[jeffreyb4me]

Just a few thoughts on some of your problems...

A manual is a sreat ides and highly recommended, any major bookstore will have or can order it.

While 'Peete' has a couple of great ideas, especially the shift tower mount problem BMW's can have , I think your problem lies elsewhere.
1] the wrong gear oil, too heavy a weight will cause this problem, but ussually ONLY when cold.
2] the most likely cause is, unfortunately a 'dragging' clutch pilot bearing or seperating clutch disc. The reason it will shift when you put it 5th is because your using this gear to stop the other gears inside the transmission momentarily. It's easiest using 5th because this gear can match the speed of the spinning input shaft more quickly and bring it to a halt. If you wait too long between 5th and shifting to first, you'll find it difficult again because the shafts will soon begin spinning again.
2a] if the shift tower mounts were that bad, it would be tough finding R, 1st, 3rd or 5th.
2b] this clutch problem does, however, require transmission removal and clutch replacement to correct. Your current solution will mitigate the problem for quite a while until the clutch needs replacement for wear [slipping] perhaps and that would be a fine time to follow 'Peete's" other recomendations.

The cold starting problem is likely the "Thermo Time Switch". I'd recomend AGAINST using anything to clean your intake or injectors other than a quality fuel additve. The Thermo Time Switch is what turns the "Cold Start Valve" on momentarily while cranking a cold or lukewarm engine and they all eventuelly fail. It's mounted top front, just behind the thermostat housing. It's the biggest of the sensors you'll find there and easy to replace.

Hope this helped, best to you, stay in touch..............................jeff b.