Maintenance and repair on the Audi and BMW will be considerably more expensive than either of the other options you listed.
I can say that AWD in Subaru is pretty flipping awesome. I may have a boring Forester, but holy COW is it fun to do AWD drifting in my 5spd!!!! Unfortunately, my experience in the WRX was prior to the STi model addition and I can say the WRX wagon I test drove (read: beat) SUCKED!
The pedals were too close together, the clutch felt unreasonably stiff and it actually didn't handle as well as expected. I suspect the standard 4-door STi would probably handle better than the wagon did.
And while I feel your pain on not wanting to haul everyone around, the insurance will be *slightly* cheaper on a 4-door, although insurance won't be cheap on ANY of the makes/models you're seeking.