[Raz_Kaz]

LOL, I've heard all of those except the last one...still funny though.
Rules of Dating (for College)

1. In an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of sexual tension and the beginning of a relationship. In college, it means somebody's horny.

2. In an imaginary world, "I really like spending time with you" and "you're cool" mean I REALLY like spending time with you and you ARE cool. In college, it means "will you fuck me?"

3. In an imaginary world, holding hands is the first sign of true love, in college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.

4. In an imaginary world the guy buys dinner and a movie and kisses you goodnight at your front door. In college, there is no such thing as a dinner and a movie and at the end of a date, most guys want a hell of lot more that a kiss goodnight.

5. In an imaginary world, men aren't afraid to admit their feelings. In college, if you ask them what they want or why they kissed you they respond, "Why do you think?" Refer to number one for definition.

6. In an imaginary world, sleepovers are sleepovers. Just that. In college it's a fuckfest or pretty close to it.

7. In an imaginary world the guy might call you the day after. In college, you're lucky if he acknowledges your presence when you walk by. Or if they do call back, refer to number one again, for the reason.

8. In an imaginary world even gorgeous guys are nice. In college, cute guys are asses, unattractive men are desperate, and nice guys finish last.

9. In an imaginary world, sex is sacred and special. In college, it happens every night between drunk strangers, who don't even know each others names.

10. In an imaginary world, men have only one girl, chickie, babe, woman. In college, you are the only one, except for, Jodi, Jean, Alisha, Sara, Laura, Liz, Christy, Carrie, Jen, Mary, Katie, Jeff, Gretchen, Andi...
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Computing Definitions

Access Time: The time between the instant at which information is called for, and the instant at which management expects the final report.

Analog: what Ana tosses into the fire.

Assembler: One who drops his card deck.

Bandwidth: Limited by the size of the stage.

Bit: The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.

Breakpoint: The point at which programmer increments past last bit available.

Buffer: Programmer who works in the nude.

Chaining: A method of attaching programmers to desk, to speed up output.

Character density: Number of weird people in the office, divided by floor space.

Checkpoint: The location from which a programmer draws his salary.

Console: What one does to a depressed computer.

Copy protection: Wearing a condom.

Core storage: A receptacle for the center section of apples.

Counter: An area over which martini's are served.

Crash: What a detached programmer would dearly love to do, for at least eight hours.

Cursor: An expert in four-letter words.

Default: De line west of which de state of california will float off to sea at de next major quake.

Device: Medieval torture instrument such as thumbscrew, iron maiden.

DAT: The opposite of DIS.

Documentation: A manual which tells you how to use a program, system, or utility one version ago, and which is now unsupported.

E-mail: An on-line escort agency specialising in the provision of drugged men.

Error: What someone else has made when they disagree with your computer output.

Escape sequence: Distract guard. Dig tunnel. Cut through fence...

External Storage: Wastebasket.

Fixed Word Length: Four letter word used by programmers in a state of confusion.

Hardware: The parts of a computer that can be kicked or the nuts, bolts, and circuit boards "left over" after repairman has reassembled cpu.

Home computer: What you tell your computer when it follows you.

Hypertext: Text on amphetamines.

Ink jet: a plane used for sky writing.

I/O Device: Note you sign for the bank in/order to get loan for new (old) car.

Library: An organized collection of obsolete material.

Loop: See loop.

Low Order Position: The programmer's location in the chain of command.

Machine-Independent Program: A program which won’t run on any machine.

Mainframe: Primary person who just got set up for the blame of the system crash.

Microsecond: Amount of time needed for a program to bomb.

Modem: What the gardener did to the lawns.

Multi-sync: Can be sunk more than once.

Nanosecond: Measure of time on Mork's planet Ork.

Off-Line: Uncharitable remarks programmer makes to wife or husband upon being phoned at 9pm to come in because system just crashed.

On-Line: Programmer trying to deal rationally on phone with management at 9pm.

Password: The nonsense word taped to the side of you monitor.

Performance: A statement of the speed at which a computer system works or, rather, might work under certain circumstances, or was rumoured to be working about a month ago.

Peripheral: Now you see it, now you don't...

Printout: A document to verify data you know is wrong anyway.

Programmer: Red eyed mumbling mammal, capable of communicating with inanimate objects.

Source file: One which was "appropriated" from one of the competitors.

Switch: When management changes its mind.

Word wrap: Black music.

Ymodem: because, modem.