Humerous quotes A - H

Things that, given another chance, the speaker might not have said, or at least might have said differently, and things that, well, lose something in the translation

-A-

-We're not afraid of challenges. It's like we always say: if you want to go out in the rain, be prepared to get burned.

Anonymous Brazilian Soccer Player


-How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby.

Anonymous Manufacturer


-Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier.

Anonymous Traffic Report


-We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather.

Arab News report

-C-

-Sure the body count in this movie bothers me, but what are you gonna do? It's what everybody likes. At least its not an awful body count--it's a fun body count.

Bonnie Bedelia, actress, regarding the movie Die Harder


-Our strength is that we don't have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we don't have any real strengths.

Frank Broyles, college football coach


-It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another.

George Bush, US President


-I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree with them.

George Bush, US President


-C-

-Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win.

Doug Collins, basketball commentator


-I wanted all my ducks in a row so if we did get into a posture we could pretty much slam-dunk this thing and put it to bed.

Lee Cooke, mayor of Austin, TX, abusing clichés


-D-

-Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand.

Duffy Daugherty, football coach and sports analyst


-Ordinary rape and murder just doesn't make it anymore. It's much better to have ultra-violence, chainsaw massacres, X-rated Draculas, and continents sinking into the sea with the entire population lost, at the very least.

Jon Davidson, advertising executive at New World Pictures, on what makes a good movie


-Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.

Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina


-E-

-We apologise for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr Dogbody is a detective in the police farce.

Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper


-F-

-If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.

Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


-G-

-The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games.

David Garcia, baseball team manager


-Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn't go see it.

Samuel Goldwyn


-I-

-You will find it a distinct help if you know and look as if you know what you are doing.

IRS Training Manual for tax auditors


-Please provide the date of your death.

from an IRS letter

lol lol lol :hehehe: :spit:

Some of those are really funny but why is the "IRS" in the "H" section? Will you do H-Z?

Originally posted by tazdev
Things that, given another chance, the speaker might not have said, or at least might have said differently, and things that, well, lose something in the translation


Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you.
-You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.


IRS Training Manual for tax auditors


-Please provide the date of your death.

from an IRS letter

Always so nice to see the State and Government looking out for US.

LOL:hehe: :hehe:

Originally posted by Lowriders4Life
Some of those are really funny but why is the "IRS" in the "H" section? Will you do H-Z?

No it's in I :D

Don't know what your talking about.

I was going to do more but can't be bothered:rolleyes:

so here is where I got them from (http://www.thegreycouncil.demon.co.uk/quotes.html)

a-h but you don't have a h section and it goes through i maybe somebody needs to learn the alfabet again or for the first time

read the top of the first post :D

I changed that but the thread title remains the same:(

Originally posted by tazdev
read the top of the first post :D

I changed that but the thread title remains the same:(

alright i will let it slide this time