Relationship Trouble - PLEASE HELP

Okay so for starters, I haven't been on here for like nine months now, but I thought I could ask you guys for a bit of help.

Right, I'm 16 years old and I have been going out with my girlfriend now since September, and she means the absolute world to me, we get along so well and I can see such a bright future for us both. We are both loyal to each other and would never dream of cheating or any of that crap.

But, over the past month or so we have been arguing over little pointless things and I honestly think it's tearing us apart. She says how I get stressed over little unimportant things and she is worried. She told me today that she is getting more and more attached to me but we are arguing more, and that is a problem.

Now I've been thinking it may be because we spend too much time together. We are in a few lessons together at school, I spend time with her every lunchtime, we hang out on either saturday or sunday and we spend about 2 hours on the phone every night (I have free calls just in case youre wondering!)

So basically I'm confused and I need some advice.. I really want to stay with her but how can I improve our relationship???

Thank you for reading, and I will appreciate any advice, :)


Jack.

What are you arguing about? Who is the first to back down and/or apologise? Is it simply a power struggle?

It takes two to argue: one to start the argument and the other to continue it.

Yeah, I'm thinking space invaders...your spending all that time together and not doing your normal stuff?
the stuff that makes you......you. Like your putting your life on hold so you can tongue f**k each other...:wink:


It takes two to argue: one to start the argument and the other to continue it.
Oh sure, act all grown up and mature about it. :rolleyes:



:)

less time together is a start. I couldn't spend time with a girl every day and then talk to her for 2 hours every day without it getting on my nerves.

You raise a valid point. Less conversation and more sex seems to help any relationship along...

Maybe you're crap in the sack.

Yeah, I think I should spend less time with her, cause we are like two old people sometimes.. arguing over stupid stuff..
And I like the more sex option.. haha
Thanks guys

Jacko -

First off, you are young. You are bound to have difficulties in a relationship simply because that is the nature of the beast. They take work, time, and energy. There is also one hell of a learning curve (plus at 16 girls have no clue what they really want).

Make sure that time apart is what you both are looking for. If it is not what she wants or you want, don't force the time apart thing. My husband and I worked and lived together for years and had no problems. We love being together (this is rare however, most are not that fortunate) and being apart would have made things worse for us not better. (Been with my hubby since I was 14 btw)

Relationships grow and change just like anything else that is "living", and from my experience relationships definitely are alive. You need to be able to sway and change with them if you can. Try to examine what it is you two are really argueing about. If it really is silly stuff, try to let it go and ask her to do the same. Don't sweat the small stuff.

(been with my hubby since I was 14 and I am in my 30's now)

with my hubby

:frown: ......*walks away heart-broke*


:lol:

:frown: ......*walks away heart-broke*


:lol:

Awwww *blush* ... There are other gearhead girlies out there. :p You just have to look under the car, not in it :grinyes:

:D Thanks Rae Rae, some of the best advice i've had! I really appreciate the help.. im determined to get it all back on track now =]

And congrats with your relationship.. that's rare nowadays!

:D Thanks Rae Rae, some of the best advice i've had! I really appreciate the help.. im determined to get it all back on track now =]

And congrats with your relationship.. that's rare nowadays!

You're welcome! The advice is the easy part, you have the hard part. Good luck!

Awwww *blush* ... There are other gearhead girlies out there. :p You just have to look under the car, not in it :grinyes:
Speaking of gearhead girls. I found a member called "chevelle_chic" and I'm like "woo hoo" and she was from Columbus, and I'm like "Oooooh right, were gonna make some chevelle babies"....then I seen she was banned....so I found out why (http://www.automotiveforums.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=430130)
..:disappoin ...thats one that should have been "under the car" (no, not working on it)
eh, too young for me anyway...
/end rant
......now back to your regularly scheduled thread........

Theres someone out there for everyone, chevelle, youve just got to find them!

