Marriage!
ragt20
11-07-2002, 06:15 PM
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want,
if I want, and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at ten o'clock every night......whether you're here or not."
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife * Cold As Ever.'"
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
A husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this late.....doing what?" he said.
"Getting a second opinion!"
:O
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife
is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back,"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!'"
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for a flight to Europe.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me tomorrow morning at 5:00 am".
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ....it said, "It's 5:00am, wake up."
:D
if I want, and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at ten o'clock every night......whether you're here or not."
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife * Cold As Ever.'"
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
A husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this late.....doing what?" he said.
"Getting a second opinion!"
:O
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife
is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back,"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!'"
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for a flight to Europe.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me tomorrow morning at 5:00 am".
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ....it said, "It's 5:00am, wake up."
:D
JD@af
11-07-2002, 07:05 PM
:sun: NICE!! I've heard a couple of them before, but the rest are new - and fuunnnnyyyy!!! :silly2: :D
YogsVR4
11-07-2002, 11:26 PM
Very amusing :D
primera man
11-08-2002, 03:09 AM
You forgot the one where you forget what day you got married and became your wifes enemy for a week :( :( :(
tazdev
11-08-2002, 04:35 AM
Poor Pman. It's good to see that you are still alive and able to type:rolleyes:
DVSNCYNIKL
11-08-2002, 08:07 AM
Originally posted by primera man
You forgot the one where you forget what day you got married and became your wifes enemy for a week :( :( :(
I guess the plans didn't work. Oh well. Time heals all wounds. Your's will just be opened every now and then when you get out of line.:D
You forgot the one where you forget what day you got married and became your wifes enemy for a week :( :( :(
I guess the plans didn't work. Oh well. Time heals all wounds. Your's will just be opened every now and then when you get out of line.:D
primera man
11-08-2002, 12:35 PM
Originally posted by DVSNCYNIKL
I guess the plans didn't work. Oh well. Time heals all wounds. Your's will just be opened every now and then when you get out of line.:D
Yeah...like every god darn minute of the day :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
:D
I guess the plans didn't work. Oh well. Time heals all wounds. Your's will just be opened every now and then when you get out of line.:D
Yeah...like every god darn minute of the day :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
:D
DVSNCYNIKL
11-08-2002, 12:52 PM
Originally posted by primera man
Yeah...like every god darn minute of the day :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
:D
Look on the bright side, if you need to cuddle up to something warm, there's always the puppy.:D :D
Yeah...like every god darn minute of the day :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
:D
Look on the bright side, if you need to cuddle up to something warm, there's always the puppy.:D :D
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