Funniest Thing you've heard a ricer say!

I stole this idea from the link forums but whats the funniest thing you've heard a ricer say or do?

I got this message from the guy whom I just raced with the turbo 420A Neon

Today at 1:42pm
gt35R is a turbo that mightaswell be deemed an srt4 turbo it spools fast and makes big power with little or no mods on an srt4 its by far the best turbo i could put on..
I dont race in sauga on weekends i go to the big time runs like the shit you see on the movies 1000s of cars all come out race police chases its a crazy good time i am there friday and saturday every week i ususally set up the spots cause i know everyone there

I kinda giggled like a school girl

I had a kid in my HS auto shop class that hooked up a nitrous system put in his car JUST for the purge, it wasn't actually put into the motor. Oh, did I mention he used Co2 instead? thuper ghey

I don't talk to too many car people around here because all the people my age are pretty useless when it comes to, well pretty much anything. When a ricer tries talking to me nowadays when I'm driving, I'll just roll up the window. And now I can do it without looking stupid since I have power windows now.

Ha ha ha ha.

I remember once Sophomore year of college I was in an into to Mechanical Engineering class and we had to use our knowledge of physics, dynamics, chemistry, thermodynamics, or whatever else we wanted, to describe what's going on "behind the scenes" of a normal activity. So this bony ass buck toothed guy goes up right, 5'7" 110 lb with a flat-brimmed "gangster" hat tilted sideways as shit (complete with necessary Dragon Ball Z hair sticking out), skate shoes, baggy ass pants sagged to the cusp of his ass of course, a bright red XXL shirt with a Honda emblem on it, and to top it all off some mAd TyTe GaNgStA iCe. I just about shit myself at how ridiculous this guy looked until he started talking. Then I did shit myself. The ONLY part of the presentation that was right was how he explained how the turbo worked, but then proceded to tell us that at 20psi you're really only putting in 5.3 psi of extra air, since atmospheric pressue is 14.7. Pictures of his '95 Civic come up, complete with primer body kit mind you, with a turbo on it. Then he goes on about how his Honda had 120 hp before, but only 160 after he put a 50 trim on at 20 psi because it was only a ~30% increase in air pressure. He finishes by telling us he switched the turbo for nitrous oxide and that nawz (yes, he said nawz) is a way better value because his 100 dry shot was only $xxx compared to his turbo setup being $xxxx. I sat there with my jaw on my sternum while all the kids talked about how cool his car was and how informative the presentation was. That aside from all the bench racing that happens on the car forum of my hometown, was the worst thing I'd ever heard.

Wow. That was pretty intense. So you're telling me that I turbos don't make any real power? Good to know for future :D

Guy pulls up to me in a mini

Him: What you got in that thing
Me: How much time you got
HIm: so shes pretty fast
Me: I run high 12's its my DD I'm happy with it.
Him: I bet I would beat you 60'
Me: Really?? (disbelieve) what you got?
HIm its just stock
Me Then no you wouldn't
Him My car is lighter then yours
Me I got AWD and run 1.7's
Him (not knowing what 1.7 means) I got a 1.6 (musta been talking about engine L)
HIm well you might be able to beat me topend but I would beat you to 60mph
Me No you won't (shaking my head solemnly)
HIm I got a porsche at home
Me sorry I gotta go

Wow. That was pretty intense. So you're telling me that I turbos don't make any real power? Good to know for future :D

Dave your car isin't even making boost. 14.7-8psi = -6.7psi. Actually the atmosphere is suckin air OUT of your motor. Imagine that...

Stevie - Thats fuckin hilarious. I dont ever get these people come up to me. I feel like im missing out on the fun.

hahaa

when he said, "i have a porche at home," you should have replied "you better go get it"

i was in an auto tech class at community college and saw all kinds

probably the one that aggrivated me the most was this stupid gangster guy(im not racist) who had an early 90's convertable mustang, with dual exhaust and a loud ass sound system, and INSISTED, with a passion like you wouldnt believe, how bad he could beat ANYBODY he raced, i mean every week he had a new story about how he "was riding and this vette(civic, evo, ect.) would wanna race him and he did and by 3rd gear he always pulled so far away that no one could catch him" and i knew his engine was stock because i had seen it

so i constantly asked him to go to the track and he was always "busy"

:jerking:

Not too many ricers here in CO, a ton of 4x4 guys so we are usually on different wavelengths. and unfortunately nobody ever tries to race me cuz i would love that.

