Forgiveness, is it too much to ask for?

[TexasF355F1]

I actually thought I was done writing in stress relief, but I thought wrong.

A few weeks back was a friends bachelor party. We all met at one friends condo for some pre-show drinks to get the night started before the limo picked us up. By the time I got in the limo I was on my 4th-5th beer. Had a pretty good buzz, just shy of the drunk mark.

Things are all going well and then I get hit in the side of neck with a water or beer soaked napking, I grab it and throw it back only to have it thrown right back at me again. It was just a napking right? Well I lost my head and my mind and proceeded to throw two half empty beer cans to the back of the limo. I do throw them down and in the middle of everyone and not at one particular person. That's when everything goes down hill.

I'm extremely pissed off, probably because I'm drunk I'm not sure. But I've been having real trouble manaing my anger lately. I just blow up at the slightest thing. Well come to find out friend X who I've always considered one of my best friends and who threw the napkins at me pulls me aside. Saying how fucked up it was that I threw a beer can at him. I go off on I didn't throw it directly at you. He says still I threw a napkin you threw a fucking can of beer. I just walk off.

A few bars later he pulls me over and we start talking and I'm already upset realizing how stupid I acted. I had just thrown he and his gf a baby shower a few weeks before because they both mean a lot to me and have helped me out in so many ways. So I felt sort of pissed off that I was targeted considering what I had done for them out of the goodness of my heart. He's telling me this and that and I'm balling b/c of how bad I feel. I figured he was still mad, but not to a point of hatred. I mean we all make mistakes.

Fast forward to the following week and rehearsal dinner. I'm already feeling wierd, then I get a wierd vibe from his gf and then he completely ignores me. I mean literally looking anywhere else but me and distances himself from me. My heart immediately sank. I try to find a point to pull him aside but none come up. So I call him the next morning and leave him a message appologizing profusely, which isn't returned. We're both groomsman and he ignores again. i find a point to try and talk to him, he won't turn around and just says not today...and I walk off appologizing again.

Well after we walk down the isle into the hall after the wedding we're immediately given some drinks and we all toast. To my surprise he sticks his beer out to tap mine, and get a fairly friendlier vibe from his gf. I leave it at that. He again comes up to me saying he thinks our cars are towed, which didn't happen.

Last Friday I'm hoping I really don't run into him while I'm at dinner, b/c their usually part of our friday night get togethers. He ends up not, but then I feel a hand grab my shoulder and hand in my face. We shake, but that's really all I do it's not a comfortable situation. Then I find out last night that they had the baby and I didn't receive any call. I throw a baby shower and find out 5th hand about it. Then I start really wondering is there more to it than I even know.

Today at work I end up typing up a long letter that I'm putting in the mail tomorrow, after I make two phone calls to wish a congratulations. I'm the one who always has something happen to and I have to forgive. And for the first time I'm the one put in the position to have to be forgiven.

It just kills me that I make a mistake like anybody else, that shouldn't have turned into as big a deal as it has. He mentioned the night of the incident that I needed to come over so we could talk, almost as though there's something that he feels I did. Maybe there's more to it than I know, but it's making me beyond hurt and pissed off that I can't even be given a second of time. I'll be able to breathe easier if I knew why he still won't even talk to me. Now I'm losing sleep wondering.

I know this sounds cheesey but for any of yall with close friends you can probably understand.

[vinnym86]

not cheesy, that really sucks man, i understand how depressing that must feel. I'm sorry for a lack of advise or input, other than saying sorry and to wait this out, try and be passive and thread together any holes you feel are able to be repaired in your friendship.

[2.2 Straight six]

i think he was initially in the wrong for throwing the napkin, not cool in my book. but you should've dropped it and let it as a joke, shrugged it off. i know that's not always how it goes, and we can't change the past.

i know how you feel, a guy who's been my best mate for 5-6 years tonight told me he doesn't want to know me, doesn't want to see me and hopes i get killed/injured. lovely.

with friends like these...

[stieh2000]

That's one helluva grudge over half a can of beer. Is there anything else that could have been pissing him off for a while and the beer just broke the metaphorical camel's back?

Have you tried getting a mutual friend to talk to him, or maybe act as a mediator? Just throwing it out as a suggetsion. Good luck man, that sucks.

[Ralliart 3000gt]

How old is your friend, cause it sounds to me like he is acting like an immature little bitch, who needs to grow up and appreciated his friends, Maybe his girl friend doesn't like you full stop. I don't know, just look at this objectively and take a step back, stop blaming yourself since you have already apologised enough. Sounds to me that your friend needs to relise that there are other people in the world apart from himself..........................

