[JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
xcohiba
12-02-2006, 11:43 PM
1. Greetings
When two friends who are girls see each other, they give hugs and exchange niceties. If those two friends are guys, replace the hugs with rib shots and the niceties with phrases like “hey fucker” and “bitch”. It is how real men have been greeting each other for centuries.
2. Drinking
Girls like bright colored drinks that taste like fruit juice. A guy will mix rubbing alcohol with Kool-Aid if he is thirsty and it is free. Also, girls drink to get “buzzed” while guys, on the other hand, drink to end up with our heads in the toilet.
3. What we look for in a movie
Girls look for a romantic storyline set in a foreign location. Guys look for fights, explosions, and the possibility of a tit shot. Our interest is peaked by anything that used to be a comic book or video game.
4. What we look for online
I don’t know what the hell girls look for when they go online, but we look for porn. For most of us, it is the entire reason we got a high speed connection in the first place.
5. Definition of “relationship”
90% of the women out there will consider a man is at least “seeing” them if they have sex once. Guys will consider the same thing if a woman feeds them once. If there is no food involved, we barely count her as a friend.
6. Bathroom time
A guy can go from dead sleep to shit, showered, shaved and ready in under ten minutes. A girl needs at least two hours to get ready to drive to the god damn grocery store.
7. Play fights
Two guys can hit each other, hard, and find it to be an incredibly good time. Girls can’t even so much as play violent video games against each other without it being on like Donkey Kong. Hyde proved this to be true in an episode of “That 70’s Show”.
8. Talking
When two girls get together, they can talk for hours. Two guys, however, can sit in front of a video game for three days without so much as saying two words to each other.
9. The reasons we like actors
Girls like Brad Pitt because they think he is “so cute”. Guys like him because he beat the shit out of Edward Norton in Fight Club.
10. Food
Girls only eat stuff that comes straight from a package or a kitchen. A guy will eat a piece of pizza that has been sitting on the coffee table for two days and enjoy it thoroughly.
11. The definition of the word “clean”
When a chick cleans her house, she will scrub the baseboards. Guys will clear the coffee table and call it good.
12. Masturbation
A woman will do it maybe once or twice a week and take two hours for one session. A guy will do it three times a day and only take up two minutes of his time to complete them all.
13. Music
Girls like to dance. Guys like to beat the shit out of each other and drink beer. You can’t listen to Alanis Moresette when you’re wrestling your friend over the last beer. It is just not right.
14. The importance of the playoffs
A woman can miss a game and not think twice about it. Guys will run down our own mothers to get in front of the TV in time to catch the opening minutes of any given sporting event.
15. Who broke the computer
When a man and woman live together and the computer breaks somehow, he will blame her for surfing stupid sites and clicking blind links while she will blame him for looking at too much porn. They are both right.
16. Injuries
A woman will get a band aid for the smallest of scratches. A guy will bleed profusely for hours before even so much as noticing.
17. Driving
Women drive like they want to kill you all the time. Guys only do that on back roads or in sanctioned events.
18. Suitable activities for babysitting
A girl will give two kids a board game and tell them to play nice in the living room. A guy will hand over a ball and tell them to go beat the shit out of each other in the backyard.
19. Laundry
Women wear clean clothes everyday. A guy will wear a shirt that has been on the floor for two weeks as long as it doesn’t smell. Ok, as long as it doesn’t smell too bad.
When two friends who are girls see each other, they give hugs and exchange niceties. If those two friends are guys, replace the hugs with rib shots and the niceties with phrases like “hey fucker” and “bitch”. It is how real men have been greeting each other for centuries.
2. Drinking
Girls like bright colored drinks that taste like fruit juice. A guy will mix rubbing alcohol with Kool-Aid if he is thirsty and it is free. Also, girls drink to get “buzzed” while guys, on the other hand, drink to end up with our heads in the toilet.
3. What we look for in a movie
Girls look for a romantic storyline set in a foreign location. Guys look for fights, explosions, and the possibility of a tit shot. Our interest is peaked by anything that used to be a comic book or video game.
4. What we look for online
I don’t know what the hell girls look for when they go online, but we look for porn. For most of us, it is the entire reason we got a high speed connection in the first place.
5. Definition of “relationship”
90% of the women out there will consider a man is at least “seeing” them if they have sex once. Guys will consider the same thing if a woman feeds them once. If there is no food involved, we barely count her as a friend.
6. Bathroom time
A guy can go from dead sleep to shit, showered, shaved and ready in under ten minutes. A girl needs at least two hours to get ready to drive to the god damn grocery store.
7. Play fights
Two guys can hit each other, hard, and find it to be an incredibly good time. Girls can’t even so much as play violent video games against each other without it being on like Donkey Kong. Hyde proved this to be true in an episode of “That 70’s Show”.
8. Talking
When two girls get together, they can talk for hours. Two guys, however, can sit in front of a video game for three days without so much as saying two words to each other.
9. The reasons we like actors
Girls like Brad Pitt because they think he is “so cute”. Guys like him because he beat the shit out of Edward Norton in Fight Club.
10. Food
Girls only eat stuff that comes straight from a package or a kitchen. A guy will eat a piece of pizza that has been sitting on the coffee table for two days and enjoy it thoroughly.
11. The definition of the word “clean”
When a chick cleans her house, she will scrub the baseboards. Guys will clear the coffee table and call it good.
12. Masturbation
A woman will do it maybe once or twice a week and take two hours for one session. A guy will do it three times a day and only take up two minutes of his time to complete them all.
13. Music
Girls like to dance. Guys like to beat the shit out of each other and drink beer. You can’t listen to Alanis Moresette when you’re wrestling your friend over the last beer. It is just not right.