Best i have heard was one of my very good friends who told me that the reason you bring the revs up to launch a car is to bring the oil pressure up, granted that is a result but he was certain it had nothing ot do with having your clutch engage at higher rpms.

"Your turbo won't do well over 20 psi."

"Hi guys, I'm Dustin."

"Hi guys, I'm Dustin."

lol hahaha

Brian whats the funniest thing a ricer ever said to you while you were driving your... oh wait nevermind.

lol hahaha

Brian whats the funniest thing a ricer ever said to you while you were driving your... oh wait nevermind.

Har... Har... Har... :rolleyes:


I actually dealt with more ricers when I had the Firebird than I do the Talon... Maybe that's partially cause the Talon hasn't seen sunlight in years... Hmmm...


Actually there was this one kid I used to work with who ran his mouth to me everyday about how fast his Mazda Protege was. Said he would whoop any car in town with it. Mind you it was bone stock, four door and slow as shit... One day we went somewhere for lunch and I took him for a ride in the Talon when it was stock. I hit the street out of the parking lot and gave it all hell clear up through 3rd gear and was flying in no time. I looked over at him and he had a death grip on the door panel. We got back from our little trip and sure enough he started talkin bout his car again to someone else. I was like, hey it's test and tune at the track tonight, you wanna go line em up and see if my Talon can keep up with your Protege? He was like, Uhh... No man, no. It's having some problems with the tranny and I don't think its a good idea tonight...

Sure it did... :wink:

:rofl:

Haha. That's just awesome.

My boy is not so much talking shit YET, but getting there with his IS300 he just bought. I don't know what kind of power they put down, and it's auto, so it may give me a run. But he knows better than to get up in my face about "who's is faster". Hell, I started building the Talon just to beat his MX-6 that he had. Slowly but surely I accomplished that. Our closed course is closed right now for construction, so we haven't gone at it yet. Once it's open again, then we'll run and see.

And once the build is done though, well that's another story.

There was this guy that had this new model civic. It was a fake SI, had a nice body kit and hood and everything, actually looked good. I would always rev up at him and the rest of his cool car club.

One day me and my boy rode up town, and went to walmart (I think to buy some shotty shells or something) and as soon as the car (srt) pulled into the parking spot, this guy with the civic comes out of NOWHERE and just runs up on me.

Him: I got a race for you, stay right there!
Me: You finally gone run that honda!?
Him: No, I got something for ya, DOnt go anywhere, Ill be right back
Me: I wanna race the civic!
Him: Hell no, wait here.

Then he drives off...so I wait. He comes back like 15 mins later and some guy in a pretty new M3 was following him. So the guy with the civic pulls up and starts talking shit bout I need to race him, and how he will kill me and all this. Theres a bunch of people around.

And I was just like, how you going to challenge me with someone elses car?...I wanna race YOU. Hes like nah, nah, race this. And Im like, PULL YOUR SHIT OUT.
So they start talking shit bout how that M3 will merk me, so IM like fuck it I aint scared, lets run.

I was like this is a stock ass neon and I will kill you, They want to see under the hood so I show them. Then I say pop the hood on the M3. The civic guy is like, nah nah, show him after we beat em. So Im like whatever. They pop it its stock.

Make a long story short, we pulled em out on 95, done a 40 roll. He shifts gears like my great grandma. It was close for like 3 seconds, then we pulled him hard.

After that, we went back to the spot, and I was about to start talking mad shit.....but when we got there, they had a change in attitude....they werent talking no shit, they were super nice and all on our jocks....it was wierd.

