No, you are not a dumb guy.

Your car does not have a dipstick for the AT Fluid. Unfortunately, checking the fluid level is a rather involved process. The plug to check the level is under the car on the tranny fluid pan and Bentley states that it is important to have the fluid at a specific tempurature to get an accurate read. Also, if you choose to get under the car to do this, the car really needs to be level (read: either 4 jack stands or a lift).

I like to maintain my own vehicle to the extent possible, but when I determined what was required to check and change the tranny fluid, I had a pro do it.

Good luck.