Speaking of gearhead girls. I found a member called "chevelle_chic" and I'm like "woo hoo" and she was from Columbus, and I'm like "Oooooh right, were gonna make some chevelle babies"....then I seen she was banned....so I found out why (http://www.automotiveforums.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=430130)
..:disappoin ...thats one that should have been "under the car" (no, not working on it)
eh, too young for me anyway...
/end rant
......now back to your regularly scheduled thread........

Heh - under the back tires eh? Or, maybe more justice would be the front tires of a Honda? :iceslolan

Hey, now problem with the rant – that is what this area is for isn’t it?

So sad that she had to be one of those “nothing is worth it if it isn’t domestic” types. So few of us girlies as it is, then she has to be a hater :shakehead:

What is with the hate going on in the car forums between foreign and domestic? The age old argument. I love the fact that there is diversity. To each their own. I would not want to live where there was only one choice and I celebrate the fact that we have the ability to choose. It is amazing how many domestic lovers truly hate on anything else. I’ve seen it overwhelm people on another forum I am on. If you even hint at the idea of a Honda you are bashed into the ground, chastised and left for dead. I’ve tried to get them to back off but it is just like :banghead: . I have all but given up.

Sorry Jacko – mucking up your thread. I’m done. :smokin:

Rae Rae I see your point.. no worries! Back to the thread topic.. I will post an update thread in a few weeks time just to let you all know how it's getting on.. well those of you who care (Rae Rae and chevelle haha)

Ah the people on this forum do make me smile :)

What is with the hate going on in the car forums between foreign and domestic? The age old argument. I love the fact that there is diversity. To each their own. I would not want to live where there was only one choice and I celebrate the fact that we have the ability to choose. It is amazing how many domestic lovers truly hate on anything else. I’ve seen it overwhelm people on another forum I am on. If you even hint at the idea of a Honda you are bashed into the ground, chastised and left for dead. I’ve tried to get them to back off but it is just like :banghead: . I have all but given up.

Sorry Jacko – mucking up your thread. I’m done. :smokin:

My personal favorite is when you are in a forum that caters to one car, and then people start to hate because other have different mods and such. In a mustang forum I belong to people constantly fight about gearing, actually getting completely pissed off at each other and making fun of someone because they got 3.73's vs 4.10's...:banghead:

.. well those of you who care (Rae Rae and chevelle haha)
We care, we don't want anyone bummed out. :) Its just the A.D.D. kicking in, you know when your LOOK A PENNY!!!

Heh heh =] Amusing.

Jack, you and ash have your arguments, but dude there is no way those little arguments can stop you two. you need to wait until you're both calm, sit her down and talk about the stress and whatnot.

You + Ash = Happiness in our school (sorta). What would miss stovins class be like if every 2 minutes you werent waving across the room and swearing at the flat-faced teacher?

You are 2 peas in a blender (didnt expect that one did you).

Chris :D

Haha, thanks Chris.. Thats really helpful =D
2 Peas in a blender.. all mushy and green.

Why is everyone on here giving this poor kid hope? He is 16! How many of you had someone you were with when you were 16 that you "loved" or that "meant the world to you?" Then you grow up and realize you weren't in love, you were just in love with being in love! I agree there are instances when such a young relationship last but not too often! You guys met, fell in love with being in love, then realized it was not for you, even if you haven't realized it yet! Sorry Jacko but somebody had to grow some balls and tell you how it is! LOL

Why is everyone on here giving this poor kid hope? He is 16! How many of you had someone you were with when you were 16 that you "loved" or that "meant the world to you?" Then you grow up and realize you weren't in love, you were just in love with being in love! I agree there are instances when such a young relationship last but not too often! You guys met, fell in love with being in love, then realized it was not for you, even if you haven't realized it yet! Sorry Jacko but somebody had to grow some balls and tell you how it is! LOL
While I understand where you're coming from, people don't always come here for that swift kick in the teeth that says "kid, it's over." Yes, that is one option and I'm glad that you've offered it, but to say that we're wrong for offering him hope is a bit of a stretch. I would much rather offer a 16-year-old advice on how to work out a problem so he can learn by trying new methods than tell him that he has no hope and that he should deal with it when the time comes, instilling the idea that if it gets difficult, he can always quit. Though I'm not saying he WOULD always quit, I hope you see where I'm going with this.

