Some jokes......
Ssom
10-25-2002, 03:25 AM
Subject: jobs
My first job was working in an orange juice factory,
but I got canned... couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just
couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't
suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that
was too exhausting.
Then I tried to be a chef, I figured it would add a
little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the
thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced
it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I
found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't
have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory I tried, but I just
didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that
I couldn't live on my net income.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool
maintenance company, but the work was just too
draining.
So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said
I wasn't fit for the job.
After many years of trying to find steady work I
finally got a job as a historian, but there was no
future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to
quit, because it was always the same old grind.
SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~Tommy goes into a confessional box and
says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned;
I have been with a loose woman."
The Priest says, "Is that you, Tommy?"
"Yes, Father, it's me."
"Who was the woman you were with?"
"I cannot tell you, Father, because I don't
want to ruin her reputation."
The priest asks, "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Mary MacDonald?"
"No."
"Was it Ann Crotty?"
"No."
"Was it Mary Elizabeth O'Shea?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Amy Mc Mahon?"
"No, Father."
"Was it little Cathy Morgan?"
"No, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest finally says, "Tommy, I admire
your perseverance, but you must atone for
your sins. Your penance will be four Our
Fathers and five Hail Marys. Go back to
your seat."
Tommy walks back to his pew next to his
buddy, Sean.
Sean, slides over and whispers, "What
happened?!"
Tommy smiles, "Well, I got four Our Fathers,
five Hail Marys and six good leads."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TOP STORIES FOR THE YEAR 2035
Fidel Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be
imported legally but President Clinton has banned all smoking --damn
you, Chelsea!
Spotted Owl plague threatens Western American crops and livestock.
Hunt continues for Osama bin Laden; believed sighted at Yassar
Arafat's tomb in Detroit.
35-year study proclaims diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Texas executes last remaining citizen.
Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.
Colorado motorist arrested for not driving SUV.
Congressman Gary Condit still missing.
Senator Strom Thurmond remains dead; but continues to cast votes.
White House demands Saddam Hussein's resignation for 748th time.
No response.
Oprah Winfrey, nearing retirement, buys Illinois.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I dreamed I drank the worlds largest margarita and when I woke
up there was salt on the toilet seat........
Thank God I decided not to eat the worm!!!
My first job was working in an orange juice factory,
but I got canned... couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just
couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't
suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that
was too exhausting.
Then I tried to be a chef, I figured it would add a
little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the
thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced
it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I
found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't
have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory I tried, but I just
didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that
I couldn't live on my net income.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool
maintenance company, but the work was just too
draining.
So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said
I wasn't fit for the job.
After many years of trying to find steady work I
finally got a job as a historian, but there was no
future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to
quit, because it was always the same old grind.
SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~Tommy goes into a confessional box and
says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned;
I have been with a loose woman."
The Priest says, "Is that you, Tommy?"
"Yes, Father, it's me."
"Who was the woman you were with?"
"I cannot tell you, Father, because I don't
want to ruin her reputation."
The priest asks, "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Mary MacDonald?"
"No."
"Was it Ann Crotty?"
"No."
"Was it Mary Elizabeth O'Shea?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Amy Mc Mahon?"
"No, Father."
"Was it little Cathy Morgan?"
"No, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest finally says, "Tommy, I admire
your perseverance, but you must atone for
your sins. Your penance will be four Our
Fathers and five Hail Marys. Go back to
your seat."
Tommy walks back to his pew next to his
buddy, Sean.
Sean, slides over and whispers, "What
happened?!"
Tommy smiles, "Well, I got four Our Fathers,
five Hail Marys and six good leads."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TOP STORIES FOR THE YEAR 2035
Fidel Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be
imported legally but President Clinton has banned all smoking --damn
you, Chelsea!
Spotted Owl plague threatens Western American crops and livestock.
Hunt continues for Osama bin Laden; believed sighted at Yassar
Arafat's tomb in Detroit.
35-year study proclaims diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Texas executes last remaining citizen.
Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.
Colorado motorist arrested for not driving SUV.
Congressman Gary Condit still missing.
Senator Strom Thurmond remains dead; but continues to cast votes.
White House demands Saddam Hussein's resignation for 748th time.
No response.
Oprah Winfrey, nearing retirement, buys Illinois.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I dreamed I drank the worlds largest margarita and when I woke
up there was salt on the toilet seat........
Thank God I decided not to eat the worm!!!
ci5ic
10-25-2002, 06:24 PM
Originally posted by Moss1O6GTi
Subject: jobs
My first job was working in an orange juice factory,
but I got canned... couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just
couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't
suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that
was too exhausting.
Then I tried to be a chef, I figured it would add a
little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the
thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced
it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I
found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't
have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory I tried, but I just
didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that
I couldn't live on my net income.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool
maintenance company, but the work was just too
draining.
So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said
I wasn't fit for the job.
After many years of trying to find steady work I
finally got a job as a historian, but there was no
future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to
quit, because it was always the same old grind.
SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
That's pretty punny... I mean funny. :D
Subject: jobs
My first job was working in an orange juice factory,
but I got canned... couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just
couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't
suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that
was too exhausting.
Then I tried to be a chef, I figured it would add a
little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the
thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced
it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I
found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't
have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory I tried, but I just
didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that
I couldn't live on my net income.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool
maintenance company, but the work was just too
draining.
So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said
I wasn't fit for the job.
After many years of trying to find steady work I
finally got a job as a historian, but there was no
future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to
quit, because it was always the same old grind.
SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
That's pretty punny... I mean funny. :D
JD@af
10-25-2002, 08:24 PM
speediva
10-25-2002, 11:27 PM
I don't know what's funnier... The fact that Moss posted something of worth, or the jokes themselves ;)
Luv ya moss :D
Luv ya moss :D
Ssom
10-25-2002, 11:55 PM
Originally posted by saturntangerine
I don't know what's funnier... The fact that Moss posted something of worth, or the jokes themselves ;)
Luv ya moss :D
I once luved you .......:( Till you turned mean :( :finger:
j/p:)
I don't know what's funnier... The fact that Moss posted something of worth, or the jokes themselves ;)
Luv ya moss :D
I once luved you .......:( Till you turned mean :( :finger:
j/p:)
taranaki
10-26-2002, 12:40 AM
good stuff,Moss, more please! (won't hurt your reputation if you bring the goods in more often;) )
talk2anna
10-26-2002, 05:14 AM
Well Jared......They're better than your real-life jokes :finger:
PS- I think these smileys are down-right hilarious :D
PS- I think these smileys are down-right hilarious :D
YogsVR4
10-27-2002, 07:54 PM
:D Bravo :D
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