It's been a long time since one of these...

A Muscletang joke thread.


What is the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.

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Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Annabel, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Annabel and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"

She asks "What?" and he replies "SEX!!!"

Annabel exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

"I know", Howard says, "but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while".

"Well, I can oblige", says Annabel, who gently unzips his trousers and removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Annabel would hold Howard's manhood.

Then, one night, Howard didn't show up at their usual meeting place.

Alarmed, Annabel decided to find Howard and make sure that he was O.K.

She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident who was holding Howard's manhood!

Furious, Annabel yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does she have that I don't have?"

Howard smiled and replied, "Parkinson's"

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A national survey recently conducted a poll of males to see what exactly each enjoyed from a blowjob.
7% said they most enjoyed the sensations.

5% confessed their chief enjoyment came from the sense of domination.

88% said they really enjoyed the peace and quiet.

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Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker.
After a sip of his martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at least like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."

After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied, "Well, on my last anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, she would at least like the trip, and she would know that I love her."

The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a tee-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the tee-shirt, she could go fuck herself."

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There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.
He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them.

When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, "That's the spirit, Dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!"

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A woman who ran a bar always had a group of bikers come in. They were a big gang and she saw them as rather cool. She then decided one day she wanted to join them.

When the bikers came in she told them she'd like to join. The leader then said, "well we have some questions to ask you."

"First, do you even own a motorcycle?" The woman replied that she did.

"Ok, well do you have any tattoos?" The woman replied that she had several and that wasn't a problem.

"That's good, but have you been picken up by the fuzz?" The woman replied, "No, but I've been swung around by the tits."

haha liked all except i think the last one went over my head a little keep em comming miss the threads.

it's a play on words, the biker meant fuzz as in cops, she thought he meant fuzz as in her bush.

it's a play on words, the biker meant fuzz as in cops, she thought he meant fuzz as in her bush.


ahh i got the cops part didnt catch the last part...

I got a chuckle.

:lol: Keep C.O.T. goin' bro!!:sunglasse