[quteasabutton]

so i figured i'd jump on the jokethread bandwagon. sorry if these are (all) reposts.

 A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in
the kitchen listening to her young son playing with
his new electric train in the living room. She heard
the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of
bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause
this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who
are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause
we’re going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don’t use
that kind of language in this house. Now I want you
to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO
HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your
train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom
and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train
stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers
who are disembarking from the train please remember to
take all of your belongings with you. We thank you
for riding with us today and hope your trip was a
pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She
hears the little boy continue, "For those of you
just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand
luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on
the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing
journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For
those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR
delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.



A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while
sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous
woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for their most
expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her,
knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the
night.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over
to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a
nearby table. She looks at the the man, then at the
wine and decides to send a note over to the man.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need
to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars
in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

The man, after reading this note, sends another note
to her. It read:
"Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari
Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my
garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the
bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you,
would I cut three inches off my dick. Just send the
wine back."



A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER’S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER’S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER’S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.