20 things to keep in mind when you visit the Midwest..........[quote]
taranaki
10-03-2002, 04:22 AM
Ilike the sound of this place.It reminds me of home.
Especially #20! :D
This is for those of you from the Midwest, those that can spell Midwest and
those that think they know where Midwest is....
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and
Californians cross the 12 Midwestern States (Illinois, Indiana, Iowa,
Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South
Dakota, and Wisconsin) the Tourism Councils in those states have adopted a
new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural
Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as
they enter any Midwestern State.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do
all week at the gym.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your BMW X-what the hell. I have a four-wheel drive because I
need it. Either drive yours or get it out of the way.
3. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you
whipped... by our women... and you won't enjoy it.
4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead
breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout
you fish for -- we call them "bait".
5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final
approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear
at the time.
7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham,
turkey, and cheese. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two
packets of sugar and a long spoon.
8. No, we don't eat too much here; we just know how to eat. Our men don't
get big and strong here by chewing on organic celery sticks while drinking a
chai tea latte. They grow up big and strong by eating their mama's home-made
meat loaf, real mashed potatoes with gravy, corn on the cob from their
garden, home-made biscuits, followed off by a few slices of home-made apple
pie made with apples from the orchard and a big healthy glass of whole milk
from our award winning dairy cows. As to how we work off what we eat, see #1
above.
9. You bring Coke into my house, it had better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.
10. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have
quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
11. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're
a feminist. Isn't that cute.
13. Yeah, we eat catfish and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's
available at the bait shop.
14. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it?
Interstate 40 goes two ways--Interstate 35 goes the other two. Pick one and
use it accordingly.
15. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Understand the concept?
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks
the fish.
17. That State Trooper that just pulled you over for driving like an
idiot... his name is "Sir"... no matter how old he is.
18. You may think that we're boring people because most of us are farmers,
but you'd better stop to think where most of your food comes from first.
Didn't your mama ever tell you it's not polite to talk with your mouth full?
We work hard here to provide our country with the food and dairy it needs to
feed its people. In other words, we're too busy working to listen to you
whine and complain. And by the way, we're not boring -- just come into one
of our local taverns on a Friday night and we'll show you our idea of a good
time. Oh, better not plan anything for Saturday or Sunday. You'll need that
long to recuperate from Friday night if you're going to keep up with the
locals.
19. No that is not Bambi standing in that cornfield. It is a deer and yes,
we shoot them and eat them here. You want low-fat meat? Nothing better than
a lean venison steak. Don't like the fact that we shoot them? Try to
remember that the next time one runs across the road from out of nowhere and
it does $15,000 damage to your $60,000 BM'er.
20. Cheese is it's own food group and yes; it goes with anything -- even
apple pie.
Have an Nice Mid-West Day.
Especially #20! :D
This is for those of you from the Midwest, those that can spell Midwest and
those that think they know where Midwest is....
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and
Californians cross the 12 Midwestern States (Illinois, Indiana, Iowa,
Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South
Dakota, and Wisconsin) the Tourism Councils in those states have adopted a
new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural
Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as
they enter any Midwestern State.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do
all week at the gym.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your BMW X-what the hell. I have a four-wheel drive because I
need it. Either drive yours or get it out of the way.
3. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you
whipped... by our women... and you won't enjoy it.
4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead
breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout
you fish for -- we call them "bait".
5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final
approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear
at the time.
7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham,
turkey, and cheese. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two
packets of sugar and a long spoon.
8. No, we don't eat too much here; we just know how to eat. Our men don't
get big and strong here by chewing on organic celery sticks while drinking a
chai tea latte. They grow up big and strong by eating their mama's home-made
meat loaf, real mashed potatoes with gravy, corn on the cob from their
garden, home-made biscuits, followed off by a few slices of home-made apple
pie made with apples from the orchard and a big healthy glass of whole milk
from our award winning dairy cows. As to how we work off what we eat, see #1
above.
9. You bring Coke into my house, it had better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.
10. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have
quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
11. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're
a feminist. Isn't that cute.
13. Yeah, we eat catfish and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's
available at the bait shop.
14. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it?