Oh yea. One time me and my home boy were having a disscusion about how his 01 Sonoma loses oil. I knew it doesnt smoke or anything, so I asked him if it leaks any oil, he said no. Then this other kat is like..."maybe its got an internal oil leak". And we are just like huh....what? Then we just start ragging this guy, and he says, "I meant water"....And then Im like....wait whats water got to do with oil.

Lol, I said, You tried to catch it, and make yourself seem not as stupid....but then you just made your self seem even stupider. So we just continued to ramshack him and he got hella pissed.

Any time they tell you what there car "runs in the 1/4" based on estimation because of an intake mod or exhaust they aren't even tuned for and a magazine test. An intake isn't going to take 2 seconds off of your time!!!! Not to mention the fact that they can't drive and would be hard pressed to get within a second of the published time.

funny how that happens eh vanilla

I finally figured out how ricers calculate quartermile times.
Ready for this Lets use an example

Stock Civic actually runs 16s in real world stock decent driver.
Then They find the fastest time listed in any magazine or internet source posted anywhere and quote it like its the bible. Now they have a 15.4s car.

Then they assume whoever that was driving that car wasn't as good a driver as them.
Now they have a 14's car.

They add an intake header and exhaust and someone somewhere has quoted that it will shave 1s off their et's (from a 16s car which is a lot easier to do then from a faster car) and now they have a 13s car.

They take out their back seat and spare tire and now they have a 12's car.

Now here's where it gets interesting.

They race their buddys civic with the exact same mods as them and by associative retardism they both believe that they have 12's cars going head to head.

One of the cars wins by lets say a second and instead of qualifying the second place car as a "13s" car they subtract one second from the winning cars time so not to discredit their ricer logic. So the winning car is now an 11s car where the losing car remains a 12s car. This is now the benchmark for all other ricers.

Their tautological logic works so flawlessly it cannot be disproven until a real 11,12,13 or even 14 second car disproves them or they go to the track.

If it is the former then it was likely a street race and there are a myriad of reasons which can discredit the run. Either that or the driver of the true car gets ricer classified as a 10 or 9 second car based on their previous logic.

IF it is the latter than the track excuses apply which are also plentiful which include but are not limited to; slippery track, too hot a day, no slicks, bald tires, bad tune, vtech issues etc etc.

Haha nice stevie.

The most funny thing I have had said to me was when I was sitting in a parking lot with a couple friends. This guy walks up to my car and is checking out my front mount. He walks over to me and says "Nice front mount man! Is it turboed?" I replied with "Nah man, I just shined up my radiator last night." Stupid answer for a stupid question.

Other than that, I live in a small rural town so there are a lot of "11 second" contours, civics, and probes. Of course they all insist on revving and burning out at every stop light.

HAHAHA Stevie. Makes sense though.

Id have to say the funniest thing I have heard is when I was in school and a guy at school wanted to see the engine bay in my GSX. So I pop the hood and he says oh you still got your stock turbo. So I ask him how can you tell. He says oh I used to have a laser and it had a TDO5H turbo too, they aren't very quick. In that one sentence he basically told me how stupid he was, and ever since then I had no respect for the douche.
He had a v6 camaro which we rebuilt the engine in class and he was convinced it was going to have at least 400 whp. The car isn't running to this day. Currently he drives a 2000 cavalier with F1 racing side mirrors and a loud exhaust, and he is convinced that he can beat anything on the road unless its a cobra mustang.

When will these LOSERS be eliminated from the gene pool?

This was a couple years back in high school my best friend had a 300zx and showing it off in auto class. this guy comes up to us and says "sweet ride, but my brother's has vtech" we asked him are you sure, he kept insisting that it did. we bursted out laughing once he left!!!:rofl:

Got a new one!

