A joke...

justacruiser · 04-05-2004, 12:07 AM

I'll bet these have been posted here before, but oh well...

The Most Powerful Word:

Well, shit...

Shit may just be the most powerful word in the
English language.

You can be shit faced,
shit out of luck,
or have shit for brains.

With a little effort,
you can get your shit together,
find a place for your shit
or decide to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit,
buy shit,
sell shit,
lose shit,
find shit,
forget shit,
and tell others to eat shit and die.

Some people know their shit while others can't
tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits,
dumb shits,
crazy shits,
and sweet shits.

There is bull shit,
horse shit and
chicken shit.

You can throw shit,
sling shit,
catch shit,
shoot shit,
or duck when shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit
or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit,
some days are hotter than shit,
and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit,
things can look like shit,
and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit,
not enough shit,
the right shit,
the wrong shit or
a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit,
have a mountain of shit, or find yourself
up a shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch
turns to shit
and other times you swim
in a lake of shit
and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts,
it's the basic building block of creation.

And remember, once you know your shit,
you don't need to know anything else!

Military life:

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule AirBase, Greenland at
midnight. During the pilot's preflight check, he discovered that the latrine
holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to
the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left
outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar,
which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.

As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished."

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands
up tall and says, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I was off-duty, I have one stripe, it's one-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below,
and my job here is to pump shit from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?"

************************************************** ****

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products to best meet your needs and desires.

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**************************

Also, check this site out, it's pretty cool!

http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/primer/j...su/powersof10/