A good Laugh

darkness · 07-16-2002, 06:58 PM

A Scots tale

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful, slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping.

The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the
lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham.

''Right, you Jimmy,'' he shouts, ''Ah want you to masturbate!''
''But......'' stammers the driver.
''Du it now - or I'll bluddy kill yu!''

So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts
to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn't take
him long.

''Right!'' snarls the Highlander ''Du it agin, now!''
So the driver does it again.
''Right laddie, du it agin!'' demands the Highlander.

This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in
both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, has violent knob-ache, his sight
is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating,
jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand.

''Du it again!'' says the Highlander.
''I can't do it any more - you'll just have to kill me!'' whimpers the man.

The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside
and says, ''All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to
Inverness?''

***********************************

Amish Leg Warmers
There's this Amish girl and she tells her mom that her hands are cold.
So her mom tells her to put them between her legs to get them warm.
So she does and it surprisingly works.

The next day, her Amish boyfriend says his hands are cold so she
tells him to put them between her legs. He does and it works, so he tells
her his penis is cold and she tells him to put it between her legs.

She goes home and says,''Hey mom, do you know what a penis is?''
"Yes," her mom says.
The girl says, ''Did you know they're really messy when they thaw out?"