[TexasF355F1]

Thanks guys.

I really can't explain my temperment lately. He's had a far rougher life than I have, and I my life was far from rough. God couldn't have blessed me more.

The napkin was out of line, which I told him so, but my throwing a beer can was crossing the line. He's 25, I'll be 25 in a month. We're usually joking around, but on a night like that we were all suppose to just shoot the shit and enjoy the night.

I'm just gonna send out the letter tomorrow that explains myself and appologizes and asking for him to actually talk face to face. I actually had an extreme dislike after my senior year for a friend that happened to be one of my roomates my first two years of college. I think if we never had that b/w us we wouldn't have become as good of friends as we are now. So I'm trying to think this is going to turn out the same way.

Vin, thanks man. I really wasn't looking for advice per se, just venting. The letter I wrote at work and writing this have helped relieve a lot already.

2.2, I'm sorry you've lost a friend in a far worse way. I don't know what to say. That must hurt a lot more than I hurt.

Ralliart, I don't think it has to do with his gf. She's actually 34. I sought out her help with problems back in 04/05 which turned into a good friendship.

Steih, if this doesn't accomplish anything I may try that. But I'll probably just show up at his door before I do that. But I know one friend, the one I mentioned above who would probably try and talk to him without me even asking him. He knew something was bother me the wedding weekend and called me afterwards to find out what was wrong.

Thanks again guys.

[2.2 Straight six]

Originally Posted by TexasF355F1

The napkin was out of line, which I told him so, but my throwing a beer can was crossing the line. He's 25, I'll be 25 in a month. We're usually joking around, but on a night like that we were all suppose to just shoot the shit and enjoy the night.

i know what you mean, i get the same with little things, if a friend threw a wet napkin at me i'd be very pissed off, and i think i'd do a lot worse than throw a beer can, people start with me all the time with stuff like that.

Originally Posted by TexasF355F1

2.2, I'm sorry you've lost a friend in a far worse way. I don't know what to say. That must hurt a lot more than I hurt.

no worries, i'm too busy feeling sick. besides, he's in the wrong over the whole thing. if he doesn't want to apologise i'm not going to go begging for his friendship, i've done nothing wrong.

it's just life, we all go through crap like this. and we all get over it in one wat or another. i'm sure everything will work out fine.

[00accord44]

Dizamn. That's ass. Maybe he's just a lil on edge and stressed out with the new baby and all. I know every group of friends works different but it seems like a napkin and a can of beer should'nt break up a close friendship. I was drunk at the club this summer and my friend decided it was his prime chance to smack me Charlie Murphy style. I was too drunk to react then, but next he threw my heavy ass hoodie at my face and that shit hurt so much I forgot how drunk I was, hopped up and proceeded to punch him in the mouth (after a series of wild drunken swings)

The next day he called and told me I caught him with a good one, I told him he had it coming, and that was the end of it. We were back at the club together the next night, him with a swolen lip

But definitely try to talk to him. I consider my close friends to be my brothers and we work how brothers work. We may fight verbally or physically, and we may disagree or do shady shit to each other but they're still my brothers ya know?

[TexasF355F1]

Originally Posted by 00accord44

Dizamn. That's ass. Maybe he's just a lil on edge and stressed out with the new baby and all. I know every group of friends works different but it seems like a napkin and a can of beer should'nt break up a close friendship. I was drunk at the club this summer and my friend decided it was his prime chance to smack me Charlie Murphy style. I was too drunk to react then, but next he threw my heavy ass hoodie at my face and that shit hurt so much I forgot how drunk I was, hopped up and proceeded to punch him in the mouth (after a series of wild drunken swings)

The next day he called and told me I caught him with a good one, I told him he had it coming, and that was the end of it. We were back at the club together the next night, him with a swolen lip

But definitely try to talk to him. I consider my close friends to be my brothers and we work how brothers work. We may fight verbally or physically, and we may disagree or do shady shit to each other but they're still my brothers ya know?

Exactly my point. It's become a huge deal, when it should have just been a one drunken night incident and been over. That's why I think there's more to it, but I'd like to know.

I've been stabbed in the back more than once b/c of girls, but I've gotten passed it. I was blatanly attacked on New Years by my last college roomate for no reason. He appologized, it bothered me for a while but I never ignored him if he tried to get in touch with me. I let bygons be bygons and it worked itself out. And I've been much more mad at him for other shit, all the threads i had back a ways as I mentioned. Got over it.

