new girlfriend

Without going into details, how do you tell your new girlfriend that you want to come out and tell your common friends that we are a couple? Okay, I guess there is a need for a bit of details to get the whole picture- her best friend is against the relationship and she's afraid to tell her that we're an item. Don't ask me why that's the case. A very close female friend of mine is extremely close to my new girlfriend's best friend. I would think that would bode well for me but unfortunately, that's not the case either. My close friend is very supportive but her's is not. She doesn't want anyone to know for sake of causing friction with her close friend.

That brings me to the original question- How do I tell her that the secrecy is bugging me and that I don't want to keep a physical distance from her when we go out with friends?

Oh gawd, I hope this doesn't qualify as emo...

It's pretty emo yeah.

It definitely has some emo undertones but most threads in this forum do. Why is the gf's friend such a hater? You ran over her dog? Screwed her sister? Both? At the same time???

this situation just screams middle school relationships to me. i say tell who matters, don't make a big deal about it and if her friend is truly a friend, she'll get over it. has your gf tried talking things over with her?

ur girl better tell her friend or she doesnt really value your relationship.... and by hiding it from her, so doesnt really value that girls friendship either...

Yeah, I went through that with my ex I just got back with. She told me this morning she is going to start telling her roomates that we are seeing each other. If you don't remember my other thread , I hung out with my former ex's roomate and became a huge ordeal. Now that I am back with my ex, we are going to be able to be around each other and not worry about people saying..OMG you guys are together...blah blah blah..tgerribly immature, but whatever! If her friend is truly a friend, she will get over it.

-Chris

My first thought is that her friend is jealous. Does her friend have a bf? Maybe it's asituation of "well, if I can't be happy, I don't want her to be happy." My girlfriend is dealing with this right now. Someone she knows is always giving her a hard time because she has me and this person doesn't have anyone.

As far as sounding emo, it's really not so much when you think about it. If anything, it's an issue of maturity on the part of your girlfriend's friend. Just go out and tell her that you're dating. The two of you are making the decisions in what is YOUR relationship. Not her friend's relationship. Granted, it's good to consider friends when making some decisions, but this is a decision that was entirely up to your girlfriend and she made the one she felt comfortable with, so she shouldn't care about telling her friend who, as others have said, if she really cares, will understand.

At least there's support for my perspective here. I've been pretty annoyed by the whole ordeal and it finally came to a head last night.

So last night, I was really bothered but it and called her up and laid it all out for her. Unfortunately, we're not going to be seeing much more of each other because of this.

There's alot of things going on in the friend's life that are bringing her down and just plain bitter with the whole deal. She's a bitter person. She likes to flaunt her wealth and her 'assets' to make herself feel good. My gf (former) values her opinion and won't do much to go against her.

In the end, if she values her friend's opinon over how much she values the relationship, then she doesn't deserve me. I still care for her but I'm not going to sacrafice how I know I want to be treated to be with her.

That sucks man. I know how this can be. Probably not worth it. Move on.

-Chris

Sounds good.

Single rules.

emo = middle/high school...

get over it and say something or dump the bitch. sorry, i'm in a very open mood right now.

Sounds like he already got rid of her.

It sucks but the more I think about it, it probably won't go anywhere as her friend would always bring her down about the relationship.

When we first got together, I wanted to tell the whole world how happy I was to be with her. She couldn't do that. She was too afraid of what her friend thought and about it getting back to her. She couldn't be openly happy about being with me. I don't know about you guys, but when I'm with someone and I'm happy, I want to tell everyone about it. I'm disappointed that she wasn't able to do that.

It's so early in the relationship that we shouldn't have to worry about nonsense like this but rather enjoy each other's company. Sadly, this wasn't the case. This sucks but there's more to life out there for me than to be dragged down by her friend's negativity.

well there'll be plenty more of them so just leave this one behind and start looking for the next (or don't) while enjoying being single.

well there'll be plenty more of them so just leave this one behind and start looking for the next (or don't) while enjoying being single.


That's exactly what I'm going to do tonight. My buddy's birthday party is tonight so we're all going to go out to Hooters (why god, why does it have to be Hooters?) for his bday dinner. He wants to do it low key and casual for dinner and hit up the clubs later on. Planning on having fun tonight.

One new development- she just text messaged me at work asking me how things are today. We exchanged messages for a good half hour before I cut the string of messages short. Looks like there's hope in her rethinking this through after all. I'll find out tonight as she always, instant messages me whenever she gets home from work or play from her day.

Whatever the fuck you said confused the living shit out of me. Honesty is the best policy, what's important is you and your girlfriend being happy together and not having to live in secrecy. It has nothing to do with anyone else, so tell them - and if they don't like it they can go jump.

I'm totally with Oz on this one. Dude, if you both like each other...just fucking be together. Relationships in secrecy blows. When I got back together with my ex..we did that for like 3 days...lol....then she was like, "you know what, I am going to tell me roomates exactly where I was last night." Now that its out in the open, we can both be free to do what we want, whatever we want, when we want...without anyone getting hurt or upset. Be the man and tell her exaclty how you feel. Girls love it when the man becomes vulnerable, don't ask me why..they just do. Now, go get her tiger!

-Chris

I'm going to take the advice from the other thread and just ignore her. I have a feeling she'll come around and revisit the whole issue soon enough- for better or worse.

I have already told her how I felt about her and how I don't want things to end so I'm happy that I have done all that I can on my part. Its up to her whether or not to be with me at this point.

Our common friend gave me a bit of insight as to why she may be so rigid about keeping things a secret. I was told that she doesn't fall for any guy easily and is a very independent person. Her theory is that she's getting used to the idea of being with someone and trusting someone. Something that's in conflict with her independant personality. Our friend thinks the fact that she's attracted to me and has allowed me to be with her should speak volumes in terms of how much I mean to her.

