proposal

[Igovert500]

OK, I don't want this thread turning to crap. So if you please, don't bother responding, unless you actually did propose/or accept.

My question to you guys (and girls), in all seriousness, when/how did you know it was time to propose, and/or accept?

I've had a few drinks, which very well may account for this thread, but in all seriousness, I'm interested. I've been dating the same girl for almost 4 years, we are both done with school, and we've talked about the future. Call it being a typical guy, call it what you will, but I have that hesitation in the back of my mind; yet quite often (and granted, when I've been drinking) I find myself wondering/thinking, that it might be time.

Her brother, who is a year younger than me (she is a year older than me), got engaged about 8 months ago, and his fiance' is now pregnant, and I just wonder sometimes...how long I should be putting this off?

So as I said, it might be the alcohol, but I'm curious as to your thoughts/comments.

[MonsterBengt]

How old are you two? I know that's not all to important if you're done with school and all. But personally, if you have a stabile relationship overall, and you yourself think it's time.. then propose. Leave the other part to her to decide.

[jon@af]

I know you asked for advice from those who have actually proposed, but I figured I would share what I've heard along the grapevine and learned along the way.

This might sound like a "duh" answer but with the friends I've talked to about it, it's really been the most important to when they proposed to their now fiances: Do it when you are ready and also when you think your relationship is ready. I saw that you mentioned her brother being engaged and questioned your own status because of that. I'm not saying it's bad to consider proposing because he did, but if that's one of the determining factors, just wait until you yourself feel good about asking.

Bottomline: if you feel that engagement/marriage is the best next step for your relationship, by all means do it! but make sure it is what you want for yourself and your relationship with your girlfriend.

Oh yeah, and be sure to share the creative way you proposed. Good luck with whatever happens mang!

[windowpane]

I violate your requested 'data pool', so if your adamant about that don't read but it won't hurt you to.

I've been around long enough to see too many 'young people' get married too early, this may not be you, but to me tossing in 'her brother...' hints at that you might be feeling like you should because him/others etc.

I'm the kind of person that when I get married I want it to be forever, I don't want a second wife, so dating for several years like 3-5 if not more is mandatory before marriage and then I'm selfish so if kids are in the 'plan' another 3-5 years of just me and my wifey living it up.

That's me, only you can decide what's for you, if you really love this woman and are ready and want this then you can go for it now or a few months whatever. You can also make your engagement a year long or more, lots of people today get married in less than a year after proposing so it is almost like 'lets get married', mandatory wedding plans, ok time for the wedding. If your trying to figure out for yourself when the right time is, your kinda on your own, its all up to you. The only thing that might factor in that is if she is intent on getting married sooner rather than later or what, I'm sure after nearly 4 years you have talked a little bit about eachothers views on marriage so you have an idea about whether she will wait, if thats what you want to do, or if she's in a 'hurry'.

You can 'put this off' for as long as you want, but if she wants to get married sooner you may face losing her if you keep 'putting it off' it is complicated and up to you/her based on what you both want.

[GTP Dad]

I proposed to my wife after dating her for only 6 weeks. We have been together for almost 23 years now. I really can't tell you when the time is right but I can tell you this, if your whole life revolves around your relationship and you can't think of anything else but spending all your time together then it is time to pop the question. Unfortunately, no two relationships are the same so the time for action will be up to you! Good Luck!

[stone_mound_camaro]

Originally Posted by GTP Dad

I proposed to my wife after dating her for only 6 weeks. We have been together for almost 23 years now. I really can't tell you when the time is right but I can tell you this, if your whole life revolves around your relationship and you can't think of anything else but spending all your time together then it is time to pop the question. Unfortunately, no two relationships are the same so the time for action will be up to you! Good Luck!

cheers to you my friend. I have never seen a marriage of this era (post 1980) last more than 5 years. I thought all marriages end in divorce these days

[GTP Dad]

Well fortunately for me I found a woman that I am totally devoted to and she is devoted to me. Our interests are varied and we are really opposites but that keeps things interesting and we have always gotten along. Only ever had one fight in 23 years. But we continue to make the relationship better as we go. I guess that is one of the secrets of a happy marriage.

[Damien]

Originally Posted by stone_mound_camaro

cheers to you my friend. I have never seen a marriage of this era (post 1980) last more than 5 years. I thought all marriages end in divorce these days

there are quite a few. i think th divorce thing is so publizied it no one looks for couples together and if they find one that's been together for ahwile, they make it like it's finding the holy grail. 30yrs for my rents tomorrow.

But as for the proposal thing, it's hard man, it really is. I had a girlfriend of 5 months, she lived with me for 3 months and was around the corner for 2 and I knew her a month before we started dating. Maybe it was immature, but I had the idea and was about to do it.Didn't, not sure if i came tomy senses or what but it is a matter of whats in your head and well, maybe it's alcohol or maybe it's not, but you gotta do what's right by you and not society. Whether or not you turn out a statistic in divorce rates, at least it was your choice and not that after 4 yrs you should finally propose.

[Igovert500]

Thanks for the advice guys. I think the alcohol did play a role in this one. I'm 23, she is almost 25 to whomever asked. In all seriousness, tons of our friends/relatives of around the same age have been getting engaged, which is kinda getting to me. But at the same time, I have always felt they have been going forward with it at too young an age.

It is just that is currently a long distance relationship, it has been for the past year, and will again for the next year, then chances are we are moving back in together (again). Due to jobs and other family responsibilities we are a state apart, but I'm in no danger of losing her, so that isn't even an issue. Guess it's just a subject that crosses my mind when we are apart and I've been drinking. Thanks for the advice.

[vinnym86]

don't get tempted by others around you. its like buying a car, (well, not really, but work with me here), you don't want to get that shiny red convertible just cuz your neighbor got one, and your cousin has one, and ur friend has one, etc. you might end up deeply damaging your wallet. Make sure you're ready, make sure she's ready. maybe this long-distance thing will be helpful, see how you to handle the distance in the relationship. If you feel confident one day, pop the question in whatever way you find best fitting.
The reason i'm telling you to make sure is that, although i'm only 20 and currently single, my cousin who is like a sister to me was in a relationship for 6 years, and she and her bf just broke up. All their friends had gotten engaged around them while they were going out, so if they had gotten married then, who knows, maybe it would have ended in divorce... then again, maybe not, only they know. just make sure you know what you're doing, i.e., don't be drunk when you decide.