Alex, first you and your wife should calm down. For a minute or two.
Then, go back to the selling dealer (civilly), calm, cool, and collected and (taking the documentation with you of course) negotiate a switcheroo. You take mine back and I'll take a new one (you might have to let go of a few $100 bills, but not too many; depends on the mileage on the lemon). I had to do that back in '98. It works. Much simpler than all of the court shenanigans. I pray for the poor soul that gets your lemonade. And I pray that the new one is "A OK".