Random jokes I've found.

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed and, in general, began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said—"Well yeah, if that's what they are—I never heard of circle flies."

So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey… wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"

The farmer says, "Oh no, Officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."

The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

Two young men who had just graduated from Harvard were excited and talkative about their future plans as they got into a taxi in downtown Boston. After hearing them for a couple of minutes, the cab driver asked, "You men Harvard graduates?"

"Yes, sir! Class of '99!" they answered proudly.

The cab driver extended his hand back to shake their hands, saying, "Class of '58."

A guy goes into a restaurant and lounge, with his shirt open at the collar, and is stopped by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to get in.

So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a tie and discovers that he just doesn't have a one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation, he ties these around his neck, and manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the restaurant. The bouncer suspiciously looks him over for a few moments and then says, "Well, okay, I guess you can come in. Just don't start anything."

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered, "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.

She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

Very nice. :D

Finally some decent jokes on AF!

Originally posted by YellowMaranello
A guy goes into a restaurant and lounge, with his shirt open at the collar, and is stopped by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to get in.

So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a tie and discovers that he just doesn't have a one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation, he ties these around his neck, and manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the restaurant. The bouncer suspiciously looks him over for a few moments and then says, "Well, okay, I guess you can come in. Just don't start anything."

:rolleyes:

The others were just............:cwn27: :spit:

I thought I heard Taranaki meantion something about graduating Harvard in about 58 :confused: :D

Originally posted by kicker1_solo
I thought I heard Taranaki meantion something about graduating Harvard in about 58 :confused: :D

Allow me to fill in for naki:

"Why you little....I oughta!!!!!!!! *shakes kicker "homer simpson" style*" :flipa: Just kiddin.

Originally posted by saturntangerine


Allow me to fill in for naki:

"Why you little....I oughta!!!!!!!! *shakes kicker "homer simpson" style*" :flipa: Just kiddin.

WOW! That's a good Mr. T! :eek: :hehehe:

some good uns there :lol2:


though have seen some b4 still :lol2: