Crazy @$$ storys

Post any funny or crazy storys here

This evening I made the mistake of eating a nice dinner, then going out for a long bike ride. As soon as I had gotten a few miles from home, I felt some turds lining up at the top of my poop-chute, and I could tell that they wanted to take the plunge. Now, at this point, my feelings were contradictory: on the one hand, if I shit my pants, I'd have a great story to tell on alt.tasteless; on the other hand, if I shit my pants, well...
I'd have shit my pants.

It was in this state of cognitive dissonance that I happened to come upon a public park. I entered and made my way to the main building, and lo and behold, the shitter was still open. There was even a place to lock my bike right outside. It was perfect...almost TOO perfect. I was relieved, but a little bit disappointed too.

It was quite a pleasant bowel movement. The shit was at a point on its
phase diagram such that it could exist in both solid and liquid forms. As
I sat there, radiating the heat of my exertions, the feces oozed out of me, sounding and feeling as if it were lubricated with shaving cream (not the menthol kind, the regular kind). I relaxed and reflected for a few minutes, then began to wipe.

"Hold on there, Sean," I thought to myself. "Best to wait a bit. You know
shit like this always comes in waves."

"Aw, fuck off," I answered myself. "It's getting dark, and I have a long
way to go. Anyways, I'm sure my anus will behave itself." (Note the
foreshadowing.)

So I got back on my bike and left. Sure enough, five minutes later, I felt
another phalanx of feces forming, preparing for a rush at my butthole. It just so happened that at that point, I was on a long stretch of sidewalk that was screened from the road by trees and had only a field on the other side. I stopped my bike and got off. I came this > < close to dropping trou then and there and pinching a loaf on the pavement. I stopped, though, when I realized that a) I was pretty sure it was gonna be really slimy, and b) I had nothing to wipe with but green leaves--and, it now being dusk, I wouldn't have a chance of telling the bad plants from the benign. I got back on my bike and continued on.

As I got back into the downtown area, the feeling of fullness in my rectum got worse. I put my sphincter in a full Nelson, squeezed for all I was worth, gritted my teeth, and pedalled on.

The last few blocks before my house were awful. You know how, when you're trying to reach a toilet on foot, the faster you go, the harder it is to keep control of your Little Pink Asterisk(tm)? Well, I was having the same problem, even though I was on my bike. It was most maddening. And, I realized later, my butt had been mashed up against the seat for so long, the muscles in charge of clenching probably weren't in the best condition.

Finally, I reached my house. No time to lock the bike, I just dumped it in
the front yard and raced up the steps...TOO LATE! My abused asshole
finally collapsed; I groaned as I felt my pants fill up with Choc-O-Lava(tm again). Fuck, I hadn't shit my pants in almost a decade. As I trudged up the steps to my apartment, I had an ironic smile on my face. My underwear was so full, I was afraid I'd drip on the rug, but that, at least, didn't happen.

I went into the bathroom, took off everything, and sat on the toilet to
finish what I had begun outside. Even before I sat down, I saw that I
already had some MONSTER dingleberries, on account of my rather hirsute hole. I inspected my undies, which held a layer of turd-paste a half-inch thick. I was struck by how much the paste resembled refried beans. In fact, if so meone had shown me a dish of shit like that, and asked "Sean, is this shit, or is this refried beans?" I'm sure I would have said "Gotta be refried beans, man." It even smelled a bit like refried beans. Really RANCID refried beans, but still.

Finally, when I was sure that my bowels were *completely* evacuated, I began the long wiping process. It was a rather unsettling feeling, wiping shit off of my nuts. And, on the third or fourth wipe, my hand came away with a shit-nugget stuck to one knuckle. At that point, I decided that perhaps a shower was in order. I stood up and stepped over to the shower stall; immediately, I felt liquishit running down my legs. I laughed. As I waited for the water to warm up, another shit-nugget fell off of my ass and hit the floor with a wet >thwack<. I laughed again.