I don't know where this will go but I'm willing to give it some time and see if things progress. I know I may have jumped the gun in telling her to just be friends for now but in doing so, she should know how important being open means to me for me to make such an ordeal out of it.

As time passed, I started to get upset again so I decided to do something really stupid... I confronted her friend. Not smart on my part... but at least I got it off my chest.

My girl undoubtably heard about it and is pissed off so no suprise there. I don't think this is going to go anywhere anymore but she said she still needs her space and is willing to forgive me if I allow her to have that.

So how screwed do you guys think I am?

Depends.

A few days have passed. Any news?

So over the course of last week, I called up her friend and apologized. It stands to reason that she would be angry and I was feeling really bad about how it went down thus the call. The call didn’t go well but didn't end up with us screaming at each other either. By the end of the conversation, I think she at least acknowledged that I was sincere about the apology and I think that was all I can really ask for.

My circle of friends all have some type of group function every week throughout the month of December and I inevitably will be seeing my girl's friend there at least one of those times. This past weekend was one of them. It was really awkward to begin with when I first saw her. I didn't know if she was still harboring a bit of animosity or not so I was just on my best behavior. She was a bit of the same way but as the night progressed, she warmed up to me and pretty much that awkwardness passed. We didn't touch on last week's drama at all and just had a good night out with our friends. She even joked and made references to my girl at one point so I think she's even trying to get used to the idea. That's a good sign but seeing how things are going, that might just be a bit too late.

I haven't had any contact with my girl at all thus far. Not a one. That worries me but I'm gonna stick to giving her some space as I think this would probably bring in some clarity to what she's feeling and how she wants to proceed.

I'm so tempted to make contact at this point though...

I called up her friend and apologized. It stands to reason that she would be angry and I was feeling really bad about how it went down thus the call.

I haven't had any contact with my girl at all thus far. Not a one. That worries me but I'm gonna stick to giving her some space as I think this would probably bring in some clarity to what she's feeling and how she wants to proceed.

I'm so tempted to make contact at this point though...
Why would you call to apologise to her friend imo?(Does she have some really bad reason to hate you - if not why would you apologise to a just a plain out bitch :twocents: ) - Probably jealous if anything...

If your girl really cared honest she wouldn't be trying to hide her relationship with you under blanket of secrecy and she probably would have called (most). Don't call her like your the one that did something wrong, you thought it was right so you did what you had to do. You seem to really like this girl so I don't think you were trying to flip on her friend and jeapodise the relationship on purpose.

Imo ~ I wouldn't call a girl back who tried to hide my relationship with her and I certainly wouldn't apologise to her friend that she was trying to hide it from (assuming you had no past with that girl or when you confronted her about your relationship together, you were a raving lunatick - I You don't seem to be but you never know)

So how screwed do you guys think I am?

This is has got to be the first time I've ever heard of the reverse saying bro's before hoe's. I guess this would be the Hoe's before Bro's from the girl's stand point. Don't sweat it there are hotter and better chick's in general out there...

Unless it's china :lol:

I just felt really bad about how I had outwardly put her friend in this situation. The operative word here is "outwardly" as I confronted her. That's something I shouldn't have done. They're friends after all and if things do go well, it'll be inevitable that we'll all be hanging out at some point in time.

I really like her and I just want a bit of closure on this either way. I know I really don't need to have her say anything for me to find closure but somehow I just can't close the book on this one just yet...

I hate waiting...

i hear that bro...

Guess who called... :)

Ghost Busters?

Guess who called... :)

Haha nice! How'd it go?

Ghost Busters?

No, but my girl did!

Haha nice! How'd it go?

As expected it was a bit awkward to say the least. But we chatted only for a short while as I needed to head out. She then IM'd me later on that night and chatted some more. We stayed away from sensitive topics and kept it lite. Just basically enjoying ourselves catching up with each other since we last spoke.

We were a bit guarded and pretty much on our best behavior for the first and second conversations. Through the conversations, we're slowly finding oursleves back into the same groove as before we had the falling out so its looking up.

There's still the original issue but I think she knows where I stand on that so I guess we'll have to wait and see what will happen when the topic finally does come up.

Either way, I was more than happy that she made contact! :iceslolan

Either way, I was more than happy that she made contact! :iceslolan

Congrats, Thats what counts man.

you got "hand" back... nice work :sunglasse

I'm a bit late here, but I'm gonna give my opinion anyways.

Some friend, she really needs to sit the fuck down and shut up. Honestly, how selfish is it of her to keep her best friend from having a relationship. Is she a tranny or something?

For your sake man, I hope you crush decides to stick up for herself this time, because thats bullshit that she's letting her friend dictate how she handles her life.

Well, for now, I don't really know where I stand with her just yet but I don't think my guess is that far from the mark. I think we're most likely going to pick up where we left off but who knows what will happen...

I have yet to physically see her yet as work and the holidays have been keeping her busy. I'll have a better feel for it once I see her and judge the atmosphere when we're together.

From what I can see, she's not one to waste her time. Her making contact bodes well for me there. On another note, I've made inroads with her friend and am making with her and trying to get her support on this.

At this point, it's time to play it smart and if her friend is the one putting pressure on us to begin with, I'll do my best to befriend her and alleviate that strain. At least that's the plan for now.

For one, its sounds good that the girl is trying to keep in touch. I'm pretty sure you already know, but if you 2 get back together, her friend is gonna be keeping a sharp eye on you. The good thing is, once she realizes you 2 make a good couple, she'll probally end up being a really trustworthy friend towards you.