People have always told me I'm too nice. I'm just a forgiving person to an extent.

The guy I'm talking about crossed the line with me after we had had a discussion and we walked into the bathroom together and then just looks at some dude and said "This guys still a virgin." I'm not embarrassed by that fact that I am since I have my own reasons for it, but doing that was just uncalled for. Luckily the guy just blew it off and said something like that's cool.

I sent the letter hoping i'll at least get my point across. Put it in a card that actually summed up my feelings, besides the letter. If I don't hear anything within a week I'll try and call again, or maybe as a last resort email his gf and see if she'll at least give me some insight. But she won't return my calls either so it probably won't get me anywhere. I may just end up at the door. I'm fine with him wanting to distance himself from me. But I'd rather have reasons why than just continued ignorance.

Oh well, I'm just gonna try and push it to the back of my mind as far as possible, get over and be happy. Have a great weekend guys.

[nissan_240sx]

I feel you.. I used to have a little anger problem myself. I even beat up my good friend.. I really felt bad..we're all good now. But since I joined mma (mixed martial arts) I let it all out there. You should try it, get healthy/fit plus its loads of fun!

[TexasF355F1]

Originally Posted by nissan_240sx

I feel you.. I used to have a little anger problem myself. I even beat up my good friend.. I really felt bad..we're all good now. But since I joined mma (mixed martial arts) I let it all out there. You should try it, get healthy/fit plus its loads of fun!

I was in a good work out routine, but then I either started feeling sick or had plans come up and i've lost focus on that. I'm slowly working on bringing back my routine.

Today I basically had to lie to my parents about why I didn't get a call from them about having the baby. I can't tell my parents much, they worry a lot. Well my mom really does. Way too much.

[WickedNYCowboy]

If you mailed the letter, tell us the response. It really stinks that your put in this position.

[TexasF355F1]

Well the card and letter went out on Friday, so it was definately received last Saturday or Monday. I woke up today and had this weighing all day long. I was extremely quiet at work, which everyone noticed. It caused me to get even more frustrated than usual. So I gave him a call today with no answer, as expected. This time I left no message, I figured what was the point.

I immediately called another friend, well call 'K' that I know we our both good friends with. We both stood in his wedding. I just vented to him. He knew something was going on but didn't want to get in the middle of it. Which I completely understand why. I'd be the same way.

K told me other than the day after the bachelor party nothing had been mentioned to him, and he didn't bring it up. He also said he didn't even know what specifically it was except that I said something to him that pissed him off. I told K I don't know what I said then. I thought it was because of the beer cans being thrown. I was beyond drunk and don't remember a whole lot. The only thing I think I said was ..after all I had done for him. He may have taken that the wrong way. I meant that in terms of me always being a good friend and opening my heart and home to him and showing him how much I appreciate his friendship by throwing him the baby shower. That wouldn't be something to take wrong would it?

K said he promises me that if he knew anything at all he would tell me, since I have always been a really good friend to him. He said he hates to see two friends fighting and in the next day or two or when he talks to him next he'll bring it up.

I have faith that through K we'll get something resolved. I told him even if he wants to hate me for the rest of my life I'd just like to know, but I don't want it to come down to that. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning.

[fredjacksonsan]

Stop apologizing and let it pass. Just go on normally; if he won't call you back no big deal.

Had the same thing happen to a good bud in college, we ignored each other for awhile but then things went back to normal.

[TexasF355F1]

A little update....

I went to a Halloween party on Saturday I knew they would be at. I wasn't sure whether I should go up and say hello, or just chat amongst other people. So I chose to stay away and not even acknowledge I saw them.

About halfway through the night I was talking with this girl and my "friend" walked by to go to the bathroom. On his way back, I was still avoiding even looking up but I see and hand stick out and a "How's everything going man?" So we end up chatting for about 10 minutes. Then he says "you need a drink, I need a drink let's go outside". So I fill my cup, and go and chat with some people standing near him. His gf walked up to me and gave me the biggest, longest hug she's ever given me in all the years I've known her. Not even when I stop by and talk about stuff when I was going through a depression. It really felt like a I'm sorry all this is going on hug.

As I left I shook his hand, and she gave me another long hug. It was pretty bizzare for me. But it actually made me feel good. I sort of thought I may hear from her this week, but at the same time didn't. I haven't. I thought about emailing her next week, but I may just leave well enough alone and continue to go on with my life as is.

That night I ended up getting home pretty early (1:30) and slept till 3:30pm. Not sure if it was the comfort I felt, but it sure was nice.