Well, the rest of the story is pretty boring. I stuffed my shit-laden
undies in a plastic bag, then tossed it in the trash, where it sits on top,
in plain view...I don't give a fuck. Unfortunately, I had soiled my last
clean pair of underpants, so I had to go digging around in the dirty
clothes for a spare pair.

Y'know, most folks would be pretty embarassed about shitting their pants, but not me. No, I figure if I can amuse a few thousand people with the tale of my misfortune, it makes the whole thing worthwhile. KnowhutImean?

Originally posted by kbslacker

*bigass incredibly disturbing post which will ultimately make me have nightmares and need psychlogical help and never want to get near a toilet again. But it was DAMN FUNNY*



ROFLMFAO...
ok, liquishit, turdpaste and little pink astrik(tm). I don't think I've laughed that hard in a month.
And I hope to God almighty that story wasn't true but I really don't want to ask because I think it would be better that way cuz then there'd be wierdness between us. ;)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!!!!!

Thats good shit man! :hehehe:

ahh... i know of this feeling of anguish...

when riding my Yamaha... it vibrates slightly through the seat, where my ass and nuts sit. So it makes me want to go shit and pee after long trips...

well, after about 5 hours of my balls and bunghole vibrating at 6000 VPM (vibrations per minute)... they had enough... and decided they wanted to go now. I was still 18 miles from home after a 350+ mile trip.

So i just ditched my family who was following me on their bikes. I kicked the pace up to about 110mph down the freeway. The closer I got the faster i went. Before i knew it i was cutting through traffic at 120+mph... i didnt really care, i figured if i was hit and crashed i'd have good enough reason to shit my pants.

Luckily for me, the freeway i was on exits about a half mile from my home. So for that half mile, i was doing triple digits just trying to beat the flow of shit n piss that was about to errupt. I pulled up to the driveway hopped off the bike, kicked open the gate ran the bike inside the gate (force of habbit to bring the bike in... shoulda just left it!) and proceeded to run into the house... NO TIME to take off the riding gear... i had to kick my dogs out of my way cause they were freaking out from not seeing me for 3 days... i finally made it to the bathroom just in time to almost strip the porcelain off the bowl as it all came out. So there i am shittin my brains out with my in riding jacket and my helmet still strapped on... I let out a long breath of relief... which fogged up my helmet. Had to crack open the visor.


I just made it... 5 seconds longer... and i'd been one unhappy person.



So who's next to tell about a gross story?

No comment. :rolleyes:

once at work I got in troubble because I couldnt stop shitting, I was in there for an hour and a half, had to flush 5 times....yah, they didnt like me that day :bloated:

Since we're on the subject of takin' a crap, I'll post a hilarious story I read on the 'net awhile back...

It was 5:30 in the morning when that little nazi piece of shit that everyone else refers to as a clock, brought me out of a drunken sleep. I don't know if it was so much a sleep, as being passed out. I would have given my left nut for the luxury of hitting the snooze button just once, but I have always said "You stay out with the boys. You get up with the men." I took a quick glance around the room to make sure I hadn't picked up some ugly fuck hole the night before. God knows, that with a few crown royals in a man, his judgment becomes somewhat impaired when it comes to the opposite sex. I was alone and all I wanted to do was go back to bed. I drug my ass into the shower and tried to piece together the events of the evening before.

Lets see. Got off work. OK that's clear. Went to a bar. OK that's still clear. Had a few shots of Crown. OK starting to get fuzzy. At some point in the evening I somehow decided I was a rock star, and I began partying like Jim Fucking Morrison.

The rest of the evening is just a blur, punctuated with flashes of me slamming down shots like they were never gonna make any more, and I wanted to make sure I got the last drop before the world ran out of alcohol.I get out of the shower and go to the front window looking for my truck, not knowing how I got home. Ahhhhh, there she was, and with no dents, dings or scrapes. One quick glance around the living room told a thousand tales. There is taco fucking bell bags everywhere. Half eaten burritos, tacos, those little fucking tatter tot things, and god knows what else. All of a sudden a harsh reality sets in, "at some point in this day my guts are going to produce the biggest taco-crown bomb ever seen by the likes of mankind," and I think to myself that ill just deal with it when the time comes.

