[Oz]

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone.
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 mins.
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What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
Sexual Harassment.
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What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.
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How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
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How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get the remote control.
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What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.
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What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down?
Marriage.
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How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.
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What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
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What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
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How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
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Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen
donuts.
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Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony?
The woman who ate the last donut.
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What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
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Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off, you wonder where the breast went.
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Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a man?
Because a man who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be
able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
said,
"I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said, "Damn, I wish I had your willpower."
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."