Hi Hummerman, I think I know exactly what you are talking about!
I used to be a very shy person, and in fact by some people's standards I probably still am! But I have come out of it quite a lot, and don't have much of a problem with people (at least from my point of view
).
Anyway, Shyness can definitely be a pain in the ass.......especially if you are not comfortable with pushing yourself onto other people. I think you have a good start to helping yourself simply by the fact you mentioned you get invited places and have friends! Some people don't even have that!
Dealing with people over the Internet should also give you a helping hand in meeting people in real life.
I can't guarantee these things will help you - all I can say is they helped me out at a time when I was very depressed and didn't know many people:
Take as many opportunies as you can to meet and/or be around people - whether it be at parties, sports, family gatherings, computer groups, personal interest groups, it doesn't matter. Its cliche I know, but things like that really do build character. At the same time, don't feel that you absolutely have to go something - the great thing about friends is that you can pick and choose the ones you want - if you don't want to go to a party because you don't like who will be there, then don't waste your time.
If you do go somewhere, don't have any expectations at all about what will or will not happen - It puts needless pressure on yourself (which will only make things worse). The fact of the matter is, there is a good chance you won't meet any new people or even have a great time. The point is, you MAY have a good time, and that will keep you coming back for more.
If you go to a party or function and don't have a good time - its no big deal, it just means that next time will be better, or that there won't be a next time. I am not afraid to say that initially I spent a lot of parties standing alone, knowing perhaps one or two people there - sure it can be uncomfortable, but at the end of the day what do you lose? Not a lot I would suggest - and I think its better than sitting on the couch at home wondering what might have been.
I think DVSNCYNIKL said it nicely, the more exposure you have to people, the more comfortable and confident you will be. When that starts happening, the spiral will work upwards - people will be more comfortable around you because YOU are more comfortable around them, meaning conversation will be easier, you will grow in confidence, and so on.......
I know it can be hard thing to deal with - "getting out there" is so much harder if you are naturally shy.
My 02 is that if you really want to help yourself you need just a bit of determination and most importantly encouragement (from some fellow AF'ers perhaps
).
Hope that helps.