[speediva]

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Pardon my language, but I've needed to let this rip for about 2 hours now.


FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!

Okay, yeah. I was actually dealing with the break up rather well. I realized that we really do make better friends than "lovers" which was agreeable. Now I find out the MFer was actively going after this fucking blonde for several weeks now!!! Sure, I did some harmless flirting, but he was having friends find out information about this fucking chick... I wanted to slap him but instead I grabbed his arm and left him with "I knew there was a blonde." Of course, to cover his ass (and this was before I had gotten verification of the blonde) but he was all like "I didn't do it so I could go after anyone..." Whatthefuckever! This may not seem to be such a big deal, but one of my insecurities comes from one of my ex's whom I dreamt cheated on me, and turns out he did with someone who looked just like the blonde in my dream. So I made these jokes with the new ex about how when we were dating and he didn't answer his phone he was with "the blonde." Which for a while he went along with it. Then suddenly he was all like "c'mon, it's not true. that's enough of that." Which should have been my marker. But no.

Then the more I think about it... I realize that he originally asked me out not long after he asked out this new blonde that he's going after now. She said no, and like 2 weeks later I was the object of attention. So he basically picked me since I was available at the time. Then when things changed, suddenly we need to be friends. And last but not nearly least, he's dated 2 other of my girl friends who are in our little "group". I should have known that once I completed the trifectorate that I'd be worthless. he's even been avoiding my calls to his cell. Damn it all to Hell.

Yeah, I'm done now. I just had to vent that all out since I'm not supposed to know for sure that he was after someone else while dating me.