Interstate 40 goes two ways--Interstate 35 goes the other two. Pick one and
use it accordingly.
15. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Understand the concept?
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks
the fish.
17. That State Trooper that just pulled you over for driving like an
idiot... his name is "Sir"... no matter how old he is.
18. You may think that we're boring people because most of us are farmers,
but you'd better stop to think where most of your food comes from first.
Didn't your mama ever tell you it's not polite to talk with your mouth full?
We work hard here to provide our country with the food and dairy it needs to
feed its people. In other words, we're too busy working to listen to you
whine and complain. And by the way, we're not boring -- just come into one
of our local taverns on a Friday night and we'll show you our idea of a good
time. Oh, better not plan anything for Saturday or Sunday. You'll need that
long to recuperate from Friday night if you're going to keep up with the
locals.
19. No that is not Bambi standing in that cornfield. It is a deer and yes,
we shoot them and eat them here. You want low-fat meat? Nothing better than
a lean venison steak. Don't like the fact that we shoot them? Try to
remember that the next time one runs across the road from out of nowhere and
it does $15,000 damage to your $60,000 BM'er.
20. Cheese is it's own food group and yes; it goes with anything -- even
apple pie.
Have an Nice Mid-West Day.
DVSNCYNIKL
10-03-2002, 08:10 AM
:huh:
taranaki
10-03-2002, 08:23 AM
Originally posted by DVSNCYNIKL
:huh:
You've been in the city tearsxfdcvgbhnkm
oo long there,DVS...head out of town a while,and when everything smells like shit,you know you are in the country!
:huh:
You've been in the city tearsxfdcvgbhnkm
oo long there,DVS...head out of town a while,and when everything smells like shit,you know you are in the country!
DVSNCYNIKL
10-03-2002, 08:32 AM
Originally posted by taranaki
You've been in the city tearsxfdcvgbhnkm
oo long there,DVS...head out of town a while,and when everything smells like shit,you know you are in the country!
I once went out of town when my brother was in college. He went to Amherst College in Massachussettes. First time out there I saw cows in the field, grandma and grandpa selling corn on the side of the road. Needless to say I high tailed it back to the city as fast as my truck could physically go.:D
You've been in the city tearsxfdcvgbhnkm
oo long there,DVS...head out of town a while,and when everything smells like shit,you know you are in the country!
I once went out of town when my brother was in college. He went to Amherst College in Massachussettes. First time out there I saw cows in the field, grandma and grandpa selling corn on the side of the road. Needless to say I high tailed it back to the city as fast as my truck could physically go.:D
Fireinthesky28
10-03-2002, 10:34 AM
Man, that hit home. Half my family is from nebraska and thats pretty much their exact opinion about life and the way things are. Whered you get that anyway?
YogsVR4
10-03-2002, 10:42 AM
As a proud resident of Michigan, I can say there is a lot of truth in that list. :) In fact, I'm gearing up to fullfill my part of #19 this weekend :D
19. No that is not Bambi standing in that cornfield. It is a deer and yes, we shoot them and eat them here. :D :D
19. No that is not Bambi standing in that cornfield. It is a deer and yes, we shoot them and eat them here. :D :D
student_anonymous
10-03-2002, 11:37 AM
I haven't laughed that hard since i saw a 16 year old brat rev up his mustang, do a neutral drop, and the transmission flew straight out of his car!!
:silly2: :silly2: :silly2:
That was wonderfull and i applaude you for posting it!
:hehe: :jump: :ylsuper
:silly2: :silly2: :silly2:
That was wonderfull and i applaude you for posting it!
:hehe: :jump: :ylsuper
speediva
10-04-2002, 04:08 PM
9. You bring Coke into my house, it had better be brown, wet, and served
Unless you live in Independence, MO.... In which case, you are expected to not only carry crack, dope, and acid, but join in the festivities in the 100 some odd local meth labs :bloated:
Unless you live in Independence, MO.... In which case, you are expected to not only carry crack, dope, and acid, but join in the festivities in the 100 some odd local meth labs :bloated:
boingo82
10-04-2002, 09:06 PM
I don't understand why the "Midwest" is located in the eastern half of the U.S. :confused: That's all east to me.
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