here is a story

[drewh4386]

I like it. Especially since it involves war. Pretty good.....where were these stories when I was taking literature in school.......










....family guy is funny right now.

[freakray]

Did it hurt to sit ON a Blackhawk?

Good piece of writing, my only point would be you don't refer to everything by type and name unless it has some relevance to the story.
The reader only needs to know the gun is a glock, and the helicopter a Blackhawk, the rest is redundant detail.

[Right_LiRrr]

It's very well written.

But phrases like "lunged onto me" "lodged itself in his shoulder" are a bit too cliched ever since we have been flooded with action movies/books. Also cliched is the gung-ho nature of the kid and how he looks up to the veterans. You would need lots detailed character development to make it less cliched.

Maybe it's just me but war has become too cliched. Too many movies and books. The only thing that interest me about war nowadays is personal stories. I think character development is the most important part of a fictional war book.

If you don't mind writing someting the same as every other guns/tanks/planes book out there, then you're going down the right track.

I loved this simile though "the kid looked about as frightened as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs"