anxiety and love and failure

[higgimonster]

last spring while at college in rochester, ny i met this wonderful girl. since then i have grown to love her more then i ever thought possible. we are very close even though she lives 2 hours away from me in New Jersey. Every weekend either i drive to see her, or she comes to see me in CT. now it becomes tricky. I won't be returning to school for various reasons and instead my parents are making me enlist in the military (not something i am very keen on doing). Now, i haven't told her any of this because she is working at a summer camp and i don't want her to worry about ti when she needs to be worrying about kids. but she also keeps on saying how she can't wait for school to start so we can spend more time together, and be with each other on a daily basis. the problem is that if i enter the military i won't be able to see her for quite a few months. needless to say it will killboth of us. i know our relationship will survive training and i can be stationed an hour from where she will be attending school but i don't know how to tell her or when. i am not sure whether i am asking for advice or not just kinda wanted to get it off my chest.

[Steel]

ouch man, my advice would be to tell her as soon as possible. If you tell her at the last minute, the shock combined with not being able to talk to you might spell the end of that relationship.

[higgimonster]

yeah, i think i am going to call her tonight and tell her. i really can't keep it in any more. man, life is a bitch. you find the girl of your dreams (more or less) and then you have to leave her. i find my self coming up with ways to get out of all of this army crap, don't know if they will work. but thanks for the advice anyway. i just needed someone with an impartial view to help guide me.

[TerminalVelocity]

well, do you -have- to enlist?

And yah, telling as soon as possbable is the best, gives time to work things out.

[DMC12]

Do not hide things like this from her that long! She will feel betrayed, and less important to you than AF.

And how are your parents MAKING you enlist? You have to be 18 to get in, right? Well, if your 18 then you are old enough to make decisions on your own... even if it means leaving home to live somewhere else.

[carnut]

How can they make you enlist in the military?

Keeping a secret from someone you love or like a lot is really not a good idea as it will come back to haunt you later. When I got my orders to go overseas during the Vietnam era, I just came out and told my girlfriend and her parents that I would be gone for a long time and we should just part as friends now. I saw too many relationships strained by the military life and I think it was for the best. After the service I went to visit her and her family for a day and it was as if we were meeting for the first time, very uncomfortable so I just left it at that. I've been tempted to look her up many times but decided that would be a bad move, so life goes on.

[NiGhtRider_RS]

Wow..vietnam. You have my well deserved respect.

Telling stuff to girls is hard. Telling anything to anyone is hard when you don't know the reaction. If you both love each other and care about each other enough, then you shouldnt have to worry too much about what the reaction is because in the end, the relationship itself and you being together will matter more.