Go back in the bathroom to brush my teeth. As soon as the taste of the paste hit my mouth, I started screaming in color at my reflection in the mirror. Fuck, this is gonna be a long day. I inspect the contents of my stomach, which are now in the sink, and I am pleasantly surprised not to find blood. What did concern me however, was the lack of solid foods. Indicating that the 6 pack of tacos, the assorted fucking burritos, gordidas and maybe even that little fucking dog, had made it past my stomach and into my intestine track. Guaranteeing that I would be producing a turd of epic proportion. Had I know just what this day held in store for me, I never would have left my house.

On my way into work I realize that I have about an hour before the new bookkeeper is going to be there so I don't need to rush in, and I decide that a cup of coffee might be a good idea. Next door to my work is a little shithole 24 hour joint that is owned by some slant eyed Korean bastard with bad teeth and even worse engirish, and I do mean "engirish." I get a table and order coffee. The table looked like someone had stolen the contents of my sink and painted the top of it with the stomach cocktail I had so lovingly concocted not more than an hour before. Needless to say, I decided to move before I added a whole new bile theme to this masterpiece of purge. My coffee came and I decided I might have a bite to eat. Knowing full well that I would most likely get food poisoning from eating anything that this shit hole of a restaurant. But IM still too drunk to give a shit. I don't know, maybe I figured there was enough crown in my blood to kill off any food born bacteria. And in retrospect, I really think there was. I decided on an omelet that is listed on the menu as, and I quote, "The Garbage Disposal".

This fucker had everything in it. 6 eggs, peppers, potatoes, mushrooms, chopped up chilies, sausage, leftover biscuits, salsa, ham, cheese, probably some cat meat and everything else under the sun. And to top it off, a nice thick brown gravy. AHHHHHHH!! I was in drunk munchie paradise. "Wourd loo rike a grass of mirk" the server asked me. Why the hell not. im not gonna wash all this down with coffee. I fucking ate it all. Right down to the last piece of toast crust, drank my milk, finished my coffee, paid my bill, and I was off to work.

Not long after I opened up, the new bookkeeper arrived. IM not the one who hired her so I had never seen her. She was semi-attractive, about my age. I must have reeked of booze because she wouldn't get closer than 7 feet to me. La de da, this and that and I get her settled in. I walk out of her office and start down the hall and all of a sudden all the bells and whistles in my head start going off like an air raid warning. THE POO IS COMING!!!!!! THE POO IS COMING!!!!!! Not seconds after that my insides cramped up as though I had been impaled with a hot fireplace poker, and I was lucky enough to realize, that I was about to shit my pants. I managed to slam my ass cheeks together just before the flow of butt lava freed itself from its confines.

This produced a new problem. I could not move. There I stood in the hall with my ass doing its best impersonation of an oyster. I felt like someone was kicking me repeatedly in the guts, and the pain was blurring my vision.Panic started to set in after about 4 minutes of standing in one place. What if someone comes down the hall and I have to move. NOT AN OPTION!!!!

Another couple of minutes pass and I can move from the knees down only. At this point I would have given the world for an ass plug or a pair of depends, and I really wouldn't have cared which. It took me about 5 minutes, and about a quart of sweat and tears to go the 35 feet to the bathroom. All the while it felt like I had a living creature inside of me that had a body temperature of about 75000 degrees, had the claws of a brown bear, was madder than hell, and wanted out of my ass NOW!!!! Much to my surprise, I made it to the bathroom without blowing mud in my pants. The bookkeeper never came out of her office, and nobody ever came down the hall. No sooner had I closed the door, than I realized I had yet another problem. There was no way in hell I would be able to drop my pants and keep this demon from hell in my ass long enough to drop myself onto the shitter. So there I stood. I waited until the mind numbing waves of pain subsided a little and undid my pants, I figured if i pulled my pants down and sat in one quick motion i might live through this. OK on three I thought to myself. One, Two, THREE!!!!!!!! I pulled my pants down with one fast and furious motion not even realizing just how much pressure was built up in my ass, and that by bending over so quickly, I had just increased the pressure four fold.

