Garage tools and their uses.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "YEOWW ...."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. The most often the tool used by all women.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to Transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your sh irt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. Women excel at using this tool.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a ChicagoPneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Women primarily use it to make gaping holes in walls when hanging pictures.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

hahah... perfect. Nice find.

as of now, my dammit tool is snowballs. damn snow. i just washed the car too...

i like this list though. saw it before. everything is known to round bolts. the reason why i have a new oil drain plug every year.

as of now, my dammit tool is snowballs. damn snow. i just washed the car too...

i like this list though. saw it before. everything is known to round bolts. the reason why i have a new oil drain plug every year.

You shouldn't over tighten your drain plug, it should be a bit more tighter than finger tight. I always tighten it, then snug it down with a socket wrench.

Makes it easier to get off.

i dont over tighten, the vise grips just make it round. otherwise, its perfectly fine. takes a tad bit of strength to take off, but thats how i like it.

thats why you use the proper tool instead of vise grips... i assure you it wont round off nearly as easily.

great list though, very true.

I Call Sticky!!!!


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

That's why I was told to use clamps whenever possible, I created a wooden propeller once, by accident.

Making propellars is fun...until it flies off. As for the oil plug, just use a wrench, the right size, and you should never have that problem again. Thats one thing my shop teacher always stressed. Use the right tool for the job.
Edit: And angle grinder with wire wheel extension are good at getting caught in you nice (or not so nice) shop coat and ruining it.

i made a metal propeller... and cut my finger pretty good once, that never happened again after that...

My DAMMIT TOOL always seem to hit the car while mid-flight.

You shouldn't over tighten your drain plug, it should be a bit more tighter than finger tight. I always tighten it, then snug it down with a socket wrench.

Makes it easier to get off.

Tell that to the boys at Jiffy Lube. They use an interesting design of drain plug on my oil pan, a dual setup sort of thing to prevent the pan from being damaged should idiots at Jiffy Lube over tighten said plug. However, in order to get it out after they over tighten it...The local garage had to reverse drill it out and order a new set of plugs.

haha classic..I needed a good laugh.

I have dammit tools on various rooftops across 3 states.

My DAMMIT tool is my cat!

My DAMMIT tool is my cat!


I'm not even going to ask.

My DAMMIT tool is my cat!lol, thats awesome.:grinyes:

I'm not even going to ask.
:1:


My personal favorite:

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

Lol, and how true that is :rofl:

Working on a 3000gt is like working on a sever unit, you are going to forget to disconnect something, that is a guarantee haha.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

That's why I was told to use clamps whenever possible, I created a wooden propeller once, by accident.

i had my finger torn open by one once. i was using the chuck key to tighten the chuck after putting a drill bit in, and somone switched the drill on, while i was holding the key.