So I made a quick run to Taco Bell cause the food at work sucks. There are a bunch of ricers in their bone stock cars with loud exhausts parked everywhere. As usual, they were being loud and obnoxious. The Cobalt has a louder exhaust on it from the last owner, so I decided to have some fun while sitting in the drive thru. Little rev... Some of them look. Little bit of time passes and I give it another rev, but this time a little higher. Quite a few of them look. I hear them talkin shit. I get my food and I get on it some out of the drive thru to the road. I'm sitting there waiting on traffic and I hear one of them yell "Hey you!" I didn't look. Still waiting on traffic. "Hey Cobalt!" Still didn't look. Traffic clears and I launch it out of the parking lot onto the road and the thing ran surprisingly good for a Cobalt. As I'm going past the remaining bit of parking lot the one kid yells "Get back here and race us!" I leave and go down the road and park back at work. I'm walking back in and I see em all flying down the road looking for me. Nothing more fun than stirring up the bees for the night! :thumbsup:

One of my boys boss owns a Corvette. His status on Facebook the other day was...

"Went to the Chevy dealership and asked the for clutch fluid. The parts manager said, 'ok, for auto or manual?' I walked out"


HAHAH!

lol about the clutch fluid.. I just use brake fluid anyways.

Brian you should have talked with them a bit thats where their idiocracy really shines through.

But doesn't Brian driving a Cobalt and revving at the drive-up technically make him a ricer too? If he talked to them, he can be like, "Ya well I have a AWD turbo Talon at home".

But doesn't Brian driving a Cobalt and revving at the drive-up technically make him a ricer too?

lol yea I thought that too but didn't want to say anything

It does make him a ricer.....

But if his talon was in working condition....

Then he wouldnt be a ricer, no matter what he does in the Cobalt.

It does make him a ricer.....

But if his talon was in working condition....

Then he wouldnt be a ricer, no matter what he does in the Cobalt.

So give him another 5 years and then he won't be a ricer.

What the f...


If I had stopped and started talkin shit about my car at home that doesn't run then I would have been a ricer. Me toying with them to get them going doesn't make me a ricer damnit!

I work w/ a guy who just got his hands on a 06 Mazda6 Speed6 w/ a FMIC and a HKS BOV. He scored the car for 7 grand, it needs the hood and fender repainted that's it.

Now onto my semi short story.

A guy walks into my work (Rent A Center) and while I'm typing up his new agreement he starts asking about the Speed6 in the parking lot. My coworker who owns it comes over and starts talking a little bit about it. This guy at the counter says " I use to own a Saturn that could beat it!!" I'm like "O Yeah". He says "I turbo'd it" and I look at him and said "Yeah, the Speed6 still would have beat you". He then says " and it had Nawz" I'm like "You still wouldn't stand a chance". I then started to break it down for him a little bit "The Saturn is what 130 hp out of the box? Slap a turbo onto that and your looking at 180 hp...maybe. Then slap on the ol bottle of juice...you would need a 100 shot just to be at the same hp as a stock Speed6 (280 hp)". This guy then goes quiet and just starts signing his new agreement. I LOVE bench racing!!! There's my story.

i used to work with a couple of guys who decided to race. one, a regular guy in his turbo caravan, the other guy, a full on rice boy wanna be in his eclipse. for those who are unfamiliar, a turbo caravan is quite the sleeper, and needless to say, it won. the guy in the eclipse said " i would have won, but my car has california emmissions" the other guy said "ohh, well good luck with that", and we all laughed our a$$es off.

Nice, I always see ricers around town but never really talk to them.

I was eatin one day at a restaurant and a bunch of ricers came in the parkin lot revin their hondas and shit. Anyways I was about to get in my car and they started beating on the window talkin shit askin if I wanted to race and all that crap. I walked over and just said, "You dont want none" and walked away. This got them all crazy, then they all hauled ass outside you talk more shit. About how fast this dudes honda was. Unfortunately I just installed MSnS and the car had not be tuned AT ALL under boost. It really didn't even run that great so I couldn't shut them down. I just drove away slowly. Would have loved to smoke his ass.

"Went to the Chevy dealership and asked the for clutch fluid. The parts manager said, 'ok, for auto or manual?' I walked out"
:rofl:!!