Odd thoughts....Some fresh,some not

[taranaki]

God gave men a brain and a penis but only enough blood to use one at a time.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Join the army! Travel the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.

Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.

Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.

My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him.

They told me I was gullible, and I believed them.

I told you a million times...don't exaggerate!

When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.

If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

The trouble with doing right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was!

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

I'm so hungry I'm farting fresh air.

Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home.

Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu?

I've upped my standards, now up yours!

Patience will come to those who wait for it.

Tell someone there's a billion stars in the universe and they'll believe you. Tell them something has wet paint on it and they'll have to touch it to be sure.

When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

If you tell someone they are being judgmental aren't you being judgmental yourself?

The amount of time you have to wait for a bus is directly proportional to the inclemency of the weather.

Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?

What do hotcakes sell faster than?

If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

What's the opposite of opposite?

If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?

If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?

Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Never underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job

What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac.

Why can't you make another word using all the letters in 'anagram'?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUp?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

[kicker1_solo]

lol, how corny

[Graphik Styles]

i dunni i found it funny..........:hehehe:hehehe:hehehe:hehehe"

[tazdev]

Originally posted by taranaki
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

A motto to live by if ever I heard one:smoka:

[Cavallino]

Why do we give all our money to a broker?

If fire fighters fight fire and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?


Just two more to think about.

[YogsVR4]

If Con is the opposite of Pro - whats the opposite of Congress?

[primera man]

Originally posted by taranaki

The trouble with doing right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was!

I'm so hungry I'm farting fresh air.

Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?

Anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac.

Very good