Is Your Child a Goth

[nismogt_rfreak]

I just thought this was the stupidest thing:

Is Your Child a Goth?
Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counseling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

If this is right, than every teenager in america is a goth.

['97ventureowner]

You're right it is stupid, case in point: my 9 year old daughter, not a teenager, but acts like one frequently, does the following: wears rock t-shirts, owns black clothing,complains of boredom,loves Count Chocula,watches cable tv, that's 5 right there. But she also attends church and Sunday school and is in the "gifted " (advanced) program at her school. If everybody were to take those criteria seriously, pretty much all kids could be labeled "Goth". Sounds like scare tactics to me or a type of propaganda to promote their beliefs.

[Andydg]

I guess I'm a goth....

[Oz]

Me too

[GForce957]

Oh noes!

[KamilMk]

I'm just myself... I don't like being labeled, or to label myself...

[whttrshpunk]

Umm, yeah. I'm pretty sure this is satirical.

[sganc4life_4]

Im nothing like a goth, but I managed to fall under 14 of those lol.

Sex and beer are 2

[Toksin]

Conformists.

[highteknology]

so i'm pretty sure every single person can relate to five of those. i guess more space in heaven just opened up then

[MonsterBengt]

How fascist.

[beef_bourito]

yup so i fit into anywhere from 10-14 of those (depending on the time of the year, i sometimes don't have enough time to go on the computer, watch tv, etc. and other times when i'm not doing sports or working i lose my appetite and don't eat much at all.)

[mr_mushroom]

eesh.

let's see i think i fall under enough of those.
betcha my soul is on fire or something.

better call my friendly neighborhood mental health facility...

the solution is simple really.
just be ned flanders.
all the time.

[stieh2000]

Just counted, I fit 16 of them!!

Possibly 17 if you could specify what you mean by "Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically."

Hell I'm wearing black, surffing the web, by myself, listening/headbanging to Black Sabbath as I write this. This whole list is absurd and out of proportion.

[93rollaracer]

Count Chocula...holy shit that's gold