working, a kid is the last thing i need in my life. so i'll talk about how my dad raised me.

the other day i was leaving work and i stopped to talk to the guy who sells hot dogs right outside my building. Since i work with my dad, the hot dog man knows us both. he said something that i'm always proud of. he said, "do you really know how lucky your are to a have a father like yours?" seeing how i have lived with my dad for 18+ years everyday i sort of take for granted what he has done for me. here are somethings that he has done for me, both positive and negative.

First off, love your child unconditionally. i don't know how many times, my dad (and mom) have told me they love me. i know it may sound cheesy or corny, but i think that it instills some sort of confidence in your child in the fact that they know they are loved and that you'll always be there for them.
make sure you spend time with them. two of my friends have dads that didn't teach them how to throw a baseball, or let them play sports. i had to teach one of my friends, he's 22, how to hold a baseball bat and step into the swing, not back down. always give positive reinforcement.

Second, education, socialization everything that goes along with school. obviously there is a reason we spend so much time in a learning institution. we learn so much from our experiences here it's unbelievable. make sure your kid(s) know how to read well. unfortunately for me, i didn't really like reading until really a few months ago. i would read my text books for classes but i wouldn't buy a book or check one out from the library for fun. this past summer alone, i read 5 books, simply because i wanted to. the social experiences in schools alone, are a wealth of information and teachings for children. look into the school districts and possibly if there are private schools where you live. see what each one has to offer and which one you think would best fit your child's needs.


discipline, i don't mean to go off and smack your kid in the face (even though i got the belt a few times) but i think in today's society kids have no respect for anyone. i don't care if you're 15 or 65. make sure they know when they have done something wrong, more importantly reward them when they have done something good. not necessarily reward with toys or something, but that will always work, but even with a "good job" or simple words of encouragement. when my dad is helping me work on the vehicles at home or replace a pipe or something, he's always saying "good job". it helps reinforce the idea that i CAN do this even though i may be telling myself i can't.

that's pretty much all my dad did for me, over the span of 21 years, he stills doing it. and who knows, maybe in 10 years, i'll look back on this and take the advice also.

whatever, happens, i'm sure you'll be a great father.

[boingo82]

I would say being a good parent is about making mistakes and owning up to them. Admitting, apologizing, instead of repeating them ad infinitum just so you can pretend it wasn't a mistake the first time.

Make sure to research everything. There are a surprising amount of old wives tales out there that are harmful. Google everything.

Surprisingly, the main effect of having children is that it turned us into hippies. Like, natural-birthing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth-diapering, organic-eating, no-car-having, hippies. And we've never been happier. :shrug: