Why Is It That...?

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Why is it that........

A huge bug always splats on the driver's side exactly in your line of vision?

When the above happens, your wiper fluid is empty?

The wiper blade starts smearing some crud on your side - right where you need to see?

The only screw that you can't replace drops down into the engine compartment and disappears?

You get a flat tire the one day you cleaned the trunk out and didn't put the spare back in yet?

You slow down to let that idiot tailgater pass and he now goes slower that you were?

Why is there always a slow train crossing the road on the day you are late for work?

The one part you need really badly at the parts store is the only one who'se peg is empty on the rack?

When you are on your back under the car and you reach for that wrench, you
hit it with your hand and it slides two feet away further under the car?

You are under the car with grease up to your elbows and some big dog comes along
and shoves its nose hard into your crotch and growls !?

DoctorBill........(more later)

murphy was a optimist

Why is it when it's something you've never done before everyone else says " Oh, it's a 10 minute job!" And 3 hours later you get the dang thing done.

Why is it that when you go into a big store like WalMart, K-Mart, Costco, etc,
that when you go in few people are in the checkout lines, but when you are
done they are full and ten deep everywhere?

Why is it that when you pick a line to get into, all the others fill up too and your
checkout lady is a trainee and going slower than a dead zombee...?

Why is it that when you are in a hurry, the old fat woman with a butt a yard wide is
slowly ambling down the isle and you can't get past her?

Is anyone reading this old enough to remember "The Old Philosopher" (Eddie Lawrence)
who's ending line after a long list of crazy problems was, "..is that what's troubling you, Bunkie?!"

DoctorBill

Why is it that when you actually do get in a short line and it moves real quick, you find that your wallet is still in the car?

Well, Doc, I can give you an idea why the bugs always hit the part of the windshield, that you need to see out of. I think it's because when your sitting outside in your lawn chair, they always fly into your ears, eyes and mouth. :lol: so by the same token, they still take the same aim, as they see you racing down the road in your Metro.

:evillol:

Talking about bugs taking aim for your face....

That reminds me of those heady days of my youth when I drove a motorcycle.

I wear glasses. One time I was going down the road at 65 (back then 65 was
the limit) with no "visor" and I saw this thing fly in from my right and BAM!

Whatever it was it hit my right side glasses lens and whacked hard into it.

It totally covered the lens in yellow goop as if a whole egg yolk were spread out
over the lens. I'm lucky the lens didn't break.

I stopped and it was so thick and sticky that I couldn't get it off with a handkerchief....
had to spit on my lens and rub and then wait until I hit a filling station.

Once something like a rock hit me in the chest at 65 mph. Almost knocked the
wind out on me. Left a bruise! No splat on my shirt left either...(?)

I had some bug hit me in the mouth - I nearly swallowed it.

Never hit a bird, though.

I have problems here in Eastern Washington with Pheasants - THE dumbest
creatures ever evolved to live on this earth.

They wait by the side of the road. and wait and wait....until just before you
pass them - then they fly across the road in front of your car.

One hit my left headlight on a Honda Civic I had years ago. Destroyed the whole
plastic cowling around the light...but not the headlight!

Yesterday a Pheasant tried the same thing...but missed.

The second dumbest creature on the Earth is deer. A few weeks ago I saw
one running full out coming across a field from the left, ran in front of a school
bus just missing it, and continued on THRU a barbed wire fence and kept
going full out.

Several years ago, a buck with a huge rack of antlers ran from the left side of the
road full into my wife's Jeep and made a bad dent in the left front fender, bounced
backward, shook his head and continued running toward the right!
Didn't bother him in the least...

Then of course, the third dumbest creature on the Earth is the human.
Especially tailgaters and those who keep changing speed where you can't
pass them until you want to kill.
Sorry to say - a lot of old people do that...hope I don't get that way.
If I do - shoot me and feed me to the coyotes,

DoctorBill

Yea, unfortunately, critters don't know squat about machines and how bad they can get hurt by them. I clobbered a deer in my Nissan pickup truck a couple years back. Fortunately, the damage was light. I hope I never hit anything in my Metro though. A bird might total it out :smokin:

Why is it that the car you caught easily at 70 cannot be passed till you are doing at least 80?

Why is it that the guy ahead, who goes so slow on the curves where you can't
pass, floors it on all the straights when you can pass him?

And why does he look so surprised and angry when you give him the finger as you
pass him at 85 mph...?

DoctorBill

PS - if you want to quote Presidents....
"I did not have sex with that woman!" ---- William Jefferson Clinton

DoctorBill

PS - if you want to quote Presidents....
"I did not have sex with that woman!" ---- William Jefferson Clinton

Well dotorbill you seem to have a short memory you are the one who first posted the political signature which seemed out of place on this forum so yes this was aimed at you. I see you have removed it but if you want to get into a political shouting match I have plenty of ammo......Personally I'd like to keep politics out of it since this doesn't seem to be the place for it. But when politics are brought into play I usually respond, just my nature.

You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." --Pres. George W. Bush to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005 (Listen to audio (http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushism-uniquelyamerican.htm))

OhhhhBoy, a brief but somewhat charged exchange of political viewpoints.

I was going to add, here:

Why is it, that:

Just when you think you've hit the nail on the head, conversationally, and said exactly what you think needed saying, *she* turns and looks at you and says, "you know, it's rude to talk over people and interrupt, I hate it when you do that." Proving she hadn't heard a word you'd said, she was too busy coming up with new ammunition to fire back at your previous response, but you'd jogged her awareness just enough to derail an oncoming thought or two.

Politics is like that, too. I am in no way a 'centrist', so I've found that it's next to useless getting into an exchange with someone whose idea of advancing the discussion consists of finding targets for the Blame Game.
It's the absolute worst when you find there are different definitions for the same exact words, like you're speaking two distinct languages. (Like 'boot' means something you put on your foot into, here, but in England it's the trunk of a car, and -- indirectly derived from that -- in my neighborhood, it's an anatomical term, extended an extra syllable to give you more time to revel in the sheer delight of the subject matter.)

Anyway, the two word term, "mainstream media" is like that, people's mouths are making the same sounds when they say it, but the definitions are different, from the Port and Starboard political perspectives, so no actual exchange of information ever occurs.

Why is it that when the Presidential Elections come around, one seems to have
to pick the lesser of two evils?

Why is it that we hold the President of the United States responsible for everything
we don't like about our society?

Yes - $400chevymetro, you are right. I should keep the politics away from this Forum !

So I will eschew the political signatures - and keep to philosophical ones.

You can probably guess the only Presidential Candidate I ever actually voted for!

DoctorBill

Talking about bugs taking aim for your face....

That reminds me of those heady days of my youth when I drove a motorcycle
Once something like a rock hit me in the chest at 65 mph. Almost knocked the
wind out on me. Left a bruise! No splat on my shirt left either...(?)

DoctorBill

I remember reading about an incident in one of the MC magazines back in my HS days where a BMW test rider on a bike with two of their 4 cyl engines was either knocked off his bike and killed, or was penetrated and killed...by an insect at over 200mph...