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If you are towing a light boat and the tranny isn't hunting for the gear (switching between 3 and 4) you should tow in D.
You certainly are right; if you are towing a heavier load, and the tranny is laboring so much at speed that it hunts for a gear, certainly tow in 3. But one would need to carefully watch both the rpm and more importantly the temp.
The 3rd gear on a 4speed isn't the same as the 3rd gear on a 3speed, the vehicle isn't meant to travel at speed in 3rd gear, that is why I would reccommend keeping it slow.
How far do you travel with your 3400# boat at 60mph in 3rd? Ever overheated?
I don't have much experience with a mini-van and towing. If there is something vastly different about these transmissions I certainly apologize, and would like to know more about the towing capacity of these vans. I was speaking in general terms based on experience with vehicles that are meant to tow boats. I used to work for a boat transporter, and a marina.
-TIM
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