Bad experience

[wicked]

It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my ass cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt hair dwelling.
Eventually I would have to do two things:

Either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements."How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel.

Slowly, my twin cheeks and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless mounds of a newborn babe. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two ass cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class.Eventually, thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit-molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch.

God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: It will be like this until the hair grows back.

Weeks Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair: Ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my ass cheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out he window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends- Don't shave your ass-hair!

[Porsche]

That is gross. I don't feel so good.

[enzo@af]

That's deep. I don't think I will shave it now.

[Jemo]

Okay, while that is the single, most disgusting thing I have read in quite some time, it is also one of the most ammusing.

Here I am, reading this entire thread, all the while I am on the verge of being ill and crying my eyes out because I am laughing so hard.

Damn that was sick, LOL.

[MBTN]

HOLY SHIT!

[olds88]

jesus dude you got way too much time on your hands

[deftonez24]

That is the most vile disgusting thing i've ever read, jesus, I loved it!! Sucks that your ass is in pain but damn thats some funny shit.

thank god for strange people.

[primera man]

I cant believe that i sat here and read that whole post and laughed !!!!

[Lizard King]

Ewww its all so familiar.:silly2:

[Heep]

Man, I needed that. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time

I face the same problem of little last pieces not being able to clear the mesh of hair. It sucks, but I'm certainly not going to shave now!!

[S Brake]

ROFLMAO!!!
have you tried just trimming the hair?

[olds88]

well their is a easyer way just light one of your farts close to your ass hole and poof no more ass hair



Caution ass could get warm while doing this procedure

[gang$tarr]

okay that is really dramatizing the whole thing, that was really funny

I did the same but not as discusting......
you see I shaved my ass hair off because it would be weird if i didn't, as you all know that whenever a girl is gunna suck your cock and lick your balls or whatever then you need to shave your sack, correct. so when i shave my sack so it's lickable, then i can't just leave the choda ass region hairy that would be weird lookin!

unlike you I actually keep clean, and i haven't gone through all that stuff you're talkin bout.... the only difference i feel when i shave it off before a party or whatever includes girls is that it's sooo smooth, and nice. I haven't had any bad experiences with it, it smells fine cause i take SHOWERS! and stay clean! and the stubble issue i don't really get either, it just grows back without any itch or pain..... so to me it's all good

[Heep]

I don't shave below my neck, and I'm proud of it.

[Porsche]

Are you saying that you look like a 9 Year-Old boy when you go to parties? That's alright though you could be a Porn Star.