There was an ASSPLOSION.

The propulsion of the jet stream of shit actually pushed me forward and I almost fell over. Now when I say assplosion, you have to understand, that I literally had a mushroom cloud of crap BLOW out of my overworked sphincter. Granted, the relief to my guts was heavenly, but I was horrified at what I saw when I turned around. There was fucking shit every where. My shit bomb worked as though it was designed to military specifications. There was butt gravy six feet up the wall. The toilet looked as though it had been painted liberally with a nice coat of shit.There was shit on the toilet paper. There was shit on the mirror. There was shit in the sink. Shit on the door. Shit on the floor. My whole backside was covered with a greasy coat of shit. The back of my white shirt looked like a thousand monkeys had used it to wipe eachoththers asses. The smell was overwhelming. The bathroom was only about five foot by four and a half feet wide, so it soon became hard to breath, and i began to gag and choke. So there i was, with the worst hangover of my life, I have the dry heaves (somehow, my breakfast had joined forces with the taco bell for this ass party of the millennium, and was no longer in my stomach), I was covered in shit. Hell everything was covered with shit and there was nothing I could do.I couldn't just walk out of the bathroom and leave it like that for someone to find, not to mention, there was no fucking way I was gonna walk out of there with butt juice all over me. I was a hostage!!!!!!! MY SHIT HAD LITERALLY TAKEN ME HOSTAGE!!!!!!!

I had to formulate a plan of attack to free myself from this virtual shit hole. The toilet paper was going to be of no use to me, as it was now soggy with poo juice, by the grace of god, the roll of paper towels remained unsoiled and much to my luck it was a full roll. I began the distastful task of cleaning up. I have never experienced anything quite like this and I hope I never do again, it was axle grease, my ass had just manufactured axle grease!!!!!!! It wouldnt wipe up, only spread. After a good twenty minutes of wiping, washing, gagging and choking, I ran out of paper towles, which was OK because I had pretty well cleaned up everything. Now, how in the hell am I gonna get out of here undetected?????

I had another shirt from the dry cleaners in my truck but how was I going to get there??? Then I remembered a jacket that I had seen at someone's desk!!!!!! I had to act fast, more people would be showing up soon.I stuffed my shirt in the garbage and peeked out the door. The coast was clear so I ran like the wind for that fucking jacket. When I put the jacket on I realized that it must have belonged to a kid and not someone in the office because the sleeves only came to my elbows. To fucking late to change plans now buddy, your committed. As soon as I get the thing zipped , the new, semi-attaractive, about my age, bookkeeper came around the corner looking for me with a question. I must have been quite a sight. The first time she saw me I was in a suit and tie, reeking of booze. Now here I am wearing a kids jacket with no shirt, reeking of booze, and the added scent of eau de ass sauce. The only thing going though my mind was FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! She was polite enough to pretend like this was something she sees every day and paid no notice. I answered her question and acted like this is a completely natural thing for a grown man to be doing at this time in the morning.

As soon as she was gone I ran like hell to my truck and grabbed my fresh shirt, threw it on, and went back inside. I poked my head in her office and told her that I had an emergency call and had to leave for a little while. All I wanted at this point was a shower. I drove home, cleaned up, changed my clothes and returned to the scene of the crime. By now there are other people in the office going about their business. I went in the bathroom to give it one more thorough cleaning with Lysol.Once all the evidence of my battle with the ass monster was gone i felt like i was reborn, I WAS A NEW MAN!!!!!!!! I had fought the battle of the poo and come out the victor.

I will never forget that day. The bookkeeper worked there for a year or so and never mentioned her first day to me. Never will I forget the look on her face when she found a mad man in front of her stinking of all that is evil, wearing a child's jacket that only covered half my torso. Nor will I forget her question. "Where's the bathroom"?

