Happy Holidays

"The Christmas Eve Party"

'Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the pad
The music was blaring
And good times were had

The first keg was empty,
But we had plenty more
The lightweights were already
Passed out on the floor

Then out in the yard
We heard such a crash
I hid the bongs
My friend hid the stash

We try to have fun
And wouldn't you know?
That cranky old neighbour
Had called the 5-0

I went to the door
To receive my fate
Completely regretting
The brownies I’d ate

When what to my wondering
Red eyes should appear?
It was fat old St. Nick
Chugging a beer

He came in the door
And cut a loud fart
Saying “That poof of gas
Was straight from the heart!”

Then he continued
Through a thick smoker's cough
"Where is your can?
I must snap one off!"

He stumbled along
To the bathroom he went
With his coat full of beer
And sac made of hemp

The old man was wasted
Just bouncing off walls
Picking out wedgies
And scratching his balls

After his dump
He grinned ear to ear
And said "Your $hitter
will stink till next year!"

And then I thought
"Why not take a chance?
It sure would be funny
To pull down his pants!”

I snuck up behind him,
They came down in a pinch,
But sadly for us,
Santa doesn't wear ginch.

He turned around and
Said "Ho ho ho"
As his wrinkled old member
Swayed to and fro

It was pretty disgusting,
But we stared just the same
At this ancient white rod
That put ours to shame

His pants at his ankles,
He seemed quite at ease
As his big droopy nutbag
Flapped in the breeze

He pulled up his pants
Furry trim white as snow
Then we all caught a wiff
Of his nasty B.O.

He walked to the fridge,
For himself fixed a drink
Then he whipped out his wang
And pi$$ed in my sink

At first I paused,
Then said with a grin
"Holy chit Santa
You'll fit right in!"

We looked out the window
And saw no sled or deer
So then we asked Santa
"Hey, how'd you get here?"

"Not by eight deer,
Not by a sleigh,
I got sick and tired
Of people calling me gay."

"I used to fly
At night over tree-tops
Now I prefer
My Camaro with T-tops"

He took a big gulp
From his cold Gin and Tonic
Then said, "Hey, pack the bowl
With some Christmas time chronic!"

He passed 'round his pipe
And we all took a hit
That North Pole weed
Is pretty good $hit!

But by this point,
St. Nick's speech was quite slurred.
We were all hard-pressed
To decipher a word

He wobbled around
And puked on my wall
Then fell to the ground
Empty beers broke his fall

We tried to wake him
But the booze had his number
So we let him enjoy
His nice drunken slumber

I grabbed some big markers,
One blue and one red,
Then wrote "I love peni$"
Across his forehead

After the markers
Were put back in their place
My friend dropped his pants
And pooped on his face

We stripped him down naked
And dragged him outside
Then whipped out our wangs
And whizzed on his hide

Little pee-cubes
Started to form on his gut
And good old Jack Frost
Pecked at his nuts

Then we went in
To drink some more beer
But I know I will always
Remember that year

When no one got toys
Neither good kid nor bad
'Cause Santa got wasted
And passed out at my pad

That is some funny ass shit! :lol2:

:spit: :hehehe: :hehehe: :hehehe: :hehehe: :hehehe: :spit: