Wednesday humour...
Anthony
10-03-2001, 06:45 AM
A kindergartner was sitting at his desk making funny faces at anyone that would watch.
The teacher came by and saw what he was doing and said calmly, "Billy you had better stop doing that, your face might stick that way."
Billy stared back just as calmly and said in reply, "I guess you learned the hard way."
The teacher came by and saw what he was doing and said calmly, "Billy you had better stop doing that, your face might stick that way."
Billy stared back just as calmly and said in reply, "I guess you learned the hard way."
Anthony
10-03-2001, 06:47 AM
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect.
At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.
As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together.
At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!"
He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the
bucket of snails.
There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!!"
At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.
As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together.
At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!"
He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the
bucket of snails.
There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!!"
primera man
10-03-2001, 07:49 AM
That snail one is a laugh :D :D :D
DVSNCYNIKL
10-03-2001, 08:15 AM
I actually like the first one better.:D
YogsVR4
10-03-2001, 11:29 AM
I'll have to forward on the snail one. I like it.:)
nubiannupe
10-03-2001, 01:02 PM
Both of them are pretty funny!!! :flash:
DVSNCYNIKL
10-03-2001, 01:39 PM
A certain young man finally won a date with a dumb blonde that lived in his apartment complex.
To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool of the trade". But the young man was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.
The dumb blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his Johnson immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"
To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool of the trade". But the young man was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.
The dumb blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his Johnson immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"
nubiannupe
10-03-2001, 01:52 PM
A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and
tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air
and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a
lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window.
The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, I just wanted
to ask you something."
The taxi driver says "It's not your fault sir. This is my first day as a
cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years.":eek:
tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air
and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a
lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window.
The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, I just wanted
to ask you something."
The taxi driver says "It's not your fault sir. This is my first day as a
cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years.":eek:
Porsche
10-03-2001, 08:18 PM
LOL.
primera man
10-03-2001, 09:16 PM
LMAO...VERY GOOD DOC AND NUBIANNUPE :D :D :D
olds88
10-03-2001, 09:40 PM
three good freinds die in a car accedent and they go to heven. As they start to look around the notice hevan is huge and they wanted some transportation. so they decided to go see the all great god and ask for a way to get around hevan quickly. so they pleed to god "god please grant us a mode of transportation". god ponders the question a bit and says... "i will grant you transportation based on how many times you have cheeted on your wife". so god asked the 1st man, "how many times have you cheeted on your wife?" the 1st man "replys well god i cheeted on her about 25 times" god was astonished "well thats not the worst i have ever heard i will atleast give you some thing with a motor" so god granted him a spree. god calls the 2nd man to the stand and repeats the question "well god" the 2nd man replys "i have cheeted on my wife about 15 times" god replyed "well thats not too bad i will grant you a compact automobile"so god gave the man a geo prizm. the 3rd man is also agian asked the same question "never have i cheeted on my wife" said the third man. god got a big grin on his face"ok my son you can choose any thing you want" said god. he was thriled so he asked for a limousine & shofer. so after meating god and geting there wheels they depart th explore hevan. aftert a few houres of looking around the 2nd man in the geo and finds the 3rd guy in the limo to be upset. so he pulled up nexed to him and rolled his window down and asked "why are you so bummed man you have the nicest ride in the hevans?". the 3rd man replys "i just seen my wife going by on a skate board".
Porsche
10-03-2001, 09:43 PM
LOL! That was good. Poor Guy.
olds88
10-03-2001, 09:47 PM
i have always loved that one:D :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
DVSNCYNIKL
10-04-2001, 09:29 AM
NEW YORK ... Year 2032.
A man is walking down the streets of Manhattan with his kid. All of a
sudden they stop in front of a park, and the man comments to his son...
"Just think, not too long ago the Twin Towers used to be here..."
So the son asks him with an intrigued look in his face...
"Dad, what were the Twin Towers?"
"They were two very tall buildings with lots of offices, but 31 years ago a
bunch of terrorists from the middle east crashed a plane into each one and
they collapsed"
"Dad, what was the middle east?"
I thought this was too funny!
A man is walking down the streets of Manhattan with his kid. All of a
sudden they stop in front of a park, and the man comments to his son...
"Just think, not too long ago the Twin Towers used to be here..."
So the son asks him with an intrigued look in his face...
"Dad, what were the Twin Towers?"
"They were two very tall buildings with lots of offices, but 31 years ago a
bunch of terrorists from the middle east crashed a plane into each one and
they collapsed"
"Dad, what was the middle east?"
I thought this was too funny!
primera man
10-04-2001, 09:34 AM
:D :D :D LOL
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