So let this be a lesson to all of you. If you ever stay up until the wee hours of the morning drinking like a fish and eating like a pig, wake up drunker than 10 Indians and eat more shit fuel, and feel the sensation of a nuclear bomb going off inside your bowels. For gods sake, JUST SHIT YOUR PANTS!!!!!!! Then just go home. Believe me, you do not want to go through all the pain of the alternative.

hahahahha, i've read that before... i love that story...


"There was butt gravy six feet up the wall" hahahah thats my favorite part.

he didnt write it? awwwwww

Holy shit, this crap is funny as monkeys flingin poo at a retarded bus!

And its well written too *same with Kb's*

:hehehe:

Originally posted by TerminalVelocity
once at work I got in troubble because I couldnt stop shitting, I was in there for an hour and a half, had to flush 5 times....yah, they didnt like me that day :bloated:

I laughed harder at that, than either of the stories

:spit:

hahaha, my shit is the most croud pleasing! :hehehe:

Grown men comparing shit stories. Uhg! Here's a real story for you.



Many months ago, it was my first real date with my first real girl. We both enjoyed a scary movie from our previous conversations, and so we decided to go and see the Blair Witch Project at the cheap theatre. The beginning of a wonderfull evening.

Before we continue, i would like to inform you that we were seeing it at the cheap theatre because that was the only cinema still playing the movie, as it was now summer time and Blair Witch came out in the fall.

In any event, so there we are sitting in the 2nd-from-the-back row with a huge plate of nachos and a giant sprite between the two of us, and the movie begins. I'm thining i should eat the food fast so she can cling onto me at the scary parts. So i begin shovelling these nachos into my mouth like thee was no tomorrow. 10 minutes past, and they were gone. By now, the movie had started to rock and roll. i mean that literally. Bouncing camera shots, and it was beginning to get scary, and then the kids were running and all of a sudden something really hot and wet nailed the back of my head and began to run oever my shoulders.

I looked down and smelled the wonderfull substance before i actually saw it. Turning around, i see this extremely fat 14 year old girl with her enormously fat Mom sitting behind me, and good ol' Mom and gotten motion sick from the cameras and launched a trail of vomit all over the back of my head.

"sorry" was all she said and rinsed her mouth out with a bottle of coke, and proceeded to spit the residue on the floor, half of which hit me again. Well, needless to say my girl was mortified. I decided to play it cool and excused myself with a smile to go clean up.

The second i left that theatre i put the entire US Navy to shame. A 15 year old nerd in a theatre uniform told me to stop or i'd be escorted out. I'm not going to tell you what i did to him just yet.

So i arrive in the bathroom to find my shirt drenched in this fat woman's entestinal juices, and i swear that woman ate a tonne of green beans befoe watching the movie. I dropped the shirt in the garbage, washed my face and hair in the sink, and combed my hair as best i could.

Being without a jacket or anything, i went back to the theatre in only jeans and sandals. This wasn't too bad since i'm fairly well built but it's still a dress code thing in the theatres, and i got hell from a manager.

So here i am, fighting with a manager about how i've already paid, here's my mother f*cking ticket stub you ?@!!!*%, i got puked on by the fattest bitch in the whole f*ckin country which is why i don't have my shirt on, and i'm on a first date to boot! Needless to say i got my way an hour later.

So at this time i enter the theatre, just make to the row where we were sitting and the credits start to roll. So i wait for Jaska to emerge and explained the whole thing. She looked like she felt really bad for me, but i know she found it funny.

I decided we needed a drink. So we cruised on over to a local Boston Pizza, sat down and ordered coffee. I lit a cigarette and everything began going well, laughter, smiling, etc. when our waitress came back.

"here's your coffEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

She trips and falls. So in summary, here's what happened.

1. The coffee sprays all across the tabel, causing me to jump out of my seat. In my start, i fell over backwards and my cigarette landed on my chest and lit my chest hair on fire. I quickly put it out with my hand.

2. The cream went all down the front of Jaska's shirt.

3. The waitress crashed into the table and knocked it over, and followed it on the way down.

4. I just finish smacking out the fire on my chest when the table and the waitress come crashing down ontop of ME.

We got a free meal, Jaska was pissy the rest of our time there cuz the milk on her shirt was begininng to smell, i've got not shirt, and my chest hair is burned out in the pattern of the Hawaian islands.

