It's my turn

[darkness]

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him.

"Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes." The man says, "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."

Well, a year goes past and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball, he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.

The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?" The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time." The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. Might I ask how your money is holding out?"

The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill." The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you, too. And might I ask how your sex life is?"

The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week." The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Once or twice a week? Is that all?!" The golfer looks at him and says, "Well, that's not too bad for a horny priest in a small parish!"

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Ever wonder why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?
A - Almost Boobs
B - Barely there
C - Can Do
D - Damn good
E - Enormous
F - Fake

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A Ukrainian and a Jew were discussing how far each could make a dime reach, and agreed to try it and meet a few days later to see who'd get the most out of a dime.

The Jew bought a cigar, and smoked one-third the first day and saved the ashes. He smoked one-third the second day and saved the ashes. He smoked one-third the third day and again saved the ashes, and on the fourth day he gave the ashes to his wife to use as fertilizer on her roses.

He told the Ukrainian, "I know you can't beat that for stretching a dime."

The Ukrainian said, "I got you beat. I bought a Polish sausage for a dime, and the first day I ate one-half, and on the second day I ate the other one-half. The third day I used the skin for a condom, and the fourth day I took a shit in the skin and sewed it back up. The fifth day I took it back to the butcher and told him it smelled like shit. He agreed with me and gave me my dime back!"

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Two storks are sitting in their nest - a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying so the father stork is trying to calm him.

"Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."

The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, and the baby stork is crying again. The mother says,

"Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."

A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate because their son has been absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night.

The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!"


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When the cattle had been loaded into cars and shipped to Chicago for sale, each car was appointed an attendant to feed and water the cattle during the journey. This is the story of such a cowboy:

Following the unloading of the cattle in Chicago, the cowboy headed to a restaurant for dinner. The only seat was next to a lady who looked wealthy and educated. He couldn't help overhearing her order. "I'll have a breast of fowl, virgin fowl, make sure it's a virgin, catch it yourself, garnish my plate with onions, a cup of coffee, not too hot, not too cold, and open the window, I smell a cow, there must be a cowboy in here."

Thoroughly pissed off, the cowboy placed his order. "I'll have a duck, a fucked duck, make sure it's fucked, fuck it yourself, garnish my plate with horse shit, a cup of coffee, strong as Texas mule piss, blow the foam off with a fart, and knock out the wall, I smell a cunt, there must be a whore in the house."

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It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. They were an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.

The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!"

The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink water, etc. without getting wet!"

Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people laugh at me!"

The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a distance."

The hen spoke up, "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger hole or smaller eggs."

[Spec2 Girl]

:hehehe: Well done Mr Darkness!

[Ando_Rules]

haha those r some nice ones Darkness, the bra size and the comboy one r the best

[ragt20]

rofl some good ones there darkness

[primera man]

Very good Mr Darkness

[Mugen_R]

lol, those are so hilarious