14. The importance of the playoffs
A woman can miss a game and not think twice about it. Guys will run down our own mothers to get in front of the TV in time to catch the opening minutes of any given sporting event.
15. Who broke the computer
When a man and woman live together and the computer breaks somehow, he will blame her for surfing stupid sites and clicking blind links while she will blame him for looking at too much porn. They are both right.
16. Injuries
A woman will get a band aid for the smallest of scratches. A guy will bleed profusely for hours before even so much as noticing.
17. Driving
Women drive like they want to kill you all the time. Guys only do that on back roads or in sanctioned events.
18. Suitable activities for babysitting
A girl will give two kids a board game and tell them to play nice in the living room. A guy will hand over a ball and tell them to go beat the shit out of each other in the backyard.
19. Laundry
Women wear clean clothes everyday. A guy will wear a shirt that has been on the floor for two weeks as long as it doesn’t smell. Ok, as long as it doesn’t smell too bad.
1986Z28
12-03-2006, 01:51 AM
lol i like it
2.2 Straight six
12-03-2006, 02:22 AM
14. The importance of the playoffs
A woman can miss a game and not think twice about it. Guys will run down our own mothers to get in front of the TV in time to catch the opening minutes of any given sporting event.
haha, i've seen some awesome irony in that area. my mate was followed by police for 6 miles then pulled over for doing 20mph over the limit, when asked why he was speeding he answered "i'm trying to get home in time for World's Wildest Police Videos."
16. Injuries
A woman will get a band aid for the smallest of scratches. A guy will bleed profusely for hours before even so much as noticing.
Done that too, i almost cut my left thumb off with an electric saw @ 37,000rpm and didn't notice for a couple minutes. :rofl:
The whole thing was awesome though.
A woman can miss a game and not think twice about it. Guys will run down our own mothers to get in front of the TV in time to catch the opening minutes of any given sporting event.
haha, i've seen some awesome irony in that area. my mate was followed by police for 6 miles then pulled over for doing 20mph over the limit, when asked why he was speeding he answered "i'm trying to get home in time for World's Wildest Police Videos."
16. Injuries
A woman will get a band aid for the smallest of scratches. A guy will bleed profusely for hours before even so much as noticing.
Done that too, i almost cut my left thumb off with an electric saw @ 37,000rpm and didn't notice for a couple minutes. :rofl:
The whole thing was awesome though.
Blackcrow64
12-03-2006, 02:06 PM
15. Who broke the computer
When a man and woman live together and the computer breaks somehow, he will blame her for surfing stupid sites and clicking blind links while she will blame him for looking at too much porn. They are both right.
This one is soooo true. My ex and I ran into this problem when my computer suddenly ended up all jacked up for no apparent reason... She was the last one to touch it. lol
When a man and woman live together and the computer breaks somehow, he will blame her for surfing stupid sites and clicking blind links while she will blame him for looking at too much porn. They are both right.
This one is soooo true. My ex and I ran into this problem when my computer suddenly ended up all jacked up for no apparent reason... She was the last one to touch it. lol
1986Z28
12-04-2006, 10:10 AM
^lol!
ikeyballz
12-10-2006, 11:19 PM
you sure she wasnt looking at porn?
:B
:B
poormillionaire2
12-11-2006, 10:20 AM
That was great, I liked it. So many truths too.
Blackcrow64
12-11-2006, 01:43 PM
you sure she wasnt looking at porn?
:B
I'm pretty sure it was her surfin blind links for stupid myspace add on pages... :disappoin
I'm sure the porn had nothin to do with it. I'm smarter than it. :rolleyes: :wink:
:B
I'm pretty sure it was her surfin blind links for stupid myspace add on pages... :disappoin
I'm sure the porn had nothin to do with it. I'm smarter than it. :rolleyes: :wink:
SG007
12-11-2006, 02:17 PM
a guy definitely wrote that. cuz it's wrong. lol
poormillionaire2
12-11-2006, 02:39 PM
a guy definitely wrote that. cuz it's wrong. lol
Of course a woman would say that. Women can't handle the truth, that's why guys lie, because women make the biggest deals out of nothing.
Of course a woman would say that. Women can't handle the truth, that's why guys lie, because women make the biggest deals out of nothing.
Blackcrow64
12-11-2006, 02:46 PM
Women can't handle the truth, that's why guys lie, because women make the biggest deals out of nothing.
lol I'll drink to that one. :cheers: My ex was a prime example of making big deals out of nothing...
lol I'll drink to that one. :cheers: My ex was a prime example of making big deals out of nothing...
ikeyballz
12-11-2006, 10:41 PM
lol I'll drink to that one. :cheers: My ex was a prime example of making big deals out of nothing...
+1.
+1.
SG007
12-12-2006, 08:43 PM
Of course a woman would say that. Women can't handle the truth, that's why guys lie, because women make the biggest deals out of nothing.
well stop having relations with psychos....:screwy:
and it's still wrong. lol
well stop having relations with psychos....:screwy:
and it's still wrong. lol
ZL1power69
12-12-2006, 09:29 PM
well stop having relations with psychos....:screwy:
and it's still wrong. lol
i didn't see anthing about psychos....wait...most women are :evillol: . most over react about the smallest, dumbest things its unbelieveable :screwy:
and it's still wrong. lol
i didn't see anthing about psychos....wait...most women are :evillol: . most over react about the smallest, dumbest things its unbelieveable :screwy:
poormillionaire2
12-13-2006, 06:51 PM
i didn't see anthing about psychos....wait...most women are :evillol: . most over react about the smallest, dumbest things its unbelieveable :screwy:
He speaks the truth.
He speaks the truth.
SG007
12-13-2006, 06:59 PM
All i can do is shake my head, gentlemen.
ZL1power69
12-13-2006, 07:00 PM
He speaks the truth.
indeed
indeed
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