So yeah, we were having a jolly good time.

After that, we decided to call it a night. I drove her home. We're walking up her driveway, and i kiss her goodnight. Then she went and said it. "Hell of a night, thanks. I'm glad to know that nothing else can go wrong".

SMASH.

I turned around and saw a truck sitting ontop of my car. Turns out the guy was drunk, and in the long run it didn't matter as it was a my first car Hyundai anyways....but yeah, so that just beat the cake.

I used her phone to call my Dad for a ride and was funing the whole time. I embarassed her alot with my cussin, but considering the situation, do you blame me?

So Dad comes to pick me up, we exchange goodbyes (by now i know there's no second date, i'm just too 'accident prone') and drive away.
Dad's car gets a flat tire half-way down the block.

THE END.

- Written by Steven Connor, my good friend and associate.
Yes this did happen to him.


HOPE YA ENJOYED IT!!! :sun:

Grown men comparing shit stories. Uhg! Here's a real story for you.

*lots more... *


uuh... date outta hell? That would suck flying donkey balls.

The worst first date I've ever had was when me and this seriously hot chick that I met in Saint Louis (a few hours away) went to TGI Fridays. She ordered a vanilla drink\shake thing an while she was sucking up the shake stuff through the straw she pulled up too fast or something and it sprayed all over her and I started laughing cuz it was utterly hilarious. She started laughing cuz it was all she could do and what actually got into her mouth all came out her nose. Then we got our food and I was being a dumbass and playing with my glass of coke, twirling it around in circles and stuff and it spills all over me and my white shirt and my kacki (h\e u spell that) shorts. Then the food comes. I ordered buffalo wings, which they put on this elevated tray thing. The wings were basted in all tons of sauce.
So were sitting there talking and I talk with my hands a lot. So while doing this I accidentally hit the tray and wings and wing juice goes flying all over me, her and the people behind me. We laughed at that one too, even though the person behind me tried to strangle me.
So the rest of lunch goes off without a hitch and we're ready to pay. I get the bill and start to whip out my checkbook and the lady informs me they don't take checks. I NEVER keep cash on me. That day, luckily, I had $15. The first time I had ANY cash in months. but the bill was 20 something... Which posed a little bit of a problem. Yea, she had to pay for part of the meal. I wanted to shoot myself but she honestly didn't mind, even though I felt like complete shit doing that to her.

So then stuff goes great after that. Were doing fine. I get back to her house and she invites me in. So stuffs going better until her mom comes home. That was a problem. But we got all situated and looked nice and innocent. Then I find out this hot chick was actually like 3 years younger than me and she lied and told me she was my age, 17. (to be 18 in 2 weeks. Thank god I wasn't) She hadn't even gotten her drivers license. ...But she was real soon! :eek:

Needless to say, I never saw\called her again.

hahaha those where hilarious

oh my god those stories were great, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time......my vote goes to the "butt gravy" guy. For some reason, I don't have any really great shit stories, but I have a good puking story!

This was a couple of years ago, back when I was young and stupid. I showed up early for a friend's party to help him get some of the alcohol. This was about 6:30 at night. When we got the alcohol, me and my friend decided to start drinking, even though no-one was there. We crack open a beer, and the floodgates of alcohol consumption open like the hoover dam. By 10 p.m. when people have already started showing up, I am lying on the floor, stupid ass drunk, semi-concious and not even aware of my surroundings. I manage to climb up onto the couch when that special feeling starts to hit me. I ask my friend's older sister for a glass of water and some bread. I had finished the bread and gotten halfway through the glass of water when I let it all go. Before I know it, my glass is now completely full.....I crawl my way to the kitchen and try to let go in the sink but only make it to the trashcan. I miss the trashcan and coat the kitchen floor with upchuck juice. Temporarily I feel better, so three of my friends carry me to his bedroom and put me in his bed to rest, and keep an eye on me to make sure I don't stop breathing or anything. 5 minutes later, that feeling comes to me again, and BAM!!! All over the wall, the bed, the floor and myself. By now, my friend is dragging me out of his bed cursing at 200 mph and drags me and sticks my head in the toilet, where I spent the rest of the night emptying my stomach until there was nothing left. I pass out on the kitchen floor and awake again at about 9 a.m. Time to go home. I had consumed so much alcohol the night before that I was still drunk off my ass. Somehow I make it the 15 minutes home and I make my way in the front door. My mom notices I look sick, so I tell her that I think I'm coming down with the flu. Just then, a budwieser commercial comes on the TV. Oh what a cruel, cruel world this is. Whatever wasleft in my stomach is now all over the living room floor. For the next 2 days, I could only eat soup, and I even missed a day of school because I was so goddamn hungover. Drinking is bad people!

Originally posted by student_anonymous
The second i left that theatre i put the entire US Navy to shame. A 15 year old nerd in a theatre uniform told me to stop or i'd be escorted out. I'm not going to tell you what i did to him just yet.

What ever happened to that kid?

I have way too many drinking stories....if anyone meets me in person I might tell then, but blah, to much to type here.

What ever happened to that kid?


Y'know... I wondered that myself!

he probally painted a picutre of a unicorn with some blond chick and then the art teacher came up and started screaminf "YES! airuent! Aeuntuie!* and then the unicorn came out of the puicture and grew to normal size with the woman and weird german techno music started playing and she went "HAHA" and he jumped onto the back of the unicorn and they flew out the window and the teacher went "OI!" and the unicorn, the chick and that boy were flying through space....
























OmiKRon

a'ight, TV, that's incredibly frightening. That sounds like soemthing a boy I know on acid would say.

These are just some funny ass stories I thought I would re-post up top.

OK, I got one.

It was my good friend Trip's birthday..God rest his soul..June of this year. All my friends go to Florida State, so I traveled out to Tallacrappi...I'm a Gator...for his birthday. So we all decide to go tubing down the Chipola river, which is about an hour west of Tallahassee. We get all of our beer, tubes, and what not...That is a story in it's self...well we get to where you starrt the river ride thing. We had bought this thing at Walmart called the Canopy Fun Center! It is this inflatable covered 4 foot by 4 foot floating Canopy Fun Center! We fill it with 11 or 12 bags of ice, and about 10 casees (24 pack) of the Natural Light the true King of BEERS!
There are 10 of us drinking, +2 drivers, going on this 6 hour trip down a river, doing nothing but drinking and trying not to pop our tubes on the random rocks and trees. So, we consume all but about 6 beers out of the 240, so we are all obliteratedly drunk, acting a frikin' fool! Well, when your riding a tube, and drinking for 6 hours you really don't realize how drunk you are until you try to do somthing.
At the end of the river, where we get off, are cars are waiting. We drag everthing out of the river and walk up the side of the bridge. My friend Brian proceeds to walk out onto the bridge to jump off. Mind you this about a forty foot drop to the river, so being the dumbasses we are me and another guy J.D. walk out there to jump too. When I get out there and look down I was like holy shit!!! So, we jumped 3...4...5 time. We run up to do it again, and I look over to see brian holding onto the railing with his bathing suit around his ankles holding his ass out over the highway with an 8in. turd coming out. I laughed so hard I almost shat myself, which made me think...I dopped mine and took a crap too, as did J.D.! So there we are three 20 something year old guys shitting on the side of an active highway bridge.
So, the moral of the story is. Don't eat Arby's and go for a 6 hour tube ride and drink over a case of beer. Because you WILL end up on a highway bridge taking a shit onto the street!

Long but one of the funniest moments of my life!

Ok... I now know I really wont drink... Crappin on the side of the highway doesnt sound fun. :hehehe:

This has got to be the most disgusting, tasteless, gag inducing, hilarious thread in the history of AF.

Here it is just picture 4 or 5 guys attatched to this thing, and it over filled with beer and ice floating down a river!