quick facts: i'm 17 1/2, have a job, senior in high school and still live at home now for the story.. my mom used to be really nice and caring, overall an awesome parent..idk something must've happened to her like 5 years ago cuz thats when things started to really get bad. my dad isn't nice either. my mom has told me she doesn't love me anymore and she fucking hates me and wishes i would get the fuck out of her house. when i was 14 she bought me a cookbook for college... every day i get screamed at for something, often i haven't done anything wrong at all. she turned my cell service off because i refused to give her my phone every night at 10 when she went to bed. partly cuz i was doing bad in school but i'm a big girl and i think i should be let just learn my lesson. i paid for the phone anyways. so i work as a cashier at a petstore making $7.25 an hour, and i am typically a afternoon/night person. so i have to close the store and all that fun stuff. we usually get done late, between 10 and 11 so what time i get home varies. since i have to buy almost all my own food for myself i sometimes go grocery shopping afterwards. since my mom turned off my cell service, i had no way of calling her to tell her i was going to be another 30 minutes late and there was no other phone i could use. but i got screamed at when i got home that i was lying about where i was *i was holding the bag of groceries in my hands in front of her..wtf* and that i should've called and blah blah i'm such a failure and all that. she is constantly telling me i'm ugly and disgusting and an embarrassment and how i'm going to die of all sorts of things and all she's gonna say is i told u so. i drink soda so her and my dad keep telling me that i'm going to die of diabetes after they cut all my limbs off and i go blind. they tell me i've already failed in life so i shoudl just give up and i'll never make it into college *i got a 26 on my ACT, i think i'll be ok anyways* all my friends stopped speaking to me awhile ago for various reasons like they felt they were too good for me and stuff...imagine losing 5 friends and ur bf of almost a year in 2 weeks, yes it sucked. my friend wes has been my best friend for years now and he loves me so much but right now he isn't speaking to me either and yeah that sucks the most...he's always there to tell me someone cares about me when my parents punish me for things i didnt' do *they've made up stuff i've done and then punished me for it, it's so dumb* i also have to buy all my own clothes and save for a new car and college. i pay for my own gas and that's totally fair and fine with me. i'm not counting on my parents paying for college cuz if they will or not depends on their mood. yesterday my dad told me if i want to sound stupid all i have to do is open my mouth and he sure as hell isn't paying for college for someone as dumb as me who just wastes their life..i don't. i get in trouble for going out and doing stuff and then i get in trouble and they make fun of me and call me a loser with no friends and that everyone hates me if i stay home so i dont get yelled at for going out. if i do my hw i get yelled at for being busy with something, if i try and do w/e they want me to do my hw doesn't get done. i think my hw is more important than me cleaning the kitchen cuz they didn't feel like doing it. i help around the house when i can, i am always cleaning things up and picking up stuff. i'm a good girl, i don't go out and party EVER, i've never drank and never smoked. i'm just sick of being told i suck and that everyone hates me. my brother is 16 and my parents let him do anything he wants, he gets away with everything and it pisses me off. every morning before school he dicks around and then when i want to leave he has like 18 more things to do and then i get in trouble for getting mad cuz i'll be late. the last like 9 months or so i've been hooking up/hanging out with guys a few years older than me just to get away and be with someone that at least seemed like they cared about me. that's not the kind of girl i want to be. i want to meet a nice guy and be happy...any suggestions on how to fix all that i've fucked up?
p.s. i heart 2.2 straight six!