Based on what he's asking, it's a common thing for teenagers and I think he hit it on the head by assuming that they may be spending too much time together. But before I get to that, let me say that Jacko, you're going to fight A LOT in your relationship(s) over pointless things. I've been married for a month now to a woman I've been with for nearly four years and if I had a dollar for every pointless argument we've had, I could pay off my student loans. What you need to keep in mind is that arguments aren't necessarily bad for the relationship - even some of the pointless ones. Many times, it's not really the pointless issue that sparks the argument, the pointless issue just happens to be something that can be made a scapegoat.

Dealing with a pointless argument is actually pretty difficult, but worth it in the end. I've gained a lot of patience over the years, which comes from not prolonging an argument that doesn't need to go on. If you find yourself in a pointless argument that may be geared towards you in some way, just apologize and end it as best you can, even if you don't know what you're apologizing for. This isn't always the best option, but if she's mad about something and takes it out on you for something minor, just apologize and let her calm down. When you do this, don't raise your voice, don't make exasperated sounds, just stay as calm as you can and reassure her. If you get upset, she's going to stay upset.

Now, one of the things that I've been doing a lot of throughout my relationship is picking my battles (I'm sure you've heard this somewhere). There are going to be a great many things that rub you the wrong way that will also be minor things. What you need to ask yourself before even opening your mouth is "is it worth arguing over?" It sounds cheesy, but you have no idea how many times I've saved myself a night in the doghouse by just It's kind of like what Oz said with there being someone to start it and someone to continue it, accept there is also someone who can end it.

Anyway, as was suggested, I would talk to her about the amount of time you spend together. Maybe you can eat lunch with your respective friends during lunch. Spend weekends doing things that are individual things. You want to maintain your individual lives while at the same time keeping appropriate communication.

With what you've told us about your relationship, I would say you're doing fine. Everything takes adjusting to, especially in relationships. My wife and I are adjusting to living together (never have until now) and it's been pretty trying. It just depends on how much you want it to work. Still, don't expect to go through a relationship without arguments, especially pointless ones.

I hope that helps.

Hey Jacko and everyone else; I just want to clarify on the point I made. I am not trying to give you a huge kick in the butt and tell you there is no chance the two of you would last. There is a chance that it will last, my point was that I am sure people would agree the stats of this type of situation are well against you. I guess to put my original point in a nicer way; I would just say not to let these things get to you! Take everything day by day and don't stress yourself too much over this. I think the more stress you bring to the table the more it will cause problems! When you get stressed your girl will pick up on it and get stressed and before you know it the fight will be on! I have been with my girl for over three years now and we have been fighting over stupid things since day one! But in the end we both know we are right for each other and when everything is over we will still be together!

So I guess what my main point is: If you guys were meant to last you will last! You will always find a way to work through your problems. If the two of you don't work together you will one day part ways! But in the end just take it day by day! Make sure you always leave a fight with a resolution! I know everyone throws the honesty word around and it is kind of losing its meaning but it means everything! When you guys fight BE HONEST!!! And when I say be honest tell her EXACTLY how you feel about EVERYTHING!!! Make her tell you ALL of her feelings, even if she doesn't want to!!! Force it out of her! I gurantee once both of your feelings are out on the table both of you will feel so much better and it will be so much easier! Fights will be resolved so much faster! Don't play games and don't fight over nothing! A nonsense fight usually has some kind of underlying problem so just get to the bottom of it!

Didn't mean to crush any of your hope! Hopefully I made sense in this rambling post here!

Thank you so much you two. I appreciate the help, and I am going to think more about what I say to her, and think "Is it worth arguing over?" Because the amount of times I haven't thought about what I was gonna say and then got in deep shit is staggering. I have a slight anger issue and I tend to prolong arguments - patience isn't my strong point, although I will have to work on that.

She has also asked for more time with her friends, and I think that's a good idea if we both do that, and have more individual time like you said, J Swigz. I am gonna have a long think about everything, and I could't have done it without all you guys, so thank you!!

=]