Mars VS Venus

[Oz]

Methinks possible repost, but here we go:

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's a
prime example offered by an English professor from the University of
Phoenix:

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the
first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that
paragraph
and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and
then add another paragraph to the story and send it back also sending
another
copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on
back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in
order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking
outside
of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).


THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him
too
much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.



(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than
the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "C.S. Harris to Geostation
17,....", he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit
established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off
a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his
ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his
seat and across the cockpit.


(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited
her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when
the days
had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become
a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the
first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who
pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined
to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty
the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85
million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference
table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em
out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile
tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ****ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an
air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

(Rebecca)
*******.

(Gary)
*****.
**********************************************
(TEACHER)
A -- I really liked this one! Only team to get an A.

[sidewinder69]

W3rd Oz, that was fucking hillarious!!!!!

Later!

[drklver]

damn that shits funny!!!