News: Worlds funniest joke

LONDON (Reuters) - After a year of painstaking scientific research, the world's funniest joke was revealed on Thursday.

In a project described as the largest-ever scientific study into humor, the British Association for the Advancement of Science ( news - web sites) asked Internet users around the world to submit their favorite jokes and rate the funniness of other people's offerings.

More than 40,000 jokes from 70 countries and two million critiques later, this is it:

"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"

Researchers found significant differences between nations in the types of jokes they found funny.

People from the UK, the Republic of Ireland, Australia and New Zealand preferred gags involving word play, such as:

PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."

DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."

Americans and Canadians favored jokes where people were made to look stupid.

TEXAN: "Where are you from?"

HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."

TEXAN: "OK -- where are you from, jackass?"

Meanwhile, many Europeans liked gags that were surreal or made light of serious subjects such as illness, death and marriage:

A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?'

"But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'"

Marriage-mocking also featured in the top American joke:

"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'

"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'"

Death earned big laughs in Scotland:

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

And animals figured prominently. Take the number one joke in England:

"Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'

"The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.

"The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'

"The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'"

The survey revealed other fun facts:

-- Of the countries rating the highest number of jokes, Germans, perhaps surprisingly, laughed the most. Canadians laughed least.

-- If you want to tell a funny animal joke, make it a duck.

-- The most frequently submitted joke, at 300 times, was: "What's brown and sticky? A stick."

Researchers said no one ever found it funny.

The findings can be read at www.laughlab.co.uk

Those are pretty funny. I especially like the "silly cow" one.:D :D

like some of them :lol2: :D















funnily enough there was a feature on the local news about that this evenin.....

Originally posted by YogsVR4
Canadians laughed least.

-- The most frequently submitted joke, at 300 times, was: "What's brown and sticky? A stick."

Researchers said no one ever found it funny.


I must not be Canadian then, I'm always laughing....


In fact, I'm still laughing at that joke!! :hehehe::hehehe:

My favorite joke is "What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?


Where's my tractor?" :D

Originally posted by Heep


I must not be Canadian then, I'm always laughing....


In fact, I'm still laughing at that joke!! :hehehe::hehehe:

My favorite joke is "What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?


Where's my tractor?" :D

some people are easily pleased :D

so heres one for you

Brother Joseph entered the Monastery of Silence.
The Priest said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so".

Brother Joseph lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to him, "Brother Joseph, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words."

Brother Joseph said, "Hard bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Brother Joseph was called by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Brother Joseph."

"Cold food," said Brother Joseph, and the Priest assured him that the food would be better in the future.

On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Brother Joseph into his office. "You may say two words today."

"I quit," said Brother Joseph.
"It's probably best", said the Priest, "You've done f**k all but moan since you've been here. :D :D :D


:hehehe:

Yogs, that hunter joke up top is one of the funniest I have ever heard. Absolutely hysterical! Quite a dramatic LOL from that one :) And the golfer/funeral/35 years of marriage gag is all right too.

Originally posted by JD@af
Yogs, that hunter joke up top is one of the funniest I have ever heard. Absolutely hysterical! Quite a dramatic LOL from that one :)